I Watched This Game: Canucks at Oilers, April 5, 2011

Canucks 0 - 2 Oilers

After watching the awful game on Saturday between these two teams, I was initially pleased that Harrison was on IWTG duty for that game and I was responsible for this game. Surely the Canucks would put together a better effort. Surely they wouldn't lose to the Oilers two games in a row. Surely they would buckle down, straighten up, put their hand to the plow and nose to the grindstone, swing into action and and take the bull by the horns. Instead, like Buffy Summers (seen above), the Canucks were just going through the motions all game long. However, as our Twitter followers pointed out, when Buffy was going through the motions, she still won. The Canucks did not. And while I wish I had instead watched "Once More, With Feeling" again, I watched this game.

• Through 10 minutes, the Canucks had 1 shot on goal, putting them on pace for 6. It was an ugly, ugly opening to this game. The rest of the game wasn't much better, as they never sustained any significant offensive and pressure and never truly challenged Dubnyk. Actually, I'm not quite sure who was out there in the Canucks uniforms, but they certainly bore very little resemblance to the Canucks that I have watched all season long. I suspect Mike Gillis sought out 20 fanatical Canuck fans amongst the various adult rec leagues in BC, had them undergo radical plastic surgery to turn them into Canuck doppelgangers, and had them replace the real Canucks as soon as they wrapped up the Presidents' Trophy. The real Canucks are busy training underwater like Team Evil from Shaolin Soccer.

• Seriously, though, there's no reason to be concerned. The Canucks are, unsurprisingly, playing like a team with nothing to play for. While it would certainly be nice to see them continue to dominate the opposition in these final games before the playoffs, it's not surprising to see them play with such little urgency. The only thing they're concerned about at this point is avoiding injuries. Despite playing shorthanded for over 11 minutes, only one forward--Ryan Kesler--blocked a shot on the penalty kill.
  

• Alain Vigneault kept his promise of getting Schneider into enough games to qualify for the Jennings Trophy, if the Canucks can hang onto it. With the game essentially over, we got 28 Seconds of Schneider, which, coincidentally, is also the name of my Electro-Pop side project.

• On a positive note this picture of Linus Omark with the Sedins is absolutely incredible. The company that made the Sedins' tracksuits is still in business; Bruce Boudreau is their biggest customer.

• Despite the Canucks best efforts to phone this game in, it was abundantly clear that they were indeed the better, more skilled team. They just weren't the hardest working team. The Oilers' first period goal with just seconds remaining was pure luck, deflecting off Ryan Jones' skate on the powerplay. They needed a 4 minute 5-on-3 to beat Luongo again. They seemed to be pretty excited about barely defeating a barely-there Canucks team, but considering they have very little to be excited about in Edmonton right now, I'll guess we'll let them savor this for a bit.

• Noticing how the Canucks were phoning in this game, the refs decided to do the same. It was a poorly managed game from start to finish, as they waited too long to call coincidental minors on one of the many post-whistle scrums, one of the many reasons the game got out of hand and ugly. The other reason was that the Oilers somehow didn't end up shorthanded until the start of the third period. Meanwhile, the Sedins got tripped, hooked, and mugged. Daniel and Henrik discovered after the game that their loonies and toonies were stolen.

• The worst non-call, however, came while the Canucks were killing off the 5-on-3 powerplay: Mason Raymond used his speed to get the puck deep and was attempting to kill time along the boards. His effort was cut short when he was slammed face first into the boards directly from behind. Nothing. No call. Gutless. I couldn't find video of it anywhere: instead, enjoy this blatant tackle of Ryan Kesler by Theo Peckham favorably labeled in the NHL video highlights as a "hit." Anyone notice how the arm and hand that Peckham wrapped around Kesler was nowhere near his own stick? The referees didn't.

• Vancouver's normal course of action when a team is taking liberties physically is to punish them with goals on the powerplay. With the referees so reticent to put the Canucks on the powerplay, they eventually took matters into their own hands, taking some unnecessary and flagrant penalties. The double crosscheck that, in combination with the Torres major, destroyed any hope of a comeback by the comatose Canucks, was almost as blatant as Derek Smalls' foil-wrapped cucumber.

