I Watched This Game: Canucks at Oilers, April 5, 2011

Canucks 0 - 2 Oilers

After watching the awful game on Saturday between these two teams, I was initially pleased that Harrison was on IWTG duty for that game and I was responsible for this game. Surely the Canucks would put together a better effort. Surely they wouldn't lose to the Oilers two games in a row. Surely they would buckle down, straighten up, put their hand to the plow and nose to the grindstone, swing into action and and take the bull by the horns. Instead, like Buffy Summers (seen above), the Canucks were just going through the motions all game long. However, as our Twitter followers pointed out, when Buffy was going through the motions, she still won. The Canucks did not. And while I wish I had instead watched "Once More, With Feeling" again, I watched this game.

• Through 10 minutes, the Canucks had 1 shot on goal, putting them on pace for 6. It was an ugly, ugly opening to this game. The rest of the game wasn't much better, as they never sustained any significant offensive and pressure and never truly challenged Dubnyk. Actually, I'm not quite sure who was out there in the Canucks uniforms, but they certainly bore very little resemblance to the Canucks that I have watched all season long. I suspect Mike Gillis sought out 20 fanatical Canuck fans amongst the various adult rec leagues in BC, had them undergo radical plastic surgery to turn them into Canuck doppelgangers, and had them replace the real Canucks as soon as they wrapped up the Presidents' Trophy. The real Canucks are busy training underwater like Team Evil from Shaolin Soccer.

• Seriously, though, there's no reason to be concerned. The Canucks are, unsurprisingly, playing like a team with nothing to play for. While it would certainly be nice to see them continue to dominate the opposition in these final games before the playoffs, it's not surprising to see them play with such little urgency. The only thing they're concerned about at this point is avoiding injuries. Despite playing shorthanded for over 11 minutes, only one forward--Ryan Kesler--blocked a shot on the penalty kill.
  

• Alain Vigneault kept his promise of getting Schneider into enough games to qualify for the Jennings Trophy, if the Canucks can hang onto it. With the game essentially over, we got 28 Seconds of Schneider, which, coincidentally, is also the name of my Electro-Pop side project.

• On a positive note this picture of Linus Omark with the Sedins is absolutely incredible. The company that made the Sedins' tracksuits is still in business; Bruce Boudreau is their biggest customer.

• Despite the Canucks best efforts to phone this game in, it was abundantly clear that they were indeed the better, more skilled team. They just weren't the hardest working team. The Oilers' first period goal with just seconds remaining was pure luck, deflecting off Ryan Jones' skate on the powerplay. They needed a 4 minute 5-on-3 to beat Luongo again. They seemed to be pretty excited about barely defeating a barely-there Canucks team, but considering they have very little to be excited about in Edmonton right now, I'll guess we'll let them savor this for a bit.

• Noticing how the Canucks were phoning in this game, the refs decided to do the same. It was a poorly managed game from start to finish, as they waited too long to call coincidental minors on one of the many post-whistle scrums, one of the many reasons the game got out of hand and ugly. The other reason was that the Oilers somehow didn't end up shorthanded until the start of the third period. Meanwhile, the Sedins got tripped, hooked, and mugged. Daniel and Henrik discovered after the game that their loonies and toonies were stolen.

• The worst non-call, however, came while the Canucks were killing off the 5-on-3 powerplay: Mason Raymond used his speed to get the puck deep and was attempting to kill time along the boards. His effort was cut short when he was slammed face first into the boards directly from behind. Nothing. No call. Gutless. I couldn't find video of it anywhere: instead, enjoy this blatant tackle of Ryan Kesler by Theo Peckham favorably labeled in the NHL video highlights as a "hit." Anyone notice how the arm and hand that Peckham wrapped around Kesler was nowhere near his own stick? The referees didn't.

• Vancouver's normal course of action when a team is taking liberties physically is to punish them with goals on the powerplay. With the referees so reticent to put the Canucks on the powerplay, they eventually took matters into their own hands, taking some unnecessary and flagrant penalties. The double crosscheck that, in combination with the Torres major, destroyed any hope of a comeback by the comatose Canucks, was almost as blatant as Derek Smalls' foil-wrapped cucumber.

