PITB Sells Out

In case you missed it, Pass it to Bulis has joined the Vancouver Sun just in time for the playoffs. For those who think we're selling out, understand that selling out requires the promise of far more money than we're forecasted to receive.

Make sure you update your bookmarks to passittobulis.com (or vancouversun.com/passittobulis) rather than http://passittobulis.blogspot.com.

Updates will no longer be posted to Blogspot. Wish us luck adapting to a finicky new Wordpress engine.

Rest assured, we will continue to provide the same quality of commentary on the Canucks that you have come to know and love, and that we do not intend to become [bigger] jerks. The only reason this was at all possible is because we have the greatest readers in Internet history and we don't intend to lose sight of that.

Now go here, because that's where we are now.

The Best of the Sedins, 2010-11 (10-6)

PITB's first post ever was a top 5 countdown of the best Sedin goals of last season, posted exactly a year ago today. We thought, in honour of our first birthday, and the fact that the Sedins are totally balls, it was time to return to our roots. What are blogs for if not for lists?

Unlike last year, there is no de facto number one, but there are about fifteen plays worthy of a spot in the top five. As a result, we've doubled the list, and will now be counting down the top ten Sedin plays of 2010-11. Be warned: this list is highly subjective. Last week's post, in which we shared 12 wizardous candidates, proved consensus on this issue to be impossible. As a result, we just decided to go with our gut, and I can safely say that my gut's never steered me wrong (apart from the time it asked for a bacon sundae).

Anyway. Here are plays 10 - 6. Check back here at 4pm sharp for the final five.

-----------------------------

10 December 23, vs the Columbus Blue Jackets
A lot of people fail to realize that Daniel Sedin is a power forward who loves to comes out from behind with a guy draped all over him. Here, we see him actually draw the defender, wait for contact, then make an incredible back pass right into the slot for Henrik. Commentator John Garrett simply exhales. I imagine his sentiments are echoed by most of Ohio.

9 December 28, vs the Philadelphia Flyers
This is actually a give-and-go between Alex Burrows and Daniel Sedin, but it still counts as Sedinery. Burr gets a pass because he spends a lot of time under Sedin tutelage. His patience is impressive here, as is Kimmo Timonen's draw to the button.

8 January 07, vs the Edmonton Oilers
This ludicrous lob play was utilized the Sedins to start a number of breakouts, but this is the prettiest finish. After Burrows lofts it over two zones, the twins go in two-on-one. Theo Peckham's job, in this situation, is to take away the pass, but the Sedins still manage to make two. Henrik's saucer pass is absolutely perfect, as is Daniel's backhand deke for the goal.

7 April 09, vs the Calgary Flames
The most recent goal on our list comes on a partial breakaway. Think about that when you watch it happen. Rather than streak to the net, Daniel curls away, then makes a ridiculous backpass to Henrik that splits three Calgary defenders. Henrik then makes a beautiful one-touch pass to Ryan Kesler, who finishes the play by one-timing the puck.

6 December 31, vs the Dallas Stars
This is one of the finest executed powerplays you'll ever see. Daniel and Henrik break down the Stars' box like it's the day after Christmas, first with an obscenely high tape-to-tape saucer pass, then a back pass to Alex Edler. Before the Stars realize they've shifted about a foot from the center of the ice, Edler finds Henrik, who pots a one-timer from a difficult angle. it's so fluid it's ridiculous.

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10 - 6
5 - 1

The Chicago Blackhawks Are Bad

After two consecutive playoff oustings, you'd think it would be difficult to find a Vancouver Canucks fan who has anything but ill will for the Chicago Blackhawks. Unfortunately, this isn't the case, as some people think the Blackhawks are all right. Yes, some people have a hard time hating a team with plenty of ties to the West Coast. Some people watched Jonathan Toews lead Canada to an Olympic gold medal, and they think he's A-okay. And some people simply have the Blackhawks confused with other things. Good things. Things for which they feel fondness.

It's time to clear this up once and for all. People, hear me: the Chicago Blackhawks are bad. BAD. If you think they are good, you obviously have them confused with something else. That thing cannot possibly be the Blackhawks, because the Blackhawks are bad.

You may be thinking of Black Hawk, the Lakota artist whose 76 colour drawings are a part of Native American ledger art history. Black Hawk is admirable and sympathetic, especially since he was killed in the Wounded Knee Massacre of 1890. If you feel admiration and sympathy, you're likely thinking of Black Hawk. You couldn't possibly be thinking of the Chicago Blackhawks, who are neither admirable nor sympathetic. They are the worst kind of bad. They're named after atrocities.