• I admit: my frustration with the reffing initially clouded my vision on the Raffi Torres hit on Jordan Eberle. After some time to unwind and watch the replays, it's a clear blindside hit to the head. While Torres definitely had his elbow tucked in and wasn't aiming for the head (in fact making contact with his elbow on Eberle's shoulder first), the principle point of contact was the head. Torres will likely face a suspension, though I don't expect anything more than two games considering his clean history with the league and that Eberle immediately popped to his feet, played on the following powerplay, and is evidently completely uninjured.

• The ice at Rexall is shamefully bad. The puck bounced all over the place, a severe handicap for a smooth-passing team like the Canucks. Ryan Kesler seemed to struggle the most, frequently losing the handle while carrying the puck, resulting in 3 recorded giveaways, a game high. Considering he now has only 19 recorded giveaways over the entire season, that's significant. He also whiffed actively prevented the puck going in on a wide open net during the Canucks first powerplay. Let's just say that it wasn't his best game, but he did lead the Canucks in shorthanded time on ice, won 11-of-18 faceoffs, and broke the glass behind Devan Dubnyk in the first period...with his wristshot. I've said it before, I'll say it again: the NHL should introduce a hardest wristshot competition at the All Star Game.

• Aaron Rome appears to be incapable of passing the puck. It has become infuriating: he is very capable of making the simple play - the bank off the glass out of the zone, the dump-in from the blue line, the soft wrist shot from the point into the goalies pads - but seems unable to make higher-level plays than that. While there is certainly a place for a player like Aaron Rome, it's not in the top-four of a Stanley Cup favorite. Fortunately, with Alex Edler and Andrew Alberts practicing with the team and Dan Hamhuis skating again on his own, Rome might not even be on the ice to start the playoffs.

• I'm honestly trying to think of some positive things to say: I suppose Ehrhoff and Bieksa were okay. Luongo made some nice saves. Unless Raymond received a stealth concussion from bashing his face on the boards, they escaped the game without injuries. Higgins still appears capable of playing hockey in a competent manner. Ugh. I'm praising competence. This was a bad game. Let's just all forget it happened, bite our lips through the final two games of the regular season, and try to survive until the start of the playoffs.

Quotes Taken Out of Context: Staios Edition

"If Ethan’s mom was coming back from injury, I think he’d take a run at her."

- Steve Staios, April 2, 2011

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Oilers, April 2, 2011

Canucks 1 - 4 Oilers

Last night was a bewildering stinker, the likes of which we haven't seen in months, and it makes sense. While the Canucks didn't throw in the towel, there was literally no motivation for them to play hard last night, apart from the fact that it was the right thing to do. The game meant nothing to them. Meanwhile, the Oilers were motivated. For them, a Hockey Night in Canada tilt against the best team in hockey (and a team they thoroughly despise), is reason enough to go all out. They did, too: the Oilers played a fabulous game, and unfortunately for Vancouver, this admirable effort coincided with the Canucks laying down a complete turd. I watched this turd game:

• How can you tell the Canucks were woefully out of sync tonight? The Sedins went offside once. Think about the last time you saw that happen. It's nigh impossible for the twins to go offside. Watch their Superskills puck relay. They're the same person.

• It's probably safe to say that Yann Sauve won't see any playoff games. He was bad last night. Two of the Oilers' four goals were directly the fault of his poor positioning. On the Omark goal, Sauve (#47) drifts into no-man's land, turned completely the wrong way. When the puck is centered, he's so far out of position that he trips over Cory Schneider, taking them both out of the play. On the Paajarvi goal, that's Sauve in the corner, losing his religion.

• I wish I could counsel you to take this loss lightly, but I'm afraid I have some bad news: if you lose to the worst team in hockey, you become the worst team in hockey. It's like a zombie bite.

• Tanner Glass took a few hard punches for his efforts, but give him credit for trying--in his first game back from injury--to kickstart the team by dropping the gloves with JF Jacques. Considering he missed a handful of games with a rib problem that made it painful to shoot or pass the puck, I suspect that he also felt some pain trying to throw a fist with full force. No surprise, then, that he did not win this fight, and he probably lost another one when he went home and his fiancé Emily reminded him he promised he wouldn't fight tonight.

