The Dreaded Two-Goal Lead: Rick Rypien Has a Beard Now

"I've never been more excited about hockey, now that I have this beard."

Canucks news comes fast and furious, and sometimes we find ourselves playing catchup. Thankfully, the Dreaded Two Goal Lead--often called "the worst lead in hockey"--is super easy to come back from. Everybody knows it's a guaranteed death sentence for those that hold it. Well, much like an ice hockey team coming from two goals down, PITB will now effortlessly catch up.

• Rick Rypien Returns From Personal Leave of Absence With a Beard

Rick Rypien has resurfaced after a lengthy leave of absence, and he appears to have received some counseling from Conan O'Brien. How else to explain his wicked new beard? If there's one lesson that Conan's taught us, it's that the best way to return is with a big patch of scruff. Last Tuesday, Rypien spoke to the media for the first time in months, saying he's "never been more excited about hockey." The Canucks announced that Ryp has joined the Moose on a conditioning assignment and may be granted special permission, under the circumstances, to stay in the AHL longer than the usual two weeks. Unless he really impresses, expect him to remain in Winnipeg for the rest of the season. For fans outside of Manitoba, you can probably follow Rypien's every shift at hockeyfights.com.

• Daniel Sedin Finally Gets an Acknowledgement His Brother Doesn't, Still Manages to Come in Second
  

Wherein the universe continues its conspiracy to make Daniel Sedin the evil twin. After surging to the top of the NHL scoring race with 3 goals and 5 assists in the past week to put him at 89 points on the season (six clear of his brother, with whom he has a longstanding blood feud), Daniel Sedin was named NHL.com's second star of the week. Poor Daniel can't get a clean win. They may as well have dumped a bucket of chicken blood on his head. Expect either an Art Ross or a fullscale psychic meltdown for Daniel by the season's end.

• Tanner Glass Has a Secret Injury

Tanner Glass sat out the Calgary game with a mysterious injury, and will miss tonight's as well. Apparently, he's been playing through this injury for awhile. Is it a wrist injury? My handshake is pretty strong. Likely not, but we've got no choice but to speculate, especially after all the Canucks recently entered a Glass cone of silence. (Note: this is a metaphorical cone of silence regarding Glass, not a literal cone made of Glass.) Jason Botchford reported that, when asked about it, Jeff Tambellini pointed to his lower abdomen. What the crap? There may be a conspiracy of vagueness in the locker room, but don't just blame the players; the media is an accomplice here. Seriously, Botch, where on his lower abdomen did Tamby point? Does that qualify as an obscene gesture?

• Kevin Bieksa is On the Mend
  

Dan Murphy recently tweeted that Kevin Bieksa, out for three weeks with a broken foot, skated with the team today and could play as early as Wednesday. Then the real controversy will start. Who comes out? Rome or Tanev? Ha ha, just kidding, it'll be Keith Ballard.

• Keith Ballard Pranks His Pants By Neglecting to Hem Them

Poor Keith Ballard is having a rough season. He can't even dress himself properly. According to Christine, who runs the blog Play Me That Ballard, the Canucks' resident prankster has apparently been pranking his wardrobe all season long. Christine recently noticed that Hips has a tendency to disregard legs, rolling up his pantlegs like a nine-year-old. Considering that Ballard's sizable contract has been a topic du jour all season, you'd think he'd have the pocket change to pay a tailor. But maybe he can't reach his pockets because of how poorly tailored his pants are to begin with? Or maybe he's just bad at dressing himself. The Canucks had meal plans made up for Kyle Wellwood, so I'm sure they can find someone to lay out Ballard's clothes for the next day.

• Chris Higgins Was On After Hours

And, in case you missed it, here's Chris Higgins on After Hours, featuring a gratuitous closeup of his mangled thumb, if you're into that sort of thing. I'll bet the Canucks are. After the Canucks started the season with a fourth-liner guy that treated his thumb with callous disregard, Chris Higgins healthy respect for a healthy thumb is likely a welcome change. Here's the whole video:

Rick Rypien Granted Leave of Absence For Personal Reasons

The Canucks announced today that they granted Rick Rypien an indefinite leave of absence for personal matters. This is the second time in three years that Rypien's been granted a leave for personal reasons. It could be a completely separate issue; it likely isn't.

