Vancouver vs. Chicago, Playoff Fan Art! Volume 1

My oh my, have we had a lot of fun with photoshop today. Can you tell it's the day before a big game? It's only been about four hours since I launched PiTB's first ever photoshop contest, but I'm going to be honest with myself: it's not going to happen. PiTB is no Puck Daddy, and the best photoshoppers/hockey fans don't have us on their blogroll. Yet. Our time will come.

In the meantime, however, I've stumbled across something almost as good: playoff fan art from Canucks.com. You see, there is a second battle on the horizon, and it's between Vancouver's fans and Chicago's fans. With a year of context and hatred under our hats, the fan art is out in full force. Let me show you what I mean. Click on all images for larger sizes.

First, there's the photo above. It's just a normal photo, but it was introduced to us by forum member BeExcited, hoping somebody could use it for some excellent photoshopping.


So far, I've seen one entry and it's this one. It turns out Canucks.com is not the place for intense and competitive photoshop contests. Anyhow, BeExcited's photoshop contest conflated with my photoshop contest, and neither really went in any new directions.


It really only led to this. And, as much as I'm happy to see people disseminating my art, I'm not sure this is an improvement. Oh well, I guess it's a little more topical (not the most topical, but definitely moreso). That said, somebody needs to tell this photoshopper about color balance. He could have matched the green in Blanka's skin to Byfuglien's head quite easily. But who has the time for that? Speaking of time...


The best photoshop utilized neither HenKik(TM) nor SpearBuff. But it did inspire the joint effort above, from Pinkyandthebrain and Egatti. See, because the Blackhawks are gay, or something? I think only a few of them were gay, but I get what was intended. Originally, only Patrick Kane was photoshopped in here, but eventually, at the behest of the rest of the forum, a place was found for everybody. From left to right: Hossa, Kane, Dustin "Feather-Ryfuglien" Byfuglien" (no?), Jonathan Toews, Patrick Sharp, Andrew Ladd. All present and accounted for. Remarkably, the guy Andrew Ladd replaced used to be black. That is seamless.


This one makes me uncomfortable because, um, well, they still look good to me... maybe? No, wait, no, I didn't say that. I see what patsajac is going for, but, well, the less said about this one the better.


And then there's this, by Trevor19Naslund This looks hand-drawn to me and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm going to assume that the irony of an orca shooting an aboriginal person in the face is lost on the artist. Note, as well, the misuse of the blowhole: see, it's how they breathe, not a valve that releases when they're aroused by murder. It's a killer whale, not a serial killer whale.

This completes the first of what I hope to be many rounds of Vancouver vs. Chicago fan art. Oh, uh, wait, there's also this one, but click at your peril. And, if you think it's maybe a bit optimistic, redstar504 changed it to this, which is just as perilous. *sigh* You should probably just click them.

Anyhow. If you have any more to add, please, drop me a line at passittobulis@gmail.com.

Henrik Sedin "Flying Jump Kick" Photoshop Contest?

That picture of Andrew Alberts and Henrik Sedin is hilarious. The size difference! The fact that Sedin looks like a sprite from Street Fighter IV. As soon as I saw it, I wondered why I'd never seen it before, and knew I had to photoshop it right away. So I did. That is all.

You are invited to do the same. I don't know if our readership is quite ripe enough for a Photoshop contest, but frankly, I don't care, sir. I'll take this to canucks.com if I have to. It must be done. The original pic is linked above. Photoshop your hearts out. What else can Henrik kick?

E-mail your doctored pics to passittobulis@gmail.com.

Can Henrik Sedin Actually Win the Hart?

So the nominees are in, and your three finalists for the Hart trophy are: Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, and Henrik Sedin. I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Whaaaaaaaaaa? What about that East Coast bias?"

Well, as much as I think it's partially a myth--it's no more a bias than the fact that you've never seen a Florida Panthers game--the bias probably wouldn't have factored in much to the naming of the finalists. Let's not pretend that winning the Art Ross doesn't make you an automatic lock for a Hart nomination. I don't feel like pulling up the stats to prove it (I'm a blogger, not a journalist), but I'd be willing to wager that every Art Ross winner in the last decade was also nominated for the Hart. I wouldn't wager a ton, mind you--I'm a coward. Heck, like Andrew Ladd, I laugh at being called a coward. Some people don't mind. I don't. Bender doesn't.

Henrik Sedin is no coward. He was a warrior all season, and he deserves to be the first Canuck in NHL history to take home this prestigious award.

But can Sedin actually win? Yes, he totally can. Ovechkin and Crosby are going to win Harts by the bucketload. This might be the only season this decade where one of them doesn't win the Art Ross. Plus, awards ceremonies always give trophies to one-year wonders and snub legends. Here's some proof. And I'm not saying Henrik's a one-year wonder, but, come on, he very well could be. I personally think he'll win, even though I also personally think Crosby dragged a mediocre team into the playoffs for the third year in a row and deserves it more this year.

One thing I am certain of: Alex Ovechkin won't win it. I know his playoff and Olympic failures shouldn't be counted into his NHL regular-season value, but they will be, because the media are not smart. Frankly, it's a two-horse race between Sedin and Crosby, and its a death race.

Give Us Barabbas! Why Andrew Alberts is the Key

If Alberts can't get it done, Sedin should give him the Tekken 6 flying jump kick, just as this picture depicts.

Brace yourselves, Vancouver: Andrew Alberts is the key to this series.