• With Andrew Alberts nearing full health, Aaron Rome is one Canuck who still has something to play for. He's played in 53 games this season, averaging 17:27, and you've got to imagine it would be hell to be scratched through the playoffs after getting used to that kind of playing time. Rome showcased his Alberts-like hittiness all night, throwing some big hits, including this hipcheck on JF Jacques, and this glorious hipcheck on Ladislav Smid at the end the first period. My favourite part of the latter clip is when he's skating to the bench, and he says something to an Edmonton player. I can't tell what it is; I've never been much for lipreading. My best guess is something about fondue.

• Jeff Tambellini had a team-low 11:20, which is mighty impressive, considering he started the game on the second line. Tambellini was not good. He had three shots, all right into the logo, and the play died on his stick more than a few times. I remember one particular instance where Kesler got him the puck behind the net, and he weakly centered it to nobody. It may as well have been an Edmonton outlet pass. Think his dad was impressed? If Tambellini signs with the Oilers next season as a defensemen, we'll know why.

• What's your take on Cory Schneider tonight? I thought he wasn't at his best. He made a bunch of really incredible saves, but a few of the goals seemed to be easier stops, and he let them by. Jordan Eberle's goal, for instance, was a classic case of losing the post, and on the Magnus Paajarvi goal, he wasn't square to the shooter. I know what's going on here, though: Schneider's pissed that he won't get enough games to have a share in the Jennings trophy, so he's trying to throw the trophy altogether. Cory Schneider is the mother in 1 Kings Chapter 3 who would rather cut the child in half.

• Nobody played particularly well last night, but I thought Jannik Hansen played particularly poorly. The third line lost possession a handful of times because Hansen was getting muscled off the puck and he wasn't winning puck battles. He finished with under twelve minutes of icetime, second lowest to Jeff Tambellini. Here's a helpful maxim: when Jannik Hansen is being punished for a poor effort, the team is probably having a bad night. Here it is in rhyme form: Bad game for Jannik? Good time to panic.

• I don't mind Mason Raymond at center. Raymond seems to be relishing the extra space, and the line is generating scoring chances. Most importantly, I haven't seen a MayRay-Go-Round since he was taken off the wing. It's hard to go around the net when you come through the middle. Raymond also won 4 of 7 faceoffs, including 3 of 4 in the offensive zone. This is especially noteworthy because CBC showed footage of Raymond and Glass working on their faceoff technique, and Raymond was getting absolutely smoked. At the time, I thought, if you can't beat Tanner Glass even once, you probably shouldn't be taking faceoffs at all.

• Henrik Sedin was actually the best faceoff man on the night, winning 11 of 16 draws.

• Speaking of Henrik, I couldn't help but chuckle on Alex Burrows' goal. After Henrik and Burrows break out 2-on-1, three Oilers scramble to catch up to the play. Two of them make it and, joining the last man back, all three simply surround Henrik Sedin. Burrows really has no choice but to shoot. If he had tried to pass it, Henrik would have been dogpiled. He probably would have disappeared into a cartoonish fight cloud.

• Christian Ehrhoff played over twenty-five minutes last night. Is that necessary? Granted, he's the Canucks best offensive defenseman and having him on the ice is the best way to mount a comeback, but Ehrhoff's logged a lot of time this season. In a mean-nothing game, three games before the playoffs, I'd rather his minutes are limited than see him play 10:03 of the third period trying to get Vancouver back into it. Ehrhoff needs rest, or he'll never beat JFK in a drag race.

• The Oilers played exceptionally physical last night, especially on the Sedins. Each time Daniel or Henrik had the puck behind the net, the Oiler defenders began a rigorous cross-checking regimen designed to turn their spines to pudding.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Oilers, January 07, 2011

Canucks 6 - 1 Oilers

I don't think there was ever really any concern that the Oilers might win tonight. There was, I guess, a nagging concern that the Canucks might lose, but seriously, this Oilers team isn't built to win hockey games. It's built to accrue picks, like Questlove's hair or Tenacious D.

My favourite thing about this year's edition of the Vancouver Canucks (apart from all the winning, naturally) is that they don't seek revenge through fighting. They just embarrass you by scoring more goals. Seriously. This is the team we have. No retaliatory fighting, just retaliatory goals. We saw it tonight as the game began to go pear-shaped for Edmonton, and they tried to salvage some measure of respect by picking on Tanner Glass. The Canucks' response? Bury them in goals. Get hat tricks. Bury them like Beatrix Kiddo. It's fun to watch. And I did watch. Yes sir, I watched this game:

• Like a high school Home Ec. class, the Canucks created a lot of turnovers tonight. The Oilers really struggled to get the puck out of their zone. You'd have to think the absence of Ryan Whitney accounts for this sudden transitional ineptitude, as the only puck-mover on the Oilers' defense continues to miss games with a bad ankle. You'll recall that he played nearly thirty minutes in a game between these two teams on December 10th.