• I admit: my frustration with the reffing initially clouded my vision on the Raffi Torres hit on Jordan Eberle. After some time to unwind and watch the replays, it's a clear blindside hit to the head. While Torres definitely had his elbow tucked in and wasn't aiming for the head (in fact making contact with his elbow on Eberle's shoulder first), the principle point of contact was the head. Torres will likely face a suspension, though I don't expect anything more than two games considering his clean history with the league and that Eberle immediately popped to his feet, played on the following powerplay, and is evidently completely uninjured.

• The ice at Rexall is shamefully bad. The puck bounced all over the place, a severe handicap for a smooth-passing team like the Canucks. Ryan Kesler seemed to struggle the most, frequently losing the handle while carrying the puck, resulting in 3 recorded giveaways, a game high. Considering he now has only 19 recorded giveaways over the entire season, that's significant. He also whiffed actively prevented the puck going in on a wide open net during the Canucks first powerplay. Let's just say that it wasn't his best game, but he did lead the Canucks in shorthanded time on ice, won 11-of-18 faceoffs, and broke the glass behind Devan Dubnyk in the first period...with his wristshot. I've said it before, I'll say it again: the NHL should introduce a hardest wristshot competition at the All Star Game.

• Aaron Rome appears to be incapable of passing the puck. It has become infuriating: he is very capable of making the simple play - the bank off the glass out of the zone, the dump-in from the blue line, the soft wrist shot from the point into the goalies pads - but seems unable to make higher-level plays than that. While there is certainly a place for a player like Aaron Rome, it's not in the top-four of a Stanley Cup favorite. Fortunately, with Alex Edler and Andrew Alberts practicing with the team and Dan Hamhuis skating again on his own, Rome might not even be on the ice to start the playoffs.

• I'm honestly trying to think of some positive things to say: I suppose Ehrhoff and Bieksa were okay. Luongo made some nice saves. Unless Raymond received a stealth concussion from bashing his face on the boards, they escaped the game without injuries. Higgins still appears capable of playing hockey in a competent manner. Ugh. I'm praising competence. This was a bad game. Let's just all forget it happened, bite our lips through the final two games of the regular season, and try to survive until the start of the playoffs.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Oilers, April 2, 2011

Canucks 1 - 4 Oilers

Last night was a bewildering stinker, the likes of which we haven't seen in months, and it makes sense. While the Canucks didn't throw in the towel, there was literally no motivation for them to play hard last night, apart from the fact that it was the right thing to do. The game meant nothing to them. Meanwhile, the Oilers were motivated. For them, a Hockey Night in Canada tilt against the best team in hockey (and a team they thoroughly despise), is reason enough to go all out. They did, too: the Oilers played a fabulous game, and unfortunately for Vancouver, this admirable effort coincided with the Canucks laying down a complete turd. I watched this turd game:

• How can you tell the Canucks were woefully out of sync tonight? The Sedins went offside once. Think about the last time you saw that happen. It's nigh impossible for the twins to go offside. Watch their Superskills puck relay. They're the same person.

• It's probably safe to say that Yann Sauve won't see any playoff games. He was bad last night. Two of the Oilers' four goals were directly the fault of his poor positioning. On the Omark goal, Sauve (#47) drifts into no-man's land, turned completely the wrong way. When the puck is centered, he's so far out of position that he trips over Cory Schneider, taking them both out of the play. On the Paajarvi goal, that's Sauve in the corner, losing his religion.

• I wish I could counsel you to take this loss lightly, but I'm afraid I have some bad news: if you lose to the worst team in hockey, you become the worst team in hockey. It's like a zombie bite.

• Tanner Glass took a few hard punches for his efforts, but give him credit for trying--in his first game back from injury--to kickstart the team by dropping the gloves with JF Jacques. Considering he missed a handful of games with a rib problem that made it painful to shoot or pass the puck, I suspect that he also felt some pain trying to throw a fist with full force. No surprise, then, that he did not win this fight, and he probably lost another one when he went home and his fiancé Emily reminded him he promised he wouldn't fight tonight.

• With Andrew Alberts nearing full health, Aaron Rome is one Canuck who still has something to play for. He's played in 53 games this season, averaging 17:27, and you've got to imagine it would be hell to be scratched through the playoffs after getting used to that kind of playing time. Rome showcased his Alberts-like hittiness all night, throwing some big hits, including this hipcheck on JF Jacques, and this glorious hipcheck on Ladislav Smid at the end the first period. My favourite part of the latter clip is when he's skating to the bench, and he says something to an Edmonton player. I can't tell what it is; I've never been much for lipreading. My best guess is something about fondue.