Consider the Black Hawk Purchase, a land acquisition made in what is now Iowa. This purchase came on the heels of the Black Hawk War, during which Sauk chief Black Hawk was taken prisoner. It was during Black Hawk's captivity that the land was sold, so one would assume he had little bargaining power. He also didn't get a fair shake from historians, who tell us that his motives for waging this dispute were "ambiguous," although there's hardly much ambiguity about defending one's property.

Leave it to the white man to extort land and distort history, right? Well, you know who has a lot of white men? The Chicago Blackhawks, who have compounded Black Hawk's humiliation by stealing his name. You know what's not ambiguous? The badness of the Chicago Blackhawks.

Still think the Blackhawks are good? You must be confused. Maybe you're thinking of Black Hawk Down, the Ridley Scott film about a fallen Black Hawk helicopter. Rotten Tomatoes tells us that 77% of critics felt this film was "fresh". However, this film was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and stars Josh Hartnett. Here's another film on which they collaborated: Pearl Harbour. That film was historically bad. Also bad? The Chicago Blackhawks, who, sources say, knew about the plan to bomb Pearl Harbour and didn't tell anybody.

Okay, that's not true. But that doesn't make them any less bad. They're quite bad.

If you think the Blackhawks are good, you're probably thinking of the Atlanta Blackhawks, the San Francisco Bay Blackhawks, the Waterloo Blackhawks, the Iowa Blackhawks or the Plattling Black Hawks. What do all these teams have in common? If you think it's their nickname, you're wrong. It's the fact that they are all less bad than the Chicago Blackhawks.

You may be thinking of Nighthawks, the classic Edward Hopper painting. Makes sense. It's located at the Art Institute of Chicago, which, like the Blackhawks, is in Chicago, but, unlike the Blackhawks, is good. The Blackhawks are bad, like the Great Chicago Fire, which destroyed the Art Institute's original building in 1871. Were the Chicago Blackhawks involved? Perhaps; they're bad. Are they arsonists? They've never gone record saying they're not.

If you still think the Blackhawks are good, it's possible you're confusing them with some other kind of hawk. Kitty Hawk, perhaps? That North Carolina city is near where the Wright brothers first flew airplanes. That was good, but do you know who later flew airplanes? Terrorists, who are bad. And don't think I'm actively trying to get you to associate the Chicago Blackhawks with terrorism, but they did hold a public demonstration of some sort in the streets of Chicago last July. Was it a terrorist rally? We simply don't know.

You may also be thinking of Nighthawks at the Diner, the classic Tom Waits album based on Edward Hopper's painting. Tom Waits is good. Unfortunately, whenever you think of early period Tom Waits, you run the risk of thinking about Billy Joel, to whom Waits was compared in the late seventies. Billy Joel is bad. What do Billy Joel and the Chicago Blackhawks have in common? No redeeming qualities.

I could go on. It's also possible you're thinking of blackjack, Jack Black, backhoes, backlogs, backrubs, black hats, black cats, back catalogs, black ops, black cod, black hogs, hockey, Hawkeye, bedrock, Beck, or Black Bond Books. Frankly, you sound confused, so here's a simple maxim to get you through: whatever you're thinking of, it's better than the Chicago Blackhawks.

In closing, the Chicago Blackhawks are bad.

2011 Round One Preview: Chicago Blackhawks

Let's make sure, whatever we do, this never happens again.

For the third year in a row, the Vancouver Canucks will be facing the Chicago Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup playoffs. After two ignominious defeats in the second round, this year the Canucks will get the chance to exorcise their playoff demons in round one. The match-up is one the media, fans, and players have been eagerly anticipating, but it's not exactly a pure re-match.

The Blackhawks of 2010-11 are not the Blackhawks of 2009-10. Last season, the Blackhawks were just plain better than the Canucks. In the off-season, however, due to some mismanagement of the cap by Dale Tallon, the Hawks said farewell to much of their vaunted depth. Gone are Ben Eager, Andrew Ladd, Kris Versteeg, Brent Sopel, Colin Fraser, Adam Burish, John Madden and Canuck nemesis Dustin Byfuglien. Gone, too, are both goaltenders from last season. Playoff hero Antti Niemi signed with the San Jose Sharks while Cristobal Huet was sent to Switzerland to eat chocolate, wear pocket watches, and design knives.

