I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Wild, April 7, 2011

Canucks 5 - 0 Wild

After consecutive losses to the Edmonton Oilers pushed the city of Vancouver to the brink of martial law, you had to think a loss to the Minnesota Wild would be the tipping point. Fans, it seemed, were one poor effort away from killing one another for the contents of their refrigerators. Thankfully, the Canucks staved off a full-scale societal collapse by coming out in this one a little more interested in winning, and they were fortunate to meet a Wild team only to happy to help. The result was a shellacking that will likely quell civil unrest until the team loses again, at which point all the ammo and applesauce I bought will prove quite useful. In the meantime, I watched this game:

• The pregame awards ceremony went pretty much as expected, with Daniel Sedin taking home the MVP, Christian Ehrhoff retaining his best defenseman title, Ryan Kesler winning most exciting player, and Jannik Hansen being named the most unsung. The Presidents Trophy presentation was understated, except for that part where Manny Malhotra showed up, and people went nuts. Talk about crowd pop. It was great to see him. In case you were wondering, Henrik Sedin did not touch the President's Trophy, but I get that whole superstition now. Once you realize that it looks like a crystal bidet, I'm sure any motivation to touch it disappears.

• I especially liked Malhotra's Versace protection sunglasses. It was either that, or a diamond-studded eyepatch.
  

• Marc Donnelly is starting to mix things up. The other night he turned the anthem into a duet. Tonight, he did a different run. If he's trying to reinvent himself, he should call Timbaland.

• After facing criticism for a mild scoring lull to close out the season, Ryan Kesler used tonight as an opportunity to answer back with a hat trick. First, he redeemed himself for his near-infamous powerplay whiff in last Oilers game, where he double-clutched on a tap-in at the goal line and wound up blocking his own shot. He and the Sedins tried the exact same play again, this time with a different result. After successfully making amends on that one, Kesler spent the night bringing his wrist shot back to lethality. He scored two beauties on the rush with perfectly placed snapshots, going high glove side on the first and high stick side on the second (above). Kesler claims he was extra motivated because Farhan Lalji pissed him off earlier in the day. If that's the case, I suggest Farhan Lalji conduct all Ryan Kesler interviews for the duration of the playoffs, with every intent of incensing him: some feel you can't carry this team to a cup. Also, that you're a big dummy. How would you respond to this?

• Frankly, if there was any disappointing aspect to tonight's game, it's that Kesler's hat trick was met with alarmingly few tossed hats. Shocking stat: in terms of personal items thrown on the ice, the ratio of hats to salmon was about even. Not cool, you guys.
  

• Kesler's hat trick goal was his 40th of the season. Quoth John Garrett: 40 is an excellent number. I'm assuming he meant in regards to scoring totals, but he might just like the number 40. Maybe he likes how it looks? He's seen it everywhere this anniversary season, maybe this was a subtle plea for help from a man that's been driven mad by the number's constant presence in his life? He could be completely obsessed with it, like Jim Carrey and 23.

• Early adopters to PITB will recall that, before he and I became Scrabble buddies, Tanner Glass's presence on the third line offended me, especially throughout last year's playoffs. It seems the universe has a wicked sense of humour, as Glass appears to be have garnered a promotion in the absence of Raffi Torres. Soon, my worst nightmares will come true. Next thing you know, Byron Ritche will return to man the powerplay.

• Poor Jannik Hansen. First he lost his center to an eye injury, then he lost his other winger to a suspension. He did an admirable job on his lonesome, even setting up Mason Raymond for the game's opening goal with a beautiful cross-ice pass, but his gloved punch to Pierre Marc-Bouchard was a clear sign that he wants to be suspended too, so the line can be reunited in the press box.

• Speaking of suspensions, frankly, Greg Zanon's 1st period elbow to the head of Maxim Lapierre might have warranted one that stretched into the playoffs. Lucky for Zanon, the Wild didn't make the playoffs.

• Both of Mason Raymond's goals came on wrist shots after fancy setups, the first from Jannik Hansen, and the second from Daniel Sedin, but they weren't tap-ins. Raymond put himself in great position to receive both passes, and these are places he might not go while playing the wing. He was also the only faceoff guy to finish over 50% on the night. He appears to be adapting to his new role as third-line center quite well. It makes sense. There's a little less pressure to score, it's harder to get over to the side boards and circle the zone, and there's a little more ice. Mason Raymond really likes extra ice. Whenever he goes to Earl's, he asks the waitress to make sure there's plenty in his drink; otherwise, his soda is much too strong.