• Jeff Tambellini had a team-low 11:20, which is mighty impressive, considering he started the game on the second line. Tambellini was not good. He had three shots, all right into the logo, and the play died on his stick more than a few times. I remember one particular instance where Kesler got him the puck behind the net, and he weakly centered it to nobody. It may as well have been an Edmonton outlet pass. Think his dad was impressed? If Tambellini signs with the Oilers next season as a defensemen, we'll know why.

• What's your take on Cory Schneider tonight? I thought he wasn't at his best. He made a bunch of really incredible saves, but a few of the goals seemed to be easier stops, and he let them by. Jordan Eberle's goal, for instance, was a classic case of losing the post, and on the Magnus Paajarvi goal, he wasn't square to the shooter. I know what's going on here, though: Schneider's pissed that he won't get enough games to have a share in the Jennings trophy, so he's trying to throw the trophy altogether. Cory Schneider is the mother in 1 Kings Chapter 3 who would rather cut the child in half.

• Nobody played particularly well last night, but I thought Jannik Hansen played particularly poorly. The third line lost possession a handful of times because Hansen was getting muscled off the puck and he wasn't winning puck battles. He finished with under twelve minutes of icetime, second lowest to Jeff Tambellini. Here's a helpful maxim: when Jannik Hansen is being punished for a poor effort, the team is probably having a bad night. Here it is in rhyme form: Bad game for Jannik? Good time to panic.

• I don't mind Mason Raymond at center. Raymond seems to be relishing the extra space, and the line is generating scoring chances. Most importantly, I haven't seen a MayRay-Go-Round since he was taken off the wing. It's hard to go around the net when you come through the middle. Raymond also won 4 of 7 faceoffs, including 3 of 4 in the offensive zone. This is especially noteworthy because CBC showed footage of Raymond and Glass working on their faceoff technique, and Raymond was getting absolutely smoked. At the time, I thought, if you can't beat Tanner Glass even once, you probably shouldn't be taking faceoffs at all.

• Henrik Sedin was actually the best faceoff man on the night, winning 11 of 16 draws.

• Speaking of Henrik, I couldn't help but chuckle on Alex Burrows' goal. After Henrik and Burrows break out 2-on-1, three Oilers scramble to catch up to the play. Two of them make it and, joining the last man back, all three simply surround Henrik Sedin. Burrows really has no choice but to shoot. If he had tried to pass it, Henrik would have been dogpiled. He probably would have disappeared into a cartoonish fight cloud.

• Christian Ehrhoff played over twenty-five minutes last night. Is that necessary? Granted, he's the Canucks best offensive defenseman and having him on the ice is the best way to mount a comeback, but Ehrhoff's logged a lot of time this season. In a mean-nothing game, three games before the playoffs, I'd rather his minutes are limited than see him play 10:03 of the third period trying to get Vancouver back into it. Ehrhoff needs rest, or he'll never beat JFK in a drag race.

• The Oilers played exceptionally physical last night, especially on the Sedins. Each time Daniel or Henrik had the puck behind the net, the Oiler defenders began a rigorous cross-checking regimen designed to turn their spines to pudding.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Wild, January 16, 2011

Canucks 0 - 4 Wild

Every so often, good hockey teams comes down with a case of bogusness. Suddenly, they flub passes, fan on shots, miss defensive coverages, and skate around like the walking dead, more suited to converging on the Monroeville Mall than the Xcel Energy Center. It can be terribly difficult to watch a team do hockey in these instances, as they seem to have forgotten how entirely. When this happens to your team, hockey fan, it is advised, for your sanity, that you A) stop watching, and B) do not continue watching. That is, unless you're committed to a blog that does game recaps for every game, even the awful ones that are more torturous than the last game you described as torturous. Sigh. I watched this game:

• Allowing Henrik Lundqvist to shut you out: acceptable. Allowing Anton Khudobin (emphasis on the who?) to shut you out: less acceptable. Granted, Khudobin stopped 32 shots and deserves congratulations for his first NHL shutout, but he was vomiting rebounds like a fat guy out of a Monty Python sketch. Despite gift-wrapping some dandy tap-ins and putting himself out of position more than a few times, he never needed to worry, as the Canucks reacted to all yawning cages by yawning back.