There are a lot of new faces on the Blackhawks this season, including long-time rival Marty Turco, who is a shell of his former self. Goaltending duties will instead be handled by rookie Corey Crawford, who has performed admirably, posting a .918 SV% and a 2.27 GAA. Turco, on the other hand, has had a terrible year, posting career lows in save percentage and goals against average. Other new faces include Viktor Stalberg, acquired in the Versteeg trade with the Leafs, Michael Frolik, acquired from the Florida Panthers, and Ryan Johnson. Yes, that Ryan Johnson. Mr. Purple Shins is now sporting a Blackhawks jersey.

Still, the core of the team has remained intact despite the multitude of moves made around them. Toews, Kane, Sharp, and Hossa anchor a potent offence that finished 4th in the league in goals-for, just 4 goals behind the Canucks. They also boast the leading minute-muncher in the NHL in Duncan Keith, who averages almost 27 minutes per game. While he took a step back from last year's Norris-winning season, particularly defensively, he still put up 45 points. Meanwhile, his partner on defense, Brent Seabrook, surpassed him with a career high 48 points.

Honestly, I am shocked that the Blackhawks fell to 8th: I predicted they wouldn't and anticipated a potential second-round match-up against the Stanley Cup Champions, just for its poetic nature. The Blackhawks are too good a team to be the 8th seed. Their +33 goal differential is good for 7th in the NHL, 3rd in the Western Conference. Their first line is stupendous, their second line is dangerous, and their powerplay is potent. So what are they doing in 8th?

The issue, of course, is lack of depth. Their defense behind Keith, Seabrook, and Campbell is suspect. Their bottom-six is sketchy and often unreliable. These two issues combined explain their terrible penalty killing, which is 25th in the league.

As Harrison pointed out earlier this season, the depth players for the Blackhawks last season are making big contributions to their respective teams this season. Andrew Ladd was named captain in Atlanta and led the Thrashers in scoring. Second in team scoring was Dustin Byfuglien, who thrived on the opportunity to play defense again, finishing 4th in the NHL in points amongst defensemen. Kris Versteeg scored 46 points between the Leafs and the Flyers, Brent Sopel blocked 152 shots and led the Thrashers in shorthanded time-on-ice before being traded to the Canadiens, and John Madden led the Minnesota Wild in shorthanded time-on-ice amongst forwards. When you take away these quality players from the Blackhawks, they become a lesser team.

That's not to say that the Blackhawks will be easy to beat in round one of the playoffs; they are still a dangerous team, particularly on the powerplay. But the Canucks have been a dominant team all season, winning the President's Trophy while finishing first in both goals-for and goals-against. Which reminds me: there's one other big difference between last season's Blackhawks and this season's.

This year, the Blackhawks are the underdogs.

Top 5 Canuck Hipchecks of 2010-11

Some say the hipcheck is a lost art in the NHL, but you'd be hard pressed to find a Vancouver fan that feels this way. The offseason additions of Keith Ballard and Dan Hamhuis, two defenders that love to hip check, made going wide versus the Canucks a downright dicey proposition. Eventually, even Aaron Rome fell in love with the hit, giving the Canucks three guys who could surprise with a hipcheck at seemingly any moment. The result: perhaps the only team in the NHL for whom the hipcheck was common.

I'm not sure Canucks fans realized how spoiled they were this season. With that in mind, PITB has compiled a countdown of the five finest hipchecks thrown by the boys in blue and green in the 2010-11:

5 Keith Ballard on Viktor Stalberg

This is a perfectly timed hit, as Ballard comes across the defensive zone to meet Stalberg at the exact moment he reaches the puck. Stalberg is likely expecting a simply bodycheck, but Ballard turns and throws the hip into him instead, absolutely stapling him to the boards.

4 Aaron Rome on Ladislav Smid

Rome didn't hipcheck much last season, but Hamhuis and Ballard have clearly inspired him. This is his best of many thrown hips, as he steps into Smid and earns extra points on the follow through.

3 Keith Ballard on Evgeni Malkin

This is a monster hip check on a monster guy. It's also a beautiful defensive play. Malkin's beaten a lot of d-men one on one with his size and speed, but Ballard recovers quickly to take away his lane, then takes the big Penguins center to the corner with a completely unexpected hit.

2 Dan Hamhuis on Douglas Murray

My goodness, this is a beautiful hit. Hamhuis times this perfectly, leading Murray to the boards with his body position, and then sending him ass over teakettle the moment he reaches the glass.