People are wondering what it is, and I hope it stays a secret. If it's substance abuse (as rumoured last time, and only rumoured), it's nobody business but his own. Most of us have a family member or friend that's struggled with substance abuse and it's Hell; there's no need to add a public element to it. And if it's something else, it's still nobody's business but his own.

PITB's prayers go out to Rick Rypien during what must be a very difficult time. Get what you need, Ryp.

Rypien Story Goes From Ridiculous to Ridiculously Ridiculous

Not since Abe Lincoln has someone been vilified so quickly.

The media buffet on this Rick Rypien incident only opened last night, but I'm already full. It's been wall to wall Rypper today, as everyone wants to weigh in on the abomination he committed last night. The good news is that the incident has overshadowed the abomination the Canucks committed last night. The bad news? Rick Rypien just passed Killer Moth on the list of the worst villains ever, and he's closing in on Calendar Man. Rick Rypien would like you to believe he's not a baby eater. But he's never gone on record saying he isn't. Maybe it's because he's too busy eating babies. Yes, his public crucifixion is getting a little ridiculous, especially when you consider that he merely grabbed the fan. He didn't hit him; he didn't bite him; he didn't poke him in the eye.

He just grabbed him. For about three seconds. And yet the fan is threatening to sue.

Rypien deserves to be suspended. You can't do what he did--it was stupid, and he deserves to sit out a few games. But when he touched that fan (James Engquist), it was dumb on dumb. This fan is a stupid guy.

I didn't want to weigh in on this. I feel like we covered all there is to this last night in the IWTG. But, like Rypien, I've been provoked by James Engquist who, in his interview with Michael Russo (quoted below) gave himself away as a certified gomer. Here is James describing what instigated the incident:

"I was just standing straight up applauding as he was getting kicked out. He was out of control. And then I said, 'Way to be professional,' and he obviously didn’t care for that comment [...]

Few would care for that comment, you pinhead. James. Rypien is a man who makes a living punching people in the face. He was, in your own words "out of control" with anger, and you decided to stand up, applaud, and make a snide comment? A comment about professionalism to an enraged fighter. Sounds to me like you deserved to see his profession first-hand. A better option would have been to not infuriate an already irate pugilist. The first guy I punch when I'm being kicked out of somewhere is the guy who makes a snide comment once I'm no longer restrained. Here is James describing the fear he felt:

[He] decided to grab me and almost dragged me over the rail. If my brother wasn’t grabbing me and the other player wasn't grabbing him, he probably would have dragged me over the edge."

Man, that is a whole lot of grabbing going on in this story. That must have been terrifying for you, James. Had he succeeded in dragging you over the edge, as you claim (despite the video showing you were never even close) you would have been dragged over the edge. I don't know what happens next, but I'll bet it involves you being briefly on the other side of the edge.

"This is a crazy incident. I’ve seen a lot of hockey in my day, and I’ve never seen someone actually come into the stands and assault a fan," said Engquist.

Really? You've seen a lot of hockey and you've never seen this? Because that's what you're describing, and it's not what happened to you. Rypien didn't come into the stands and he didn't assault you. He grabbed you. Apart from increasing the value of your hockey jersey in online auctions, he accomplished very little when he touched you for three seconds.

Engquist said he is "definitely seeking legal representation. ... I was assaulted, that's just the bottom line."

No you weren't. You were touched. I've seen children grab the hem of their mother's housedress harder. Sadly, I'm sure there's a waaahmbulance-chaser out there, willing to slap a neck brace on you and claim Rypien dislocated your spine, but you should know that you just went from folk hero to total loser in one sentence.

Assault? Please. You were hit harder by the fans you high-fived on your way to better seats. You're fine, James. Let it go, like Rypien did, three seconds after he grabbed you.

And if this does go to court, let the record show that you lied about having seen a lot of hockey, since you've never seen the Milbury/O'Reilly incident. What else are you lying about, James? Better keep your stories straight....