• How bad were the Canucks last night? Shorthouse and Garrett remarked--on two occasions--that Martin Havlat was having a good defensive game. When you make Martin Havlat look defensively sound, you are playing poorly.

• Speaking of the broadcast team, we often rag on John Garrett for being an insane homer, but John Shorthouse has his moments as well. Consider, for instance, his liberal use of the word "shutout," from the middle of the second period onward. This can only have been a brazen attempt to jinx Khudobin into letting one past him, but unfortunately, Shorthouse is as terrible at cursing someone as Wendy, the Good Little Witch.

• Also awesome homerism: when Shorty tried to wish his son a happy birthday, and the cameras went to random boys in the crowd. Shorty made sure to mention these kids weren't his kid, and when Garrett remarked that a boy in a Wild jersey resembled Shorty's son slightly, Shorty snapped back that his son wouldn't be wearing a Wild jersey.
  

• If you want an example of how terrible the Canucks were, look no further than their 4th goal against: the Canucks control the puck for about a minute, seemingly incapable of making two crisp feeds. Passes are in legs, overskated, off skates and over sticks. Minnesota is content to sit back while the Canucks dick around, so they hardly forecheck during this comedy of errors. Then, after bungling for an entire shift, the Canucks finally dump the puck in and make a sloppy line change. Their forechecker, Jannik Hansen, is so slow to pressure that Minnesota is already in transition by the time he gets there. The Wild have the the puck for ten seconds. In that time, Alex Edler gives up the zone, then gives up the boards, and Raffi Torres goes for a skate while his man, John Madden finds himself open in front for a tap-in. I'm sure the team will be watching video of this sequence, as they looked slow, inept, and out of sync, and Minnesota made them look stupid.
  

• My wife, upon watching that sequence: "Wow, Minnesota is fast." No, honey, they most definitely are not. But there was a time when people thought a 28.8 modem was fast, too. It just depends on what you're comparing it to.

• Shorty and Garrett lauded Alex Edler on his strong play lately, noting that he hadn't been a minus player in ten games. In an effort to make up for this, Edler put in a minus-3 performance, including gift-wrapping a breakaway for Marty Havlat goal with a beautiful drop pass. Perhaps he realized he's not ready to be thought of as the number one guy, and was simply managing expectations?

• This is two losses in three games, and while it's tempting to say the Canucks are so good the only way to beat them is to shut them out, let's be more damning. The Canucks are mired in a brutal scoring slump right now, shut out twice on this road trip and looking completely uninterested in scoring goals at times. Ignore the four they put up in Washington; there are Timbits minor hockey teams that could score on the Capitals.

• Because our complementary scoring has been solid for two seasons now, People often forget that the Canucks' offense lives and dies with the Wizards of the Coast. Henrik Sedin has now gone three games without a point. The last time Henrik had three or more pointless games was last February, when he didn't get on the board in four straight. The Canucks went 1-3 in that span. Here's hoping a wide open game in Colorado breaks the slump before the Canucks repeat that exact scenario.

• You know who needs offense? The Canucks. Know who's on a pretty impressive scoring streak? Sergei Shirokov. Know who doesn't have an extra forward on the roster right now? The Canucks. Know who they should call up? Mario Bliznak.
  

• While there are no excuses for playing this badly, here's one: The Canucks are exhausted. After six games in nine nights, they immediately began a five-game road trip that's taken them across the country and back. You could say the dense January schedule appears to be catching up with them. Good teams can overcome a bit of sand in their skates, but there are going to be games like this one, where they simply don't have the legs. This is cause for concern, however, because the schedule doesn't let up for quite awhile.

• Watch Christian Ehrhoff try to catch Matt Cullen on the shorthanded goal (2:50 of above clip). Daniel Sedin outskates him. Daniel Sedin.

• The Wild's first goal probably shouldn't have counted. Last I checked, you couldn't score by having a super orgy porno party on top of the goaltender, then driving him into the net with a Shoryuken. Maybe this is a new rule.

• People often criticize Alain Vigneault for juggling lines last night like Zack Morris trying to have three dates at once, but when every single one of your scorers suddenly becomes dead weight, you'll try anything. The truth is that the players hate line-juggling as much as the fans do. The coach knows this; it's an in-game punishment. The way to earn consistent linemates is to be consistent. When he mixes up the lines, Vigneault isn't just guessing or hoper-groping--he's sending a message to his team.