1 Keith Ballard on Drew Miller

The finest hipcheck of the year comes when Keith Ballard steps into Drew Miller. It's similar to the one Ballard put on Malkin, but this one is downright obscene. Miller goes flying, and the look on his face when he gets up is priceless. He has no idea what just happened.

- - - - - - - - - - Bonus Hipchecks! - - - - - - - - - -

If those five stellar hipchecks aren't enough for you, or if maybe you thought I was kidding when I said the hit was common in Vancouver, here are ten more.

• Keith Ballard on Niclas Wallin
• Keith Ballard on Carlo Colaiacovo
• Keith Ballard on Ales Hemsky
• Keith Ballard on Tomas Kopecky
• Keith Ballard on David Krejci
• Dan Hamhuis on Jakub Voracek
• Dan Hamhuis on Tom Gilbert
• Aaron Rome on Sean Avery
• Aaron Rome on Antoine Vermette
• Aaron Rome on JF Jacques

Was This Goal a Set Play?

Here's a basic principle for watching the Sedins: they never do anything by accident. Often times, the twins will pull off something so unthinkable that you'd be forgiven for deeming it a fluke. It never is. Rather, it's a set play from two eternal optimists--guys convinced everything they try will work. Usually it does.

With that in mind, take a look at Alex Burrows's goal from last night's season-ending matchup with the Calgary Flames. At first glance, it looks like an accident: Daniel Sedin comes out from behind the net and tries to go top corner with a shot. Instead, he misses wide and hits Alex Burrows in the gut. The puck falls in front of Burr and he taps it in. But that's not actually what you see. This was a set play, executed to perfection. Here are three items of argumentative proof:

1. Daniel Sedin's shot isn't that poor. Daniel proved at this year's All-Star Skills competition that he's one of the league's most accurate shooters. Furthermore, when he comes out from behind the net, he tends to put the puck exactly where he wants to.

Now, you'd be forgiven for assuming this is a shot, especially since it's four feet in the air, but watch the overhead angle at 0:37 of the clip: the puck goes straight across the crease. Either this is the worst miss of Daniel's career, or the puck goes where he wanted it to. On second glance, it looks like Daniel Sedin meant to put it exactly where it went--into Alex Burrows's glove.

2. The Sedins love that high pass. Each year, the twins return from the offseason with a new series of plays, and it appears they spent last summer focusing on how best to utilize all that undefended space above the ice. All season long, we've seen obscenely high saucer passes, such as on this powerplay goal versus the Stars.

We've also seen a new arsenal of full-blown football-style lob passes. This year, a common occurrence during Sedin shifts has been a high pass across one or more zones meant to be caught and dropped onto the stick of the receiver. We saw it in this goal versus the Oilers, where Alex Burrows shows he's a good student, lobbing a backhand pass over the defensive and neutral zones to spring Daniel and Henrik for a two-on-one at the offensive blue line.

We see another use of the high pass in the clip above, when Daniel gets the puck past two Calgary defenders by putting it four feet in the air.

3. There's a precedent for this play. This goal bears something of a resemblance to Marian Hossa's goal from last season, where he snags the puck out of mid-air then drops it and slaps it in, all in one fell swoop. Burrows does the same thing in this clip after Daniel's pass goes right into his glove.

Granted, Burr doesn't convert it with Hossa's fluidity, but what he lacks in grace, he makes up for in intention. Where Hossa is improvising, Burrows and Daniel are executing a planned play.

That's sort of impressive, no? Many people are talking about the Sedins' other goal on the night: a setup for Ryan Kesler that tied the game at two. That, too, was a beautiful passing play, but while you're marvelling over that one, be sure to give this one another look. It might have been prettier.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Flames, April 10, 2011

Canucks 3 - 2 Flames (OT)

For the third time in the last four years, the Canucks and Flames found themselves paired up for game 82 with little on the line. Considering the lopsided outcome of the previous two season-enders, with the Flames walloping the Canucks 7-1 in 2008 and the Canucks matching that goal total in a 7-3 rout last year, one might have assumed that this contest wouldn't be lively or close. But it was. Like extramarital sex with a ghost, this one was a spirited affair. After falling behind by two, Vancouver needed a third-period comeback and an overtime marker from Christian Ehrhoff to head into the postseason on a winning note. I watched this game:

• Also a winning note: C.

• Just like last year, Daniel and Henrik combined for an absolute beauty in the final game of the season, setting up Ryan Kesler for the game-tying goal (above). This one adhered to the Third Law of Sedinery, which says that the Sedins will always make one more pass than is necessary. Consider: Daniel is in behind the defense. Most other players cut to the net in this instance for what is routinely called a breakaway. Instead, Daniel goes wide, drawing both defenders to him, then makes a backpass through four guys to Henrik, who finds Kesler trailing the play. Seriously. The Sedins are the only guys that find trailers on breakaways. These guys love trailers. They have to be a half hour early for every movie, that's how much they love trailers.