• With both Mason Raymond and Ryan Kesler flirting with a hat trick, and everyone trying to make sure Daniel Sedin gets the last touch, I started the appropriate hashtag: #passittoraymondorkeslerbutfirstpassittodanielsohecangetapoint. I had low expectations for it. Then it trended in Vancouver. I'm not sure what to think about this.
  

• Alain Vigneault rolled all four lines, resulting in steady icetime for everyone, save Jeff Tambellini. Tambellini played eight and a half minutes. No other Canuck played less than fourteen. When you can't find icetime for Jeff Tambellini in a blowout in the last home game of the season, it's safe to say you aren't trying. Victor Oreskovich might want to reserve an airport shuttle.

• Last night marked the return of Alex Edler to the lineup. He looked good, albeit a little out of sync. He also seemed determined to regain some lost ground in the hits category. He had a game-high four hits in this game, which, as Jeff Paterson tweeted, should answer some questions going forward. Questions like: who led the game in hits and In what category did Alex Edler lead the game? Also: which game did Alex Edler lead in hits?

• Edler was immediately returned to his initial pairing with Christian Ehrhoff, sending Sami Salo to the bottom pairing with Keith Ballard. This is the match the Canucks have been hoping to make all season, but injuries have prevented Sami and Keith from being together long enough to click. Looks like they finally get together in the end. If this sounds a lot like a romantic comedy, that's because it is. After the game, Sami found out he was the subject of a bet to make him over and get him elected prom queen. Expect a last act poolside dance.

• Speaking of bets, Roberto Luongo picked up his fourth shutout of the season last night, much to his surprise, and he told reporters that, prior to the third period, he and Cory Schneider bet on who would break the goose egg. Schneider picked Miettinen. Luongo picked Edler. Chew on this: what if Edler actually had scored an own goal, but Miettinen had the last touch? SUCH A DISPUTE IS UNSOLVABLE.
  

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Wild, March 14, 2011

Canucks 4 - 2 Wild

Like the opening scene of Carrie, this game was all about the 1st period. In the opening twenty minutes, the Canucks jumped out to a 3-0 lead after a quick one by Raffi Torres (above), and two debilitatingly effective powerplays. While Minnesota would regroup and take over the game in the second and third, it wouldn't be enough to overcome the big lead they spotted Vancouver in the first. Granted, a total effort would perhaps have been preferential, as the Canucks spent the last two periods on their heels, but seriously: Vancouver has 101 points. They win more than you do. Quit complaining. By the way, I watched this game:

• There have been games this season where the Canucks' powerplay has taken blame for a loss, but really, it's only because of the high expectations they've garnered. Here's an example of what the unit can do: in the last two games, the Canucks have gone 5-for-5 with the man advantage, which is impressive, but even more impressive in that, of the ten penalty minutes alloted them, they've only used 2:36. They're almost as efficient as this loser.

• Daniel Sedin's powerplay goal was gorgeous. It's interesting to juxtapose it with Ryan Kesler's goal from Saturday night, which is quite similar, but also very different. Kesler's wrist shot is pure force; he curls above the faceoff dot and snaps it past Kiprusoff. Daniel Sedin's wrister is tactical. He curls above the faceoff dot too, but when he gets to that sweet spot where a sniper normally fires the puck, he gives himself an extra yard by pulling the puck back and sliding further into the middle of the ice. Greg Zanon expects the shot and drops to a knee, and in that moment, with one drag move, Daniel drifts away from him, nearly to the center of the offensive zone. Nobody creates space in traffic like the Sedins. Except James Bond.

• Ryan Kesler's first goal in this game is the result of some beautiful puck movement by the whole unit. What amazes me so much about the unit is that all five guys are fabulous passers, and any one of them can orchestrate a beautiful play. Not just the Sedins, and not just the point men. Kesler starts and caps off this play, first making a pretty backpass along the boards, then drifting to the center of the ice to cap off a beautiful passing play with Ehrhoff and Samuelsson, then being the first one to his own rebound.