• In Whitney's absence, we saw a lot more of Theo "Huxtable" Peckham, who continues a storied tradition of black Theos who can't seem to stay out of trouble. Among his comedy of errors: tripping Mikael Samuelsson; needlessly punching Mikael Samuelsson in the head; hitting Ales Hemsky in the face with a puck. He's lucky Bill Cosby isn't his dad, because he'd get a real talking to about responsibility.

• The Oilers came out flying, seeming to think if they won the first ten minutes, they wouldn't have to play the rest of the game. Despite not winning the first ten minutes, they stuck to their game plan.
  

• There are games when the Sedin twins are unnoticeable, except on the scoresheet. There are other games, like tonight, when it's apparent from puck drop they're going to make their opponents look silly. Both Daniel and Henrik finished with 3 points--Henrik his customary 3 helpers, and Daniel 2 goals and 1 assist. Their first goal was a lesson in how to hit an open net (Mason Raymond, take note). Their second goal (above) was classic Wizardous Sedinerie. It also showcased the Third Law of Sedinery: if one pass is customary, the Sedins will make two. On a breakaway, Henrik makes one pass when others would make none. On a two-on-one, Henrik and Daniel make two passes where others would make one. In school, teachers hated the way they would hand in the same test twice.

• Also of note on Daniel's second goal, Alex Burrows' savvy flip pass to spring the Sedins. The line has been pulling this play all season, and it tends to catch defenders sleeping. It's safe to say the Sedins are the only players in hockey cribbing plays from Dwayne Robertson.

• A word about Daniel Sedin, who makes a living getting upstaged. Daniel scored two goals before Kesler did. This was rightfully his hat trick. But, just like Henrik took all the credit during his Hart-winning season, Ryan Kesler stole all the glory tonight, winning their impromptu hat trick fight.

• Sidenote: I imagine a hat trick fight to be two magicians pulling various weaponry out of their top hats. In the climax, the first magician pulls a grenade, and throws it at the second, who catches it in his top hat. Then, the second pulls out a bouquet of flowers. It explodes in the first magician's face, killing him instantly. Flawless victory.

• Anyway, Daniel even had his chance to match Kesler's hat trick, but his power move to the net was stopped by Khabibulin, and Alex Edler, the snake, ruined everything by scoring. Dick move. Daniel's subsequent fist bump looked a little aggressive to me. Out for blood.

• Kesler's hat trick was really something, huh? He scored three times, no lie. Thrice, in fact. His first goal came on a wrist shot so hard it broke both the Bulin wall and the fourth wall, turning to the audience and soliloquizing. His second and third goals were both tips. It was like the debit machine prompted him for a tip, and he felt obligated and tipped too much. At 2 of 3, that's a 66% tip, which is a drastic overtip.

• The best moment of Kesler's hat trick goal comes sixteen seconds into the video, as a dude wearing a hat suddenly realizes what just happened. Wait! I'm wearing a hat! #HatTrickKid

• The real story, of course, is that the Canucks continue to put in 59-minute efforts. They blew yet another shutout tonight, as Cory Schneider lost his post on a scramble at the end of the second. Ales Hemsky got the goal with 0.3 seconds on the clock. This is unacceptable. Were I at the game, I would have booed vociferously. It is my right as a ticket buyer and I'm an idiot.

• Anyway, apart from that Cory Schneider was good. He usually is. Whatever. We could talk about how the Canucks are 8-0-2 when he starts, but it's getting boring. The Canucks just win a lot. You could make up an absurdly positively stat and it would probably be half-true. The Canucks are 13-0-1 when Raffi Torres eats a pregame ham and swiss sandwich. Thi8s is a Tru Fakt.

• In his inaugural game as the fourth-line center (a promotion he clearly relished) Tanner Glass went 4-for-6 in the faceoff circle. He also had a game-high six hits in 11:38 of icetime. He looked pretty good.