• The assist was Daniel Sedin's second of the night, after a centring pass that allowed Alex Burrows to cut the lead in half. With that, Daniel finishes the season with 104 points, good for the Art Ross trophy. He truly was out for blood. Now, it may be eight less than his brother scored last season, but it's also ten more than his brother scored this season. Suck on that, Henrik.

• I love Kevin Weekes' liberal use of the word literally. He's like Rob Lowe in Parks & Recreation. Consider this Weekes-ism, following an early third-period assault from the Canucks: Alain Vigneault obviously did some fine work in this intermission because the Canucks have come out on fire literally. Hmm. I can tell you that, if the Canucks came out from their locker room and they were literally on fire, the broadcast would have taken a markedly different turn.

• There were seven slashing penalties in this game. Seven. Seven! This one had more slashes than a complicated URL. The worst of these was a Henrik Sedin two-hander that seemed relatively out of character Captain Hook, typically known for more passive stick infractions. Slashing is more of Mikael Samuelsson's thing. Now, one might argue that, if Sammy's so slashy, how come he wasn't called for a slash in this slashiest of games? Remember that his third period roughing penalty came when he was pulled out of a scrum he started with a slash. Yes, Mikael Samuelsson slashes like Wal-Mart. Know what else has a lot of slashes? This paragraph. Slash slash slash.

• Alex Burrows isn't known for his skating, but it's hard to miss his improvement in this area. It really stood out during a first period penalty kill, where he won a puck battle, then took the puck around his net and blew the zone with possession. Then, after putting a shot on goal, Burrows managed to be the first forward back, in perfect position to intercept a weak pass from Olli Jokinen. Some beautiful strides during this sequence. For a guy who used to look like he was the only player on the ice wearing roller blades, Burrows has come a long way.

• That said, he's still Alex Burrows. Consider a third period altercation with Jarome Iginla where he goaded Iginla into dropping the gloves, only to forget to reciprocate. Whoops. I suspect Burrows' passion for winning turds stems from the fact that he sort of is one.

• It was fabulous to see all six members of the Canucks' defense finally combine to form Mega Dragonzord. They were a little too reliant on stretch passes last night, but the promise of this group is hard to ignore. Any one of them can spring a guy at any time. Another good way to spring a guy? Have a girl walk in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face.

• Congratulations to Christian Ehrhoff on collecting his 50th point of the campaign on the overtime winner. Ehrhoff has had a fabulous season, and now becomes the first Canucks' defenseman in 15 years to reach the 50-point plateau. Henrik Karlsson was upset about the goal, feeling he'd been interfered with. Unfortunately, the refs didn't buy it, maybe because claiming Mason Raymond interfered with you is a little like claiming Jesus drank all the wine.

• Aaron Rome actually didn't look too bad playing wing on the 4th line. He had 3 shots, 4 hits and a takeaway, as well as a few decent scoring chances. In truth, Rome acquitted himself nicely enough that this could potentially be an option in the playoffs. It might be a nice way to ensure that the Canucks don't find themselves, after an injury, playing with five d-men in the late stages of an important game. Sidenote: at one point, I was concerned Rome's strong play might earn him a few extra shifts, somehow managing to give him more minutes than Keith Ballard, even as a fourth-line winger.

• There was a brief scare during the first period, when Ryan Kesler headed to the dressing room with an apparent knee injury. Mind you, you had to know he was coming back. When I was a child, I had a posable MC Hammer doll, and my brother popped off its legs, then reattached them backwards, so Hammer's knee bent up towards his stomach. If that had happened to Kesler's knee, he would still have returned. Rule of thumb: if Kesler doesn't leave the game via medicopter, he'll be back soon.

• This was Cory Schneider's 25th appearance of the season, and by allowing fewer than eight goals, he has officially won a share of the Jennings trophy with Roberto Luongo. Schneider's play this season has been fabulous, but I hope this was his last game as a Canuck. A playoff appearance means something has gone horribly wrong, and a return as Lou's backup next season would be beneath him. One could easily argue Schneider is the best rookie goalie in the NHL. He finishes fifth in the league with a 2.23 goals against average, and his .929 save percentage is good for third. In fact, his performance last night bumped his save percentage one point better than Luongo's, dropping the Canucks' starter to fourth in the category. This parting blow may affect Luongo's outside shot at a Vezina nomination, as the "top three in wins, GAA, and SV%" argument is now dead. Think Luongo regrets lobbying for Schneider to get 25 appearances now?