• Speaking of AV, I love the way he chews gum when his team is crapping the bed. Slightly harder. Is that a tell or what? I want to play poker with Alain Vigneault. #PokerMeAlain

• Ryan Kesler was 4-for-14 in the faceoff circle. His thumb is clearly still bothering him. I hope, for his sake, he takes care of that thing before he loses it, or he'll have to go through life unable to hitchhike or co-host film review programs.

• Mason Raymond has regressed to the perimeter play he appeared to have grown out of early last season. Let's hope this is just temporary and he finds that other gear soon. He's not even on pace for twenty goals, and he's supposed to be an anchor on the second line.

• Poor Cory Schneider has gone from being Roy Halladay of the Philadelphia Phillies to Roy Halladay of the Toronto Blue Jays. Poor guy could use some run support.
  

• In the absence of Alex Bolduc, Tanner Glass spent some time in the middle. He was 3-for-5 on draws, which means he's been above 50% in both games as the 4th line center. I knew he was smart, but I'm concerned at how quickly he's learning. What else can he become proficient at in a short period of time? I need to go practice my Scrabble.
  

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Coyotes, November 21, 2010

Canucks 2 - 3 Coyotes

Crud. We watched this game, and crud.

• For the fifth game in a row (!!!), the Canucks dug themselves a two-goal hole before they generated anything. This is a problem. They dig more holes than Dig Dug. Word of advice to the Canucks: I have personally found it is easier to win games when, at some point, I am winning.
  
  
• We at PITB feel like the topic has been a little played out, but the Canucks defense corps is a shoddy six-man unit right now. There is a corpse-ness to their defensive game, and the holes that they dig for themselves are becoming graves. Wasn't defensive depth supposed to be a strength going into this season? I've never missed Sami Salo so much, and he once spent a wonderful summer living in my backyard, teaching me lessons about life.
  
  
• Has anyone seen the Sedins cycle, maybe in a lost and found box somewhere? If so, please return it to Rogers Arena, care of Daniel and Henrik. They continue to avoid sustained offensive pressure like it was housework assigned by their wives (say, doing laundry or taking out the trash--they avoid cycling and recycling). Tonight we noticed that the crummy defense is also playing into this problem, as pucks sent to the blue line have a tendency of sitting on a defenseman's stick long enough for opposing defenders to recover and take away shooting lanes. We request quicker decisions and puck movement.
  
  
• We saw hot and cold from the fourth line tonight. I was just beginning to rag on them for playing ungood when Tanner Glass scored on a heads-up setup from Peter Schaefer, briefly nullifying the statement. Then they gave up the game-winning goal, so... yeah. Note: we were going to link to TVTropes.com's "So yeah" entry here, but it appears to be gone. In it's place, let's try: Sorry, I'm Gay.
  
  
• Anyway. Tanner Glass pounced on that loose puck like it was an unpluralized word dangling over a triple word score (#ScrabbleMeTanner). He read that play like it was 1984.
  
  
• In case anybody thought Joel Perrault was going to accomplish anything, he had 8 shifts tonight and a team-low 4:49 of ice time. He won zero draws, which is notable, as he took two. Who else is left to play center? Bryant "Big Country" Reeves is a natural center looking for a contract, and he's already got some ties to Vancouver.
  
  
• Unfortunately, the 4th-line center role is no longer the Canucks key concern. They have more worries than Simba the lion king, pre-Hakuna Matata.
  
  
• Mason Raymond is simply struggling with his confidence. He hasn't scored since the fluke in Toronto, and that's his only goal in November. His last tally came on October 26 versus Colorado. You could see his lack of confidence tonight on a shorthanded 2-on-1, when he passed the puck off to Alex Burrows, despite having a step on the lone man back. Mason Raymond is a speed demon, not a passing demon. Maybe he should watch every goal he scored last season to get his confidence back?
  
  
• On a positive note, this was a better game than the game which shall not be named, otherwise known as the Voldemort game. Our theory is that the Canucks played the Voldermort game against the Blackhawks in honour of the new Harry Potter movie, which they obviously all saw when it opened the night before.
  
  
• Though it didn't lead to a tying goal, the Canucks' urgency in the game's final minute was something to be praised. They should do that fifty-nine more times each night.
  