• His positive faceoff numbers would have been quite the accomplishment had the Oilers not forgotten that the purpose of a faceoff is to try to gain possession of the puck. The Canucks won 37 of 54 faceoffs, led by 14-for-17 and 8-for-10 nights for Kesler and Henrik, respectively. Kesler won all 7 of his defensive zone faceoffs, and that, Reid's friends, is why he takes them.

• Ales Hemsky is a giant shovel. After being obliterated on a clean Glass hit, Hemsky proceeded to chase the Canucks' fourth-line center across the ice, hooking and cross-checking all the way. Glass, the zennest of zen Canucks, ignored this antagonism, likely reciting Scrabble's allowable two-letter words as a mantra.
  

• And finally, Daniel (Wagner, not Sedin) pointed out early on that this game would get chippy, as the referees missed some early warning signs and didn't manage the game well in the first. By the third period, the Oilers were clearly frustrated, and began taking out their frustrations in a frustrating way. In the funniest moment of the night, Tanner Glass was assaulted by Hemsky and Jason Strudwick, only to have Raffi Torres leap to his assistance from the top rope ala Randy "The Ram" Robinson, horse collar him, and then fall down. Torres, you lovable fool. Thankfully, he provided a goofy-looking cushion for Glass to land on when he was tackled.
  

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Oilers, December 26, 2010

Canucks 3 - 2 Oilers

A couple days ago on Puck Daddy, Justine Bourne wrote about the dreaded post-Christmas game, and suggested that hockey fans "be sure to set [the] DVR for 'anything but NHL hockey' on Dec. 26 and 27" as players work off their Christmas hams and turkeys with lethargic play. Instead, both the Canucks and Oilers came out flying in a fairly wide-open hockey game. The Canucks carried the bulk of the play, out-shooting the Oilers 33-21, but Khabibulin put up a wall, the Oilers were opportunistic with their chances, and the Canucks had to come from behind to win this one.

I wasn't worried for an instant: as everyone knows, the two-goal lead is the worst lead in hockey. As soon as the Oilers went up 2-0, I knew the Canucks had this game in the bag. Despite such foreknowledge, I watched this entire game:

• Last Boxing Day, Jeff Tambellini sat in the press box at Madison Square Garden, a healthy scratch while his New York Islanders eked out an overtime victory against the Rangers. Three nights later, he would get 12:27 of icetime in his first game in three weeks before heading right back in the press box for the next game. In the new year, he would play one game in January, two more in February, and finish the season in and out of the press box, without a goal since November 23rd in Toronto. That offseason, the worst team in the NHL let him walk without much consideration, and they're probably the only ones who are even remotely sore about it. Tamby got picked up by his hometown team, and his luck changed dramatically. Tonight, he scored a vital goal on his patented high wrister, had another waved off, and buzzed around the offensive and defensive zones making big plays (including a huge backcheck on a 2-on-1). Give the kid credit for an incredible turnaround.

• The Biggest Idiot Ever award goes to the two fans sitting behind the Oilers' net in the 1st and 3rd period who couldn't seem to refrain from banging their hands on the glass ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Pro Tip: when you do that, your team does not get a brief turbo boost.

• The First Law of Sedinery: if a game is tied late in the third period, and the Sedins have not yet factored into a goal, they'll soon factor into the game-winner. Both Sedins had strong games, creating multiple scoring chances, including a perfect setup for Andrew Alberts in the slot. Unfortunately, it was a perfect setup for Andrew Alberts in the slot.

• The fourth line had only one shift after the complete collapse that led to the Oilers' first goal, leaving both Aaron Volpatti and Alexandre Bolduc with under 5 minutes in total time-on-ice. The only reason Tanner Glass had more is because he was used once in a penalty killing role in the third period. Most, if not all, of the blame has to be given to Volpatti, who completely mishandled a pass from Glass, giving it away to O'Marra at the blueline, then failing to follow O'Marra to the net to prevent him from putting the puck in the open net. We're only a few games removed from Volpatti scoring his first NHL goal and the fourth line being praised for finally existing, but that is the kind of play that could see Volpatti on a plane to Manitoba.

• Cory Schneider only made 19 saves tonight, but made several tough stops off of odd-man rushes. It's dangerous to give a young, hungry team like the Oilers so many odd-man rushes. It's also dangerous to give slightly older, well-fed players like Ryan Whitney an odd-man rush: Schneider had less of a chance on his goal than Brian Herzlinger with Drew Barrymore.