• And finally, someone threw a salmon onto the ice again. Clearly, no one is listening to me.

From the Archives: Tomorrow's Headlines Today

On Friday, October 8th, 2010, the day before the puck dropped to begin the Canucks' regular season, we at PITB made some bold predictions about the headlines this season of hockey might generate. With the regular season set to expire after tonight's HNIC tilt with the Calgary Flames, we thought it might be a good idea to go back and see how many if these predictions turned out to be stone-cold prophecies.

As it turns out, the answer is one. Exactly six months ago yesterday, I predicted that Raffi Torres would be suspended four games for a headshot. No lie, I sailed right into the mystic on that one. You'll forgive me if I quit my job, invest in small tent, some hanging beads and a dry ice machine, and begin plying my trade as a carnival seer. Looks like I've got the psychic goods.

But don't take my word for it. Check it out for yourself, and maybe ignore the other nineteen I got wrong. Anyway. Here, for your perusal, is Tomorrow's Headlines Today: This Season's Canuck News, an original PITB article.

| Continue Reading |

Hey Mr. Tambellini, Play a Song For Me

Preferably something upbeat, with a catchy chorus.

At the beginning of the season, Jeff Tambellini looked like a young hotshot poised for a breakout season. After struggling to work his way into the lineup, Tambellini found chemistry on the second line with Kesler and Raymond, forming a speedster trio that wreaked havoc on opposition defenses.

With 15 points (9 G, 6A) in his first 21 games with the Canucks, it looked like Gillis had found a cheap replacement for the departed Michael Grabner. Their similar attributes - speed and an accurate wristshot - made the two players seem eminently comparable: last season, Grabner had 11 points in 20 games with the big club, so it seemed, at the time, that Tambellini was even better, especially when Grabner was waived by the Florida Panthers out of training camp.

Tambellini capped off his first 21 games with a 6-game point-scoring streak in December, culminating in a contest on December 28th against the Philadelphia Flyers in which he took a game-high 9 shots, finished +2, and even won a faceoff for good measure. He managed all of this in just 13:18 of ice time.

Since that date, he has a grand total of 2 points in his last 40 games, both assists. He hasn't registered a point since February 2nd against the Phoenix Coyotes.

Last night, in a rout of the Minnesota Wild, Tambellini played only 13 shifts, for a grand total of 8:33 of ice time. While he previously appeared to be a source for secondary scoring, he's become a spare part that will likely see plenty of press-box time in the playoffs once Raffi Torres returns.

With his scoring touch disabled and his magic shooty spot cursed, Tambellini has been shuffled down to the fourth line when he's in the game at all. There, he's struggled to provide a contribution, managing 112 hits on the season, but rarely making much of an impact with his small frame. Meanwhile, the player that seemed so eminently comparable has exploded for the New York Islanders: Grabner has 33 goals this season and has launched himself into the Calder Trophy debate.

So what happened? How does a player go from being so effective to so defective?

To be perfectly honest, I'm not quite sure. Certainly, his ice-time has dropped, but he was able to score in limited minutes prior to his slump and has been given opportunities several times since. He has still been willing to get to the dirty areas of the ice and still forechecks with speed. He's shooting the puck less - he averaged 2.333 shots per game through his first 21 games and 1.625 shots per game during his slump - but much of this can be attributed to the decrease in his ice-time.

While I may not have the answer for why Tambellini has fallen into such a funk, I can admit that I should have seen it coming. In 2009-10 with the Islanders, Tambellini scored 10 points (7G, 3A) in his first 15 games. He managed 4 points, all assists, in his remaining 20 games. In 2008-09, Tambellini split up his slumps, starting the season with only 2 points in his first 24 games, before scoring 4 points in 8 games. He followed that up with 0 points in 13 games, then a hot streak of 5 points in 4 games, then rounded out the season with 4 points in his final 16 games.

Jeff Tambellini is the definition of a streaky player. He'll heat up for brief stretches where he will show flashes of why he was a first round pick in 2003 (taken just 4 picks after Ryan Kesler), but then will struggle mightily for long periods of time. This is arguably the worst slump of Tambellini's career and there doesn't seem to be any indication he'll be able to break out of it any time soon. That said, he's entering the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the first time in his career, which can have a strange effect on some players.