• If there was a downside to the first period, it's that Sami Salo's 16-game health streak came to an end when he took a shot off the elbow and left the game. It's hard not to be incredulous at Salo's commitment to winning Injury Bingo, but I'm sure he's more frustrated than any of us. Here's hoping this is just a stinger (or whatever else they call it when the player's hurt and the coach makes him play anyway). Better yet, here's hoping that, whatever it is, he gets proper treatment and is healthy for the start--if not the duration-- of the playoffs.

• That said, Salo narrowly survived getting his nose lopped off when Cal Clutterbuck had an epic hit fail in the first. In the highlight of the night, Clutterbuck took a run at Alex Burrows, missed, and went over the boards, ass over teakettle. But don't feel too bad for Clutterbuck. He may have missed Burrows, but he hit the bench, which had 14 guys on it, so he was credited with 13 hits (Cory Schneider doesn't count; he wasn't playing).

• We've had numerous opportunities to point out how crucial Manny Malhotra and Ryan Kesler are to this team, but it may never have been more apparent than when both of them were in the penalty box while the Canucks tried to kill off a 5-on-3. It left Alain Vigneault with no faceoff men for those crucial defensive zone draws. Yes, Henrik Sedin and Maxim Lapierre are both centers, but on twenty defensive zone faceoffs last night, they took three. Clearly, Vigneault doesn't trust them to do it. Pressed, he deployed Henrik Sedin for the first faceoff, which he won, but the Canucks couldn't get the puck out. Henrik found himself trapped in the zone for thirty-five seconds. Not ideal. Rather than risk having another player who doesn't practice five-on-threes trapped on the ice for one, Vigneault then tempted fate by letting Jannik Hansen take the next draw. Hansen lost it, wound up hemmed in the zone to near-exhaustion, then lost his stick and took a tripping penalty. The Canucks were lucky to get through this stretch without a goal against.

• Immediately upon leaving the box, Ryan Kesler won a defensive zone draw to finally alleviate the Wild's pressure and keep the penalty kill perfect. In fact, after that little scare, the Canucks didn't lose another faceoff in their own zone for the rest of the game, one major reason Minnesota finished 0-for-5 on the power play. Speaking of faceoffs, Manny Malhotra was especially effective, going 9-for-12 on the night, including 7-for-7 in the third. Kesler was 10-for-14 last night, and on two of the four faceoffs he lost, he registered a takeaway to immediately regain possession (he had a game-high four takeaways). On the flipside, Henrik was 5-for-13 and Lapierre was 2-for-9.

• More evidence of Kesler and Malhotra's importance? Consider the empty-net goal. Manny Malhotra wins a neutral zone draw, forcing the Wild to regroup before they try to gain the blue line. Then, when they do, Malhotra sends the puck back to the neutral zone before they can organize. There, Ryan Kesler pounces on it and ices the game. If there's one thing that separates this Canucks team from last year's Capitals, it's that we have two defensive superstars.

• I loved Garrett and Shorty's banter about the filming of Mission: Impossible 4 on the Granville Street bridge. Garrett says something to the effect of: you should try to get in as an extra, and Shorty rebuffs it by saying he's not much of a movie star. Garrett: "You're taller than Tom Cruise." Shorty: "And yet they call me Shorty." Funny.

• Chris Higgins looks pretty good out there, doesn't he? He seems to have instantly made the fourth line more dangerous, and he's good insurance in case either Raymond or Samuelsson forgets to be good, as they are sometimes wont to do. Frankly, the line of Lapierre, Tambellini, and Higgins has been perhaps the best fourth-line trio we've seen this year. Once Glass gets back, Tambellini will likely sit, but he had five hits in ten minutes of icetime and used his speed to great effect. Vigneault has options, is all I'm saying.

• Christian Ehrhoff can have his defensive deficiencies, but the team is inarguably more offensively threatening when he's on the ice. With two more assists last night, Ehrhoff jumped to 46 points on the season. It's a new career-high for him. He's also sixth in the NHL in defensive scoring. Granted, his numbers are buoyed because he's the only Canucks' D-man that's stayed healthy all season, but a good way to set career-highs is to play in every game. You can't fault him for being resilient. If anything, he deserves praise: Ehrhoff has been the backbone of this year's defense. That's right: without Ehrhoff, the Canucks' are Bryozoa.