  
• I feel like the sun might be setting on Alain Vigneault's heavily-criticized faith in Aaron Rome. It appears all roads are being diverted away from Rome, having previously led to him exclusively, at least in a common idiom. He played 10:30 tonight, and still managed to find time to take a minor penalty and finish the night minus-2. How does he fit it all in?
  
  
• That's what she said.
  
  
• Lucky for Aaron Rome, the team is sucking collectively, like they're all on a date at a malt shoppe. Andrew Alberts wins the participant ribbon for his non-play on Scottie Upshall on the game's first goal. Take the stick, NHLberts, or we'll send you down to AHLberts faster than you can say, "Please don't do that."
  

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Canadiens, November 9, 2010

Canucks 0 - 2 Canadiens

After the sublime pleasure of watching the last two Canucks games, this game was excruciating. It wasn't just that the Canucks lost - though that certainly doesn't help - it's that they lost in such a lacklustre, boring way. The Canucks started the game flat-footed, were unable to string passes together, generally looked slower than a Shaun of the Dead zombie. Everything seemed to go wrong: instead of possessing the puck, they chased it. Instead of forechecking hard, they lazily coasted through the offensive zone. Instead of setting the tone with strong physical play, the Canucks were the victim of a couple early big hits, setting them back on their heels.

In any case, I watched this game. It wasn't fun. And while the IWTG posts are usually full of wit, in-jokes, and joie de vivre, it's a lot harder to do after such a terrible game. That said, it's a lot easier to take a game like this after a 6-game winning streak. Canucks fans have a tendency to go through rapid-fire mood-swings, like a terrible Katy Perry song. One loss like this is not the end of the world: the Canucks are still a good team that should be able to learn from this defeat and put together a stronger effort through the rest of their Eastern road trip.

• I'm sure some people will characterize this game as the Canucks running into a hot goaltender, but it really wasn't the case. Often when a goalie is on his game, he makes difficult saves look routine, but in this game, the saves looked routine because they were. Yes, Carey Price was as good as he needed to be and did make a few good saves, including a good one on Dan Hamhuis when the score was still only 1-0 and a great one on Jannik Hansen that would have been more meaningful if it hadn't been with only a few seconds remaining in the game.

• A revealing statistic: 9 of the Canucks' 34 shots came from Christian Ehrhoff, with an additional 9 from the other defencemen. That's a lot of shots from the point and nowhere near enough shots from the forwards. An inability to get shots from in close meant an easy night for Carey Price.

• The Canucks were generally terrible on faceoffs, going a combined 23 for 53, for a winning percentage of 43%. Henrik was disastrous at 13%, including going 0 for 8 in the offensive zone. It's no surprise, then, that the Sedins were unable to sustain much offensive pressure. Manny "Alternate Captain Mal" Malhotra was his usual consistent self at 57%. The only other centre at 50% or better was Rick Rypien, who won both of his vitally important faceoffs.

• In a game like this, it's hard to pick out one player or another who was particularly bad, because everyone was generally bad. Andrew Alberts, however, didn't do himself any favors with two careless penalties, the second of which led directly to the Canadiens' second goal. He also seemed to mistake himself for Shane O'Brien a couple times, attempting to skate the puck out of the defensive zone by juking out a couple defenders. It didn't work.

• At the same time, Alberts didn't play terribly, it's just that his terrible moments were exceedingly noticeable. Many will be calling for Keith Ballard to replace Alberts next game, but I wouldn't be surprised to see Aaron Rome in the pressbox instead. He played like what he is - a seventh defenceman - and Alberts overall hittiness is an essential component of the Canucks success. That said, Alberts was effectively benched in the third period, playing only 1:50 in the final frame, so...

• Andrew Alberts first penalty, a double-minor for highsticking, was a stupid penalty to take. Pro-tip: don't hit opponents in the face. On the plus-side, the Canucks got their first decent scoring chances while killing the double-minor and the Sedins managed their best shift of the game shortly thereafter. Considering the Canadiens' powerplay was only 6% going into the game, it almost seemed worthwhile to take more penalties as the Canucks seemed to play better shorthanded. Then Hamrlik scored on the powerplay. Forget that theory.