With Raffi Torres suspended, Tambellini will likely get a chance to play in at least the first two games of the first round, albeit on the fourth line. With a strong playoff performance, he could potentially get re-signed in the off-season, but at this point it seems unlikely. At the age of 26, he's looking less and less like a young player with potential and more and more like another Jason Krog, who his point totals in the AHL and NHL are beginning to strongly resemble.

Three Reasons Why Throwing Salmon Is a Bad Idea

A better use for salmon.

A month ago, at the tail end of a 4-3 Vancouver road win over the Calgary Flames, a Canucks fan threw a salmon onto the ice. It was kind of a dick move, but it was presumed to be an isolated incident, like that time someone shone a green laser in Miikka Kiprusoff's eyes. Then, last night, someone else did it again.

A repeat performance of the salmon chuck forces us to consider the possibility that this is becoming a thing. If indeed a minor tradition is blossoming, we also need to consider whether or not this is what we want. Do we want be fans that throw salmon? I would say no, and here are three reasons why:

1. Tossing seafood takes preparation.

Do you know how much work it is to maintain a seafood-throwing tradition? I don't think you do. Consider some of unwritten guidelines for tossing an octopus in Detroit:

The secret to throwing a large octopus onto an ice hockey rink is to boil it first for 20 minutes on high heat with a little lemon juice and white wine to mask the odor.

A well-boiled octopus can be hurled close to 100 feet, its rubbery purple tentacles waving, and will bounce and roll satisfactorily across the ice when it lands. A raw dead octopus is a smelly ball that will stick to the ice on impact and often leave an inky stain.

They just splat" when not boiled properly, said Alphonse C. Arnone, a fish monger at the open-air Eastern Market.

You can't just throw ocean creatures around willy-nilly. You've got to prepare them. Last night's salmon was gutted and cleaned. From where I'm sitting, that sounds like an immense amount of preparation for something you're not going to eat, especially something as delicious as salmon.

2. Resistance will be high.

Octopus tossing is against the rules, but it's been a tradition for so long that the staff of Joe Louis Arena understand. Yes, the team's management tries, halfheartedly, to discourage the practice because it violates league policy, but they also use the octopus as a mascot and on advertisements. There's a sort of unspoken understanding going on here, and that sort of understanding doesn't develop overnight.

It's going to take some serious grassroots dedication before the staff of Rogers Arena are anywhere near as accommodating, or willing to overlook their toss not, lest ye may be tossed policy. That means, for the first while, you will be persecuted, if not prosecuted, unless you do it in secret. Are you willing to do the amount of work outlined in point one and not get credit for it? If you throw your arms in the air like Salmon Chuck did in his self-titled video, Salmon Chuck, you will be evicted. Better to go stealth, but are you willing to keep this thing under your hat?

3. You will smell like fish.

Forget keeping it under your hat; are you willing to keep it in your pants? Because that's likely where you'll have to stuff the fish in order to smuggle it in. I don't need to tell you that a pair of pants that reeks of fish is a pretty legitimate turn-off. Are you willing to strike out romantically for this new tradition? And, if you think the smell will be limited to your lower body, consider that, eventually, you're going to have to fish it out of there and throw it. With your hands. Your hands are on your upper body. You're going full body salmon, friend.

In Florida, the fans throw plastic rats. Why plastic, you ask? Because real rats smell like rats, and nobody wants to walk around reeking of rat for the rest of the night. Vancouver fans, it seems, lack this selfsame foresight. Do you want to be known as dumber than people from Florida? They find voting difficult.


I recognize this may be an attempt to throw something with some local value, but if that's all this is, here are three much simpler items that are a) easy to get and b) of relatively little value: mukmuk plushies, Nickelback CDs, and Emily Carr Institute diplomas. Try one of those.

Anyway. Hopefully, this post has adequately discouraged this practice.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Wild, April 7, 2011

Canucks 5 - 0 Wild

After consecutive losses to the Edmonton Oilers pushed the city of Vancouver to the brink of martial law, you had to think a loss to the Minnesota Wild would be the tipping point. Fans, it seemed, were one poor effort away from killing one another for the contents of their refrigerators. Thankfully, the Canucks staved off a full-scale societal collapse by coming out in this one a little more interested in winning, and they were fortunate to meet a Wild team only to happy to help. The result was a shellacking that will likely quell civil unrest until the team loses again, at which point all the ammo and applesauce I bought will prove quite useful. In the meantime, I watched this game:

• The pregame awards ceremony went pretty much as expected, with Daniel Sedin taking home the MVP, Christian Ehrhoff retaining his best defenseman title, Ryan Kesler winning most exciting player, and Jannik Hansen being named the most unsung. The Presidents Trophy presentation was understated, except for that part where Manny Malhotra showed up, and people went nuts. Talk about crowd pop. It was great to see him. In case you were wondering, Henrik Sedin did not touch the President's Trophy, but I get that whole superstition now. Once you realize that it looks like a crystal bidet, I'm sure any motivation to touch it disappears.