• Manny Malhotra had his usual strong defensive game, going an astonishing 83% in the faceoff circle and logging almost 2 minutes of time on the penalty kill, but he also showed some offensive flourish, with 3 shots and an assist. His most impressive moment came towards the end of the second period, just before Tambellini scored, as he split the defense and forced Khabibulin to make a solid save. He just needs a browncoat, pistol, and a more accurate shot to upgrade from Alternate Captain Mal to Captain Mal.

• With an assist on Tambellini's goal, Kesler extended his point streak to 7 games. He has 11 points in that span. Only 17 more games and 35 more points to catch Crosby!

• That said, did Kesler forget how to turn right on the Tambellini goal? After cutting across the blue line to drop the puck, he does a full spin to get back into position for a return feed. A simple right turn would have sufficed. Does he think he's Derek Zoolander? Perhaps.

• Speaking of Kesler, both he and Henrik were terrible on faceoffs tonight at 33% and 32% respectively. Against a better team, that could have been disastrous. Meanwhile, Alexandre Bolduc was 100% on draws; too bad he only took 3 of them. Still, Ducer (pronounced "dük-er" and yes, that's apparently what his teammates call him) is a solid 55.9% for the season.

• Remember when it was safe to go to the outside on a Canucks defenseman? Remember that? It's no longer the case. I am happy about that.

• I'm often hard on Raffi Torres for his poor puck decisions and bizarre pass attempts, but his assist on Samuelsson's goal was pretty fantastic. Also pretty fantastic? Dr. Doom riding a unicorn. Missing from that replay is Keith Ballard's excellent work at gaining the blue line and going hard to the net. After getting the puck to the corner, he rotates back to the point, where Mikael Samuelsson was covering him. Samuelsson stealthily glides into the slot and no one thinks to pick him up because of the rotation between he and Ballard. Shorty even yells "There's Samuelsson!" as if he had no idea where he was either. He was probably hiding under an invisibility cloak.

• Speaking of Ballard, it's tempting to yet again question AV's decisions with time-on-ice as Ballard yet again played under 14 minutes. But when Edler, Ehrhoff, Hamhuis, and Bieksa are playing so well ahead of him and eating up big minutes...well, there's only so much time to go around. Bieksa-haters may want to argue that Ballard should get his minutes; this wasn't the game to make that argument.

• Bieksa's game-winning goal, seen above, comes unsurprisingly off some fantastic work below the goal-line by Henrik Sedin. Despite being "hauled down" by Taylor Hall, he manages to hook the puck behind the net to Alex Burrows from his back. Burrows smartly waits for Daniel to crash the net before feeding the puck to Bieksa at the point. Bieksa does not have the heavy shot of Edler or Ehrhoff, but he consistently gets his shots on net and manages to thread the needle through the haystack of bodies in front of Khabibulin. It's a perfect shot: about a foot and a half above the ice, just off the inside post.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Oilers, December 10, 2010

Canucks 2 - 1 Oilers

Let's talk about Daniel and Henrik Sedin, currently sitting 4th and 7th in the NHL with 36 and 35 points, respectively. Henrik has 4 more assists than any other player; Daniel is 5th in the league in goals. They've been among the top ten scoring leaders since the season began, but sometimes it's easy to forget how good the Sedins really are.

It's easy because the Sedins aren't always flashy. Sometimes they're merely opportunistic when we'd prefer they were creating their own opportunities. The Sedins are so good they can have forgettable games and still get two points apiece. But who wants that? It's a truism, but you want your best players to be your best players, and the Sedins are among the best in hockey. We don't want to see that reflected on the stat sheet; we want to see it on the ice.

Tonight the Sedins put in a dominant performance from puck drop to buzzer. It might have been their best game of the season. For once, they got two points when they probably should have had more. It was kinda nice. More please.

• We here at PITB often talk about what we call wizardous sedinerie, defined as an instance when the Sedins do something positively magical and make it look conspicuously easy, like perhaps they're secretly hockey man-witches. (Not to be confused with hockey man-sandwiches). We saw two instances of this last night. Both goals tonight were wizardous.

• Henrik Sedin is the only player for whom I get depressed when he scores. I don't ever want him to score. I want him to get 100 assists. I want him to have more helpers than a secret slave colony.