• The Canucks powerplay was anemic tonight. (It literally had anemia; please donate blood to the Canucks powerplay.) They were seemingly unable to gain the offensive zone and repeatedly attempted to do so the same way, by trying to skate it through the 4 penalty killers lined up on the blue line. Considering the Canucks played against the Wild's trap for years, it was incredibly painful watching them attempt the same method of gaining the zone despite its repeatedly failure. Definition of insanity, people.

• As an aside, Canadiens fans baffle me. One minute they're booing the home team (which is a great way to negate your home ice advantage) and the next they're chanting "Carey, Carey, Carey." They're moodier than Canucks fans and that's saying a lot.

• Jannik Hansen continues to be one of my favorite Canucks. He's essentially Burrows-lite, forechecking like crazy, hitting with abandon, and hounding opponents constantly to force turnovers. He's all over the opposition like slobber on a Great Dane.

• As for regular-strength Burrows, he had a reasonable game. Despite the top line's inability to get anything done tonight, Burrows was a complete nuisance to play against, with six hits to tie for Hansen for the most in the game. He and the Sedins need to start clicking as a line on this road trip or Samuelsson and Burrows might trade places on the top two lines.

Ugh. I'm tired of talking about this game. It wasn't entertaining and the Canucks didn't play well. It doesn't help that I'm writing this on an ancient laptop that goes into conniptions just opening a regular website. The bitterness is immeasurably heightened and even the rum and coke I made (with delicious Sailor Jerry rum) isn't making the bitterness go away. Hey, remember when the Canucks beat the Red Wings 6-4? That was awesome.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Oilers, September 26, 2010

I Watched This Game is a recurring feature on Pass it to Bulis, chronicling the insights and observations of two guys that watched a hockey game.

Eight goals for the Edmonton Oilers. Eight. What in tarnations?

That was, suffice it to say, a terrible game. If I were coach of the team, I'd cut everyone in this unit and start the season with the squad that beat the Ducks last night. Mind you, that's why I'm not the coach of the team. I have faith that AV will be able to sort through this mess and send the guiltiest parties back to Manitoba (ex: Kevin Bieksa). Thankfully, I won't dwell on this too much. It was a preseason game, and Dexter's on in half an hour. Let's make this quick.

• We watched this game with our wives. During the anthem, they commented on the size of Horcoff's nose. Skeeter's response: "Horcoff has a heck of a honker." Weird.
• Hodgson looked reasonable in his first preseason game, quickly getting into the game with some physical play. He looked strong and confident, though not confident enough to try anything especially creative. He played a safe, responsible game and did not look out of place with Kesler and Raymond. With a couple more strong performances, this could actually be a line we see at the start of the season, with Samuelsson starting with the Sedins. In any case, it's hard to gauge Hodgson's performance given that the team collectively sucked.
• As mentioned above, Bieksa did not have a good game. He wasn't alone, as the defense was just plain bad. Lee Sweatt was arguably the best defender, but he made several mistakes as well, notably a poorly advised pinch on the Oiler's fourth goal. There was a wealth of odd-man rushes for the Oilers to take advantage of, mostly caused by poor positioning by the defense. It's comforting to note that Ehrhoff, Edler, and Hamhuis weren't in this game, but Ballard, Bieksa, and SOB were and they were not good. At all.
• While he didn't have much support in front of him, Cory Schneider had a poor game. He let in 8 goals, there's not much more to say. Quite frankly, Eddie Lack has outplayed Schneider in the preseason. There wasn't a battle for the backup role heading into camp, but 8 goals opens up the debate.
• The following Canucks were not terrible: Oreskovich, Morrison, Kesler, Raymond, Hodgson, and Malhotra. The rest were terrible or, at best, unnoticeable.
• I desperately want to make a drunk Khabibulin joke, but Skeeter's the one typing this (awkwardly writing in the third person), so it's not happening.
• Funniest part of the game was Hordichuk trying to steal Volpatti's fight and getting a penalty. "No, Volpatti, you're not making the team by fighting, I am! That's my job!" Guess what, Hordi, it's not going to be your job in the future. As in, this season.
• Hordichuk did manage to get in a fight with Zack Stortini, but the real highlight was after the fight, when the penalty box camera captured him watching his fight on the Jumbotron and making some sweet reaction shots. The video above stops just before the first of these.
• Burrows claimed that the Canucks' sluggish play might be due, in part, because they flew in that day and didn't get to indulge in their pre-game nap. That puts hockey alongside kindergarten as the only place where a nap makes or breaks the success of the day.