• I especially liked Malhotra's Versace protection sunglasses. It was either that, or a diamond-studded eyepatch.
  

• Marc Donnelly is starting to mix things up. The other night he turned the anthem into a duet. Tonight, he did a different run. If he's trying to reinvent himself, he should call Timbaland.

• After facing criticism for a mild scoring lull to close out the season, Ryan Kesler used tonight as an opportunity to answer back with a hat trick. First, he redeemed himself for his near-infamous powerplay whiff in last Oilers game, where he double-clutched on a tap-in at the goal line and wound up blocking his own shot. He and the Sedins tried the exact same play again, this time with a different result. After successfully making amends on that one, Kesler spent the night bringing his wrist shot back to lethality. He scored two beauties on the rush with perfectly placed snapshots, going high glove side on the first and high stick side on the second (above). Kesler claims he was extra motivated because Farhan Lalji pissed him off earlier in the day. If that's the case, I suggest Farhan Lalji conduct all Ryan Kesler interviews for the duration of the playoffs, with every intent of incensing him: some feel you can't carry this team to a cup. Also, that you're a big dummy. How would you respond to this?

• Frankly, if there was any disappointing aspect to tonight's game, it's that Kesler's hat trick was met with alarmingly few tossed hats. Shocking stat: in terms of personal items thrown on the ice, the ratio of hats to salmon was about even. Not cool, you guys.
  

• Kesler's hat trick goal was his 40th of the season. Quoth John Garrett: 40 is an excellent number. I'm assuming he meant in regards to scoring totals, but he might just like the number 40. Maybe he likes how it looks? He's seen it everywhere this anniversary season, maybe this was a subtle plea for help from a man that's been driven mad by the number's constant presence in his life? He could be completely obsessed with it, like Jim Carrey and 23.

• Early adopters to PITB will recall that, before he and I became Scrabble buddies, Tanner Glass's presence on the third line offended me, especially throughout last year's playoffs. It seems the universe has a wicked sense of humour, as Glass appears to be have garnered a promotion in the absence of Raffi Torres. Soon, my worst nightmares will come true. Next thing you know, Byron Ritche will return to man the powerplay.

• Poor Jannik Hansen. First he lost his center to an eye injury, then he lost his other winger to a suspension. He did an admirable job on his lonesome, even setting up Mason Raymond for the game's opening goal with a beautiful cross-ice pass, but his gloved punch to Pierre Marc-Bouchard was a clear sign that he wants to be suspended too, so the line can be reunited in the press box.

• Speaking of suspensions, frankly, Greg Zanon's 1st period elbow to the head of Maxim Lapierre might have warranted one that stretched into the playoffs. Lucky for Zanon, the Wild didn't make the playoffs.

• Both of Mason Raymond's goals came on wrist shots after fancy setups, the first from Jannik Hansen, and the second from Daniel Sedin, but they weren't tap-ins. Raymond put himself in great position to receive both passes, and these are places he might not go while playing the wing. He was also the only faceoff guy to finish over 50% on the night. He appears to be adapting to his new role as third-line center quite well. It makes sense. There's a little less pressure to score, it's harder to get over to the side boards and circle the zone, and there's a little more ice. Mason Raymond really likes extra ice. Whenever he goes to Earl's, he asks the waitress to make sure there's plenty in his drink; otherwise, his soda is much too strong.

• With both Mason Raymond and Ryan Kesler flirting with a hat trick, and everyone trying to make sure Daniel Sedin gets the last touch, I started the appropriate hashtag: #passittoraymondorkeslerbutfirstpassittodanielsohecangetapoint. I had low expectations for it. Then it trended in Vancouver. I'm not sure what to think about this.
  

• Alain Vigneault rolled all four lines, resulting in steady icetime for everyone, save Jeff Tambellini. Tambellini played eight and a half minutes. No other Canuck played less than fourteen. When you can't find icetime for Jeff Tambellini in a blowout in the last home game of the season, it's safe to say you aren't trying. Victor Oreskovich might want