• And finally, Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis was pressed into additional action when Salo went down, playing 26:31, including a whopping 7:15 of the Canucks' total 10:26 on the penalty kill. He was pressed into even further additional action when the Red Cross needed a switchboard operator to receive donations, and he wound up playing the entire game with a headset on.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Wild, February 15, 2010

Canucks 4 - 1 Wild

With tonight's victory over the Minnesota Wild, the Canucks successfully staved off their first

two-game regulation losing streak since November, when they went three straight games without collecting a point against Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Phoenix, in that order. Again: that was in November. This stat, incredible as it is, never seemed more in jeopardy than heading into tonight's game. And, unlike Watson the computer, it had every right to be in jeopardy: the six-man defensive unit iced by the Canucks tonight was about as green as a Lamborghini Murcielago; the team was playing in a very unfriendly building; the Canucks were on the second night of a back-to-back. Yet, somehow, they won. Breaking news: this team is resilient. Also breaking: I watched this game:

• Outshot, outhit, and outplayed for the second night in a row, the Canucks submitted a pretty paltry effort, even going so far as to play the entire third period without putting a shot on Nicklas Backstrom. They had 14 shots total. Like the movie Crash, they didn't deserve to win anything, but somehow, they did. Unlike the movie Crash, however, the Canucks did it with a pretty thin cast.

• If you're wondering how, exactly, the Canucks eked this one out, look no further than Cory Schneider, the Canucks' backup netminder, who stopped 28 of 29 shots on the night to keep the Canucks in it. Having watched Schneider for awhile now, I feel fairly confident in saying that he's going to be a very good goaltender for a long time. He does two things incredibly well: the first is getting in position to make the save. The Wild tried all night to get him moving side to side, but Schneider always seemed to be in the right position to take the puck squarely on the chest. The second thing he does well is sweep the puck away with his goal stick. I don't remember the last time a Canuck goaltender was as active clearing pucks out of his crease. Schneider is turning himself into a very hot commodity. I should say that it seems a downright shame to be salivating simply at Schneider's trade value (the NHL equivalent of Grampa Simpson's classic "I can't wait to eat that monkey" quote), but that's where this is headed.

• The only downside to any Canuck victory against Minnesota is the inevitable "Canucks Tame Wild" headline. We get it. It's been done. You can do better, everyone. May I recommend: "Canucks Poach Wild", "Canucks Stuff and Skin Wild", "Canucks Put Wild in Small Cage and Allow Flash Photography" or, if the Canucks are at home, "Canucks Abuse Wild Domestically."

• Any hope of easing Sami Salo back into the lineup went out the window when the rest of his defensive cohorts fell down that mine shaft, but he's proved capable of the big minutes almost right away, and begun producing immediately. Salo played over twenty minutes tonight, picking up an assist for the second straight game when his powerplay point blast was tipped by Manny Malhotra. I like that the Canucks are playing Salo on the second unit of the powerplay, and resisting the urge to float him to the top spot in Alex Edler's absence. Salo has immediately improved the B unit with his threatening shot, the unit scoring in two of the three games since he's been back. Interestingly, both times, the goal was the first of the game and the Canucks went on the win.

• Do people in Minnesota wear anything other than flannel and fleece? HD TV indicates that they do not.

• Ryan Kesler's empty-net goal was the Canucks' only shot of the period, and a source of a triple upstaging. 1) The Canucks upstaged the Wild by scoring the empty-netter. 2) Alex Burrows missed the open net for a goal that would have extended his league-leading point streak, then Kesler upstaged him from further away. 3) John "King Homer" Garrett made a passionate case for Burrows receiving a point, claiming he may have touched the puck when it came off the boards. It was not to be. However, Christian Ehrhoff then upstaged John Garrett by making a passionate case for himself: This, from a Michael Russo tweet: "Hilarious, but Christian Ehrhoff is begging for assist on empty-netter. Hit his shin pad. The off-ice officials having passionate debate." Ehrhoff got that assist. Everyone was upstaged tonight.