• It seemed like Alain Vigneault wasn't planning to play the Sedins much in this game. They had only 4 minutes of icetime in the first, and only 5 minutes in the second. But by the third, it was apparent that A) they were playing dominant hockey, and B) they were the best bet for a much-needed insurance goal. As a result, they played nine minutes in the third--just under half of the period. He rode the Sedins like they were Marty McFly's hoverboard.

• It probably wouldn't have been necessary, but tonight was a spotty night for Ryan Kesler, the next scoring option, whose Raymondlessness is allowing defenders to focus on shutting him down. For the second night in a row, the Canucks' leading shooter was held to only one shot. He made things harder on himself by winning only 4 of 13 faceoffs, spending the whole evening chasing the puck. He was good on the defensive end, though, with a game-high 5 hits and solid checking that directly contributed to the Oilers pathetic shot totals.

• Oh my, were they pathetic. The Canucks held the Oilers to a wimpy 11 shots in the game, including 1 shot in the third period. Unfortunately, the Oilers scored on that shot, spoiling Roberto Luongo's shutout bid. But 1-for-1 is a dangerous way to live. Revenge merely propagates more violence.

• Last night, Alain Vigneault tried Dan Hamhuis in Christian Ehrhoff's place on the top powerplay unit. It was a short-lived experiment. This morning, I suggested Keith Ballard, but it was Mikael Samuelsson manning the other point the first time an Oiler landed in the box. With this configuration in place, the Canucks' NHL-best powerplay went 0-for-7 against the Oilers' NHL-worst penalty kill. Even on a lengthy 5-on-3 for which that top unit stayed out nearly the entire time, they couldn't put the puck past Devan Dubynk. I'm not sure Samuelsson is the answer.

• While we're all thinking of him, Keith Ballard finally cracked 20 minutes of icetime. He played 20:29 this evening and finished a plus-1. He continues rush the puck out from behind his own net with confidence.

• On the Oilers' side, Ryan Whitney played a game-high 29:58. In that time, he had a game-high six giveaways. Granted, Whitney's minutes were inflated by Edmonton losing Jim Vandermeer to injury, but six giveaways? Those are spam filter numbers.

• Kevin Bieksa had 6 blocked shots tonight. In fact, the Canucks had an impressive 20 blocks in total. That's more blocks than my first Duplo set. Duplo is a sweet idea--it's Lego you can't choke on and die. Mind you, that takes away all the suspense.

• And lastly: Quietly, the Canucks have improved their road record to 7-5-2. It's a good road record. I mean, it's not Captain Falcon good, but it's still good.

Here are some additional thoughts after a much-needed sleep and a break from IWTGs (I wrote two yesterday):

• What was the referee's argument for Magnus Pajaarvi's penalty shot early in the game? Not since Gob Bluth have I seen such liberal use of breakaways. I think both teams would have preferred a simple penalty call. The Oilers could have used the momentum swing, and the Canucks know how Roberto Luongo does in shootouts.

• That said, Roberto Luongo has only ever let one past him in a penalty shot situation. What exactly is the difference between a penalty shot and a shootout attempt? Because he's great at one and terrible at the other. That's like a motivational speaker who struggles with oration.

• I mentioned this in the comments as well: I neglected to talk about the way the Canucks hitty defense manhandled the Oilers little skill forwards. Tonight was an expertly played road game by Vancouver, especially in the implementation of their physical game plan. Next time somebody asks you if the Canucks are tough enough, show 'em tape of this game.

• Taking a page from the Keith Ballard school of goaltender motivation, the Canucks kept springing surprise attacks on their own goaltender. Both Andrew Alberts and Kevin Bieksa nearly scored on their own net, which would have been unfortunate, save the fact they would have gotten a verse in the next Bloge Salming/Down Goes Brown hip hop team-up.
  

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Oilers, November 2, 2010

Canucks 4 - 3 Oilers

It may have gotten a bit tense there at the end, but a win's a win, right? Wrong. The Canucks made a crucial mistake that let the Oilers back in this one: they briefly held a two-goal lead.

Yes, the dreaded two-goal lead, a guaranteed death sentence for all who hold it. Originally, the Canucks had a three-goal lead, but then the Oilers scored. And then it was a two-goal lead. And then they were screwed.