Don't panic. He can do it. I know that this is the guy that we have ruefully called A Minor for his 23 penalty minutes in the first two games of the LA series. I recognize that this is the guy who was undressed by Jason Spezza in one of the highlights of the year. I am aware that the fans want the unspectacular Aaron Rome, or the equally unspectacular Nolan Baumgartner instead of him. But I stand by my thesis. Andrew Alberts is the key to this series.

Let's get a couple of things straight. First, Alberts is not all bad. He's not even close to as bad as you think he is. In fact, the Canucks are 9-1 when his plus-minus is even or better. If he can limit mistakes, the Canucks tend to win. The guy has a natural size advantage over anybody else on the ice at 6'5", 218. Dustin "Feather-Rufflin'" Byfuglien (it really doesn't work, Skeeter, but I'll keep at it for you) may outweight him by thirty pounds, but considering a good chunk of that is fat, let's call it even. Much bigger than previous and current crease-clearers such as Mitchell, Ohlund, and O'Brien, Alberts has the potential to muscle people out of the crease no Canuck has had since Bryan Allen, maybe. And it'll be expected of him on the penalty kill.

Yes, Andrew Alberts is the key to the penalty kill. Notice that, in the LA series, it improved drastically in games where he wasn't the one in the box. The Kings got one power-play goal in the last two games, and Alberts didn't take a penalty in either one. Towards the end of the series, Alberts did a good job of keeping all-star crease presences like Ryan Smyth at bay without taking a penalty. Since Chicago has about twenty-seven guys who can stand in front of the net, Alberts is more vital than necessary. And consider this: his limitations in the mobility department are effectively nullified on the penalty kill, when he won't be asked to go anywhere at all. Stay by the net, and cross-check Dustin Byfuglien for two minutes. That's all we ask.

If Alberts can do this, his acquisition is a complete win for Mike Gillis. As a sixth defenseman, he likely won't get a ton of minutes 5-on-5. And that's good; Patrick Kane might literally skate between his legs. Let's stop and imagine Hughson calling the play:

Hughson: Kane dangles between Alberts' legs!
Simpson: *snicker*

Hmm. It sounds horrible, any way you think about it. And let's be honest. This entire post was an excuse to make that joke.

Now, even I'd prefer if Kane and Alberts never met but on the PK, like an arranged marriage. While not being nearly as slow as most think he is (Canucks fans think speed is inversely proportional to size), Alberts will still likely get undressed by the much more fleet-of-foot Kane . But, if every time the Canucks take a penalty, AV can throw out a well-rested wrecking ball, and Alberts can do this one job with some success (clear the frakkin' crease), then our chances to win the series improve drastically.

Round Two 2: Round Harder

Jonathan Toews looking a lot like his infamous mural

For the second consecutive year, the Vancouver Canucks are playing the Chicago Blackhawks in Round Two of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. It's time for a sequel!

The typical sequel ramps up everything that was successful in the first movie: bigger action, bigger villains, bigger explosions, and bigger box office returns. How does the second-round sequel of Canucks vs. Blackhawks stack up?

Bigger action?

The Canucks enter the series with the highest goals per game of the playoffs and boast the Art Ross trophy winner (and Hart nominee) in Henrik Sedin and the playoff's leading goalscorer in Mikael Samuelsson. With the ability to score throughout their top three lines highlighted by Steve Bernier's 4 first-round goals, the Canucks have one of the most potent offences in the NHL.

The Blackhawks feature the high-flying Patrick Kane, hard-working Jonathan Toews, and the no-Stanley-Cup-winning Marian Hossa. Top that off with a mobile defense corps and free-wheeling style and there will certainly be plenty of action from Chicago.

The Canucks will look to protect their home turf better than Wolverine did in X-Men 2 and hopefully steal a couple games in Chicago, if only to avoid having to hear "Chelsea Dagger" too often.

Bigger villains?

Dustin "Feather-Rufflin'" Byfuglien (I don't expect that nickname to stick) is the main villain in the minds of Canucks fans and possibly in the mind of Roberto Luongo. With the announcement that Byfuglien will be moving back up to forward for the Hawks-Nucks series, the media is already abuzz with Byfuglien vs. Luongo talk.

From the Chicago side, there is no bigger villain than Alex "André" Burrows (yet another nickname that won't stick). Rest assured, they still haven't forgotten the infamous hair-pulling incident.

On the plus-side, it is extremely unlikely that any familial revelations will come out from either of these villains. And cries of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" will be kept to a minimum unless Stephane Auger is called upon to ref.

Bigger explosions?

How about the bad blood brewing between Andrew Ladd and Ryan Kesler?It's bound to explode at some point in this series and the potential for a brouhaha is high. If any game in this series turns into a blowout, look out.

Look lots more of these throughout the series, though hopefully without the Luongo face-punching, fish-hooking, and hair-pulling. And, hopefully, no nuclear explosions akin to Terminator 2.

Bigger box-office returns?

There's a reason this series is starting on a Saturday: the CBC knows that this series will be their moneymaker, as the Canucks are one of two Canadian teams left in the playoffs, so they threw their weight around to get a Saturday night game for HNIC.

Combine that with the marketing potential of 5 Olympic medal winners, the storylines mentioned above, and the star status of players like the Sedins, Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, and Roberto Luongo, and you have a (near) Summer Blockbuster.

Will it make over 1 billion dollars like Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest?

No.