• The reunited third line of Manny Malhotra, Raffi Torres, and Jannik Hansen combined for the Canucks' second goal, and it was great to see that line create offense for the second night in a row. This has been our most successful third line trio, and I'm of the mind that you keep it together now, no matter what. Let them work through their problems as a unit, like Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz in What Happens in Vegas. It will be a lot easier when Malhotra has games like tonight. Manny finished the night with a goal, an assist, and a +50% faceoff percentage.

• Say you're Alain Vigneault: what do you do when your team is exhausted and your defense corps is decimated? You hand the keys to your two Selke-calibre centers and you instruct them to trap the Hell out of the mother. Manny Malhotra and Ryan Kesler both took 28 shifts, game-high among forwards, as well as taking twenty faceoffs apiece. For contrast, Henrik Sedin took only eleven. In fact, Vigneault played the Sedins sparingly, only skating Daniel Sedin for 15:55. Kesler and Malhotra did what Selke-calibre centers do, winning faceoffs, making the smart, defensive play (which, in this case, was chipping the puck out of the zone), and pitching in a goal and an assist each. Suffice it to say, Vigneault's decision to ride these guys worked. I tell you all of this so that, if anybody tells you the Wild play a boring system, you can point out that it was the Canucks, in fact, who turned this one into a snoozefest. The Wild play a fairly uptempo system these days.

• Apart from one ugly giveaway, I hardly noticed Yann Sauve at all. Good.

• Martin Havlat somehow managed to finish the game minus-3. This is especially cathartic when you recall the defensive acumen he appeared to have in the Canucks last visit to Minnesota. Q: Martin Havlat is defensively sound. A: False.

• When did Cal Clutterbuck become amazing? The NHL's next great agitator did it all for the Wild tonight, scoring their only goal and narrowly missing on a number of other great chances, and getting away with a couple cheapies by high-sticking Christian Ehrhoff and butt-ending Henrik Sedin. Guy's a total jerk, but wow, is he good. And what a name. If I didn't so wish a pox on him, I'd think he was pretty fantastic.

• Christian Ehrhoff had four blocked shots tonight. It's gone completely unnoticed, but Ehrhoff has become a major shot-blocker in a very short time. Last year, in 80 games played, Ehrhoff had 82 blocked shots. This year, he's tied with Kevin Bieksa for the team lead at 81. He's done this in only 55 games played. Yes sir, Ehrhoff is singlehandedly taking this team to Blockoland.

• And finally: Mikael Samuelsson has improved on a lot of things since the All-Star break, but if I can highlight one, it's been his ability to find space to get his shot off. Watch him drift into the open area on the Canucks' third goal. Not since Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift have I seen drifting of this magnitude.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Wild, January 16, 2011

Canucks 0 - 4 Wild

Every so often, good hockey teams comes down with a case of bogusness. Suddenly, they flub passes, fan on shots, miss defensive coverages, and skate around like the walking dead, more suited to converging on the Monroeville Mall than the Xcel Energy Center. It can be terribly difficult to watch a team do hockey in these instances, as they seem to have forgotten how entirely. When this happens to your team, hockey fan, it is advised, for your sanity, that you A) stop watching, and B) do not continue watching. That is, unless you're committed to a blog that does game recaps for every game, even the awful ones that are more torturous than the last game you described as torturous. Sigh. I watched this game:

• Allowing Henrik Lundqvist to shut you out: acceptable. Allowing Anton Khudobin (emphasis on the who?) to shut you out: less acceptable. Granted, Khudobin stopped 32 shots and deserves congratulations for his first NHL shutout, but he was vomiting rebounds like a fat guy out of a Monty Python sketch. Despite gift-wrapping some dandy tap-ins and putting himself out of position more than a few times, he never needed to worry, as the Canucks reacted to all yawning cages by yawning back.

• How bad were the Canucks last night? Shorthouse and Garrett remarked--on two occasions--that Martin Havlat was having a good defensive game. When you make Martin Havlat look defensively sound, you are playing poorly.

• Speaking of the broadcast team, we often rag on John Garrett for being an insane homer, but John Shorthouse has his moments as well. Consider, for instance, his liberal use of the word "shutout," from the middle of the second period onward. This can only have been a brazen attempt to jinx Khudobin into letting one past him, but unfortunately, Shorthouse is as terrible at cursing someone as Wendy, the Good Little Witch.