In actuality, the Canucks have yet to show a killer instinct this season. This is a team that, last season, was money in the third. They held leads and they staged comebacks. This year, however, they've been losing leads and hosting comebacks. The Canucks dominated the first period, storming out of the gate with three goals, but then they quit applying pressure. Just like when administering First Aid, that's a pretty big no-no. And I'm not trying to say hockey players are like doctors; only Dan Ellis feels that way. I'm just saying you can't let up.

Anyway, in the long run, the Canucks came out the victors, thanks to the absurd video content we have provided above. That's above. Below, we watched this game, and our thoughts have been broken down into bulleted points. Read them. Read them aloud?

• Raffi Torres had the most absurd hat trick since Mason Raymond hoisted a puck over Miikka Kiprusoff from center ice. Let us review this trio of goals. First, Torres scores on a nutty dive and stab at the puck. It was the best headfirst dive since George Michael Bluth. Then, as part of the best double tip since Darth Maul's lightsaber, and finally, on some sort of weird curling play. The last time Khabibulin blew it that badly, it was a breathalyzer. Torres also had one wicked hit on Andrew Cogliano to seal the win. He was excellent tonight.

• Moment of horror: only Daniel Sedin has more Canuck goals than Raffi Torres.

• Skeeter believes Kevin Bieksa was the best defenseman on the ice for the Canucks tonight. Reluctantly, I agree with him. My urge is to disagree, however, simply on principle, so I'll disagree about something else instead. Skeeter, I don't like your hat. But seriously, Bieksa broke out of his funk (significantly less funky than my band, Cinnamon Toast Funk) with three assists in his 22 minutes of ice time. He played smart, he played physical, and he didn't make any of the massive mistakes that tend to make me, Harrison, furious. I'll admit that, if he played this way on a regular basis, I would like him a lot more. That is all I'll admit.

• Skeeter would like to add that a) he already likes Bieksa and b) his hat is heck of sweet.

• Alex Burrows returned to the lineup and made an immediate impression. His first period shifts, like the rest of the team's, were his best. He caused turnovers, generated scoring chances, wreaked havoc in front of the net, and fit right back in with the Sedins. This may seem obvious, but this is a good thing. Also good Things? Stan Lee's comic book character and John Carpenter's 1982 film.

• At the end of the first period, the Canucks were playing so well I wasn't sure who I was going to pick on. John Garrett seemed ripe. This replay is a slowed down version of a play you just saw. Thanks for the analysis, Garrett.

• It's been awhile since we saw Daniel and Henrik Sedin's trademark slap-pass actually work. Other teams have taken it up as a power play option, but these guys are the originals, and they showed it on this play. I don't think I've ever seen that slap-pass look that fluid. It was more fluid than classic Darkwing Duck nemesis The Liquidator. It was more fluid than Alex Mack.

• The Canucks were excellent in the faceoff circle, with everybody who took a draw registering above 50%. Kesler was the star, going 13-6. Take that, Manny Malhotra.

• I want to talk about the first goal against. I recognize the Oilers have a lot of small forwards, but I think Alberts took his size for granted a little. Rather than swing the puck around the boards, he puts his back to Andrew Cogliano and expects the little guy to bounce off. You forgot about velocity, Alberts. Any physics experts read PITB? Someone explain this to Alberts. Anyway, Mason Raymond peels off Cogliano, expecting Alberts to send it around, but instead, Alberts just stands there, staring blankly at the wall, recreating the ending of the Blair Witch Project.

• Roberto Luongo was good tonight, but people are going to point to the second goal when claiming that he wasn't. Yes, he lost the puck in the crease, but one of Ballard or Rome needs to tie up Ryan Jones's stick. Instead, they whacked fruitlessly at the puck. Yes, fruitlessly. They were yielding less fruit than that fig tree Jesus cursed. We all remember that Bible story, right?

• Cogliano also creates the third goal when he beats Alex Edler inside. Alex, I said to be noticeable, but not bad. On this goal, you were bad. You can't give up the center of the ice like that.

• And finally, a word about my wife, who spent the whole game claiming Canuck players looked like celebrities they do not look like. Peter Schaefer was compared to Eddie Cibrian. Tanner Glass got Gerard Butler. Andrew Alberts got Ben Affleck, and this may be the only one where she's got a point. Little does she know I made this comment way back in April. That's right, I beat my wife. Nope, that came out wrong.