• Also awesome homerism: when Shorty tried to wish his son a happy birthday, and the cameras went to random boys in the crowd. Shorty made sure to mention these kids weren't his kid, and when Garrett remarked that a boy in a Wild jersey resembled Shorty's son slightly, Shorty snapped back that his son wouldn't be wearing a Wild jersey.
  

• If you want an example of how terrible the Canucks were, look no further than their 4th goal against: the Canucks control the puck for about a minute, seemingly incapable of making two crisp feeds. Passes are in legs, overskated, off skates and over sticks. Minnesota is content to sit back while the Canucks dick around, so they hardly forecheck during this comedy of errors. Then, after bungling for an entire shift, the Canucks finally dump the puck in and make a sloppy line change. Their forechecker, Jannik Hansen, is so slow to pressure that Minnesota is already in transition by the time he gets there. The Wild have the the puck for ten seconds. In that time, Alex Edler gives up the zone, then gives up the boards, and Raffi Torres goes for a skate while his man, John Madden finds himself open in front for a tap-in. I'm sure the team will be watching video of this sequence, as they looked slow, inept, and out of sync, and Minnesota made them look stupid.
  

• My wife, upon watching that sequence: "Wow, Minnesota is fast." No, honey, they most definitely are not. But there was a time when people thought a 28.8 modem was fast, too. It just depends on what you're comparing it to.

• Shorty and Garrett lauded Alex Edler on his strong play lately, noting that he hadn't been a minus player in ten games. In an effort to make up for this, Edler put in a minus-3 performance, including gift-wrapping a breakaway for Marty Havlat goal with a beautiful drop pass. Perhaps he realized he's not ready to be thought of as the number one guy, and was simply managing expectations?

• This is two losses in three games, and while it's tempting to say the Canucks are so good the only way to beat them is to shut them out, let's be more damning. The Canucks are mired in a brutal scoring slump right now, shut out twice on this road trip and looking completely uninterested in scoring goals at times. Ignore the four they put up in Washington; there are Timbits minor hockey teams that could score on the Capitals.

• Because our complementary scoring has been solid for two seasons now, People often forget that the Canucks' offense lives and dies with the Wizards of the Coast. Henrik Sedin has now gone three games without a point. The last time Henrik had three or more pointless games was last February, when he didn't get on the board in four straight. The Canucks went 1-3 in that span. Here's hoping a wide open game in Colorado breaks the slump before the Canucks repeat that exact scenario.

• You know who needs offense? The Canucks. Know who's on a pretty impressive scoring streak? Sergei Shirokov. Know who doesn't have an extra forward on the roster right now? The Canucks. Know who they should call up? Mario Bliznak.
  

• While there are no excuses for playing this badly, here's one: The Canucks are exhausted. After six games in nine nights, they immediately began a five-game road trip that's taken them across the country and back. You could say the dense January schedule appears to be catching up with them. Good teams can overcome a bit of sand in their skates, but there are going to be games like this one, where they simply don't have the legs. This is cause for concern, however, because the schedule doesn't let up for quite awhile.

• Watch Christian Ehrhoff try to catch Matt Cullen on the shorthanded goal (2:50 of above clip). Daniel Sedin outskates him. Daniel Sedin.

• The Wild's first goal probably shouldn't have counted. Last I checked, you couldn't score by having a super orgy porno party on top of the goaltender, then driving him into the net with a Shoryuken. Maybe this is a new rule.

• People often criticize Alain Vigneault for juggling lines last night like Zack Morris trying to have three dates at once, but when every single one of your scorers suddenly becomes dead weight, you'll try anything. The truth is that the players hate line-juggling as much as the fans do. The coach knows this; it's an in-game punishment. The way to earn consistent linemates is to be consistent. When he mixes up the lines, Vigneault isn't just guessing or hoper-groping--he's sending a message to his team.

• Speaking of AV, I love the way he chews gum when his team is crapping the bed. Slightly harder. Is that a tell or what? I want to play poker with Alain Vigneault. #PokerMeAlain

• Ryan Kesler was 4-for-14 in the faceoff circle. His thumb is clearly still bothering him. I hope, for his sake, he takes care of that thing before he loses it, or he'll have to go through life unable to hitchhike or co-host film review programs.

• Mason Raymond has regressed to the perimeter play he appeared to have grown out of early last season. Let's hope this is just temporary and he finds that other gear soon. He's not even on pace for twenty goals, and he's supposed to be an anchor on the second line.

• Poor Cory Schneider has gone from being Roy Halladay of the Philadelphia Phillies to Roy Halladay of the Toronto Blue Jays. Poor guy could use some run support.
  

• In the absence of Alex Bolduc, Tanner Glass spent some time in the middle. He was 3-for-5 on draws, which means he's been above 50% in both games as the 4th line center. I knew he was smart, but I'm concerned at how quickly he's learning. What else can he become proficient at in a short period of time? I need to go practice my Scrabble.
  

Rypien Story Goes From Ridiculous to Ridiculously Ridiculous

Not since Abe Lincoln has someone been vilified so quickly.

The media buffet on this Rick Rypien incident only opened last night, but I'm already full. It's been wall to wall Rypper today, as everyone wants to weigh in on the abomination he committed last night. The good news is that the incident has overshadowed the abomination the Canucks committed last night. The bad news? Rick Rypien just passed Killer Moth on the list of the worst villains ever, and he's closing in on Calendar Man. Rick Rypien would like you to believe he's not a baby eater. But he's never gone on record saying he isn't. Maybe it's because he's too busy eating babies. Yes, his public crucifixion is getting a little ridiculous, especially when you consider that he merely grabbed the fan. He didn't hit him; he didn't bite him; he didn't poke him in the eye.

He just grabbed him. For about three seconds. And yet the fan is threatening to sue.

Rypien deserves to be suspended. You can't do what he did--it was stupid, and he deserves to sit out a few games. But when he touched that fan (James Engquist), it was dumb on dumb. This fan is a stupid guy.

I didn't want to weigh in on this. I feel like we covered all there is to this last night in the IWTG. But, like Rypien, I've been provoked by James Engquist who, in his interview with Michael Russo (quoted below) gave himself away as a certified gomer. Here is James describing what instigated the incident:

"I was just standing straight up applauding as he was getting kicked out. He was out of control. And then I said, 'Way to be professional,' and he obviously didn’t care for that comment [...]

Few would care for that comment, you pinhead. James. Rypien is a man who makes a living punching people in the face. He was, in your own words "out of control" with anger, and you decided to stand up, applaud, and make a snide comment? A comment about professionalism to an enraged fighter. Sounds to me like you deserved to see his profession first-hand. A better option would have been to not infuriate an already irate pugilist. The first guy I punch when I'm being kicked out of somewhere is the guy who makes a snide comment once I'm no longer restrained. Here is James describing the fear he felt:

[He] decided to grab me and almost dragged me over the rail. If my brother wasn’t grabbing me and the other player wasn't grabbing him, he probably would have dragged me over the edge."

Man, that is a whole lot of grabbing going on in this story. That must have been terrifying for you, James. Had he succeeded in dragging you over the edge, as you claim (despite the video showing you were never even close) you would have been dragged over the edge. I don't know what happens next, but I'll bet it involves you being briefly on the other side of the edge.

"This is a crazy incident. I’ve seen a lot of hockey in my day, and I’ve never seen someone actually come into the stands and assault a fan," said Engquist.

Really? You've seen a lot of hockey and you've never seen this? Because that's what you're describing, and it's not what happened to you. Rypien didn't come into the stands and he didn't assault you. He grabbed you. Apart from increasing the value of your hockey jersey in online auctions, he accomplished very little when he touched you for three seconds.

Engquist said he is "definitely seeking legal representation. ... I was assaulted, that's just the bottom line."

No you weren't. You were touched. I've seen children grab the hem of their mother's housedress harder. Sadly, I'm sure there's a waaahmbulance-chaser out there, willing to slap a neck brace on you and claim Rypien dislocated your spine, but you should know that you just went from folk hero to total loser in one sentence.

Assault? Please. You were hit harder by the fans you high-fived on your way to better seats. You're fine, James. Let it go, like Rypien did, three seconds after he grabbed you.

And if this does go to court, let the record show that you lied about having seen a lot of hockey, since you've never seen the Milbury/O'Reilly incident. What else are you lying about, James? Better keep your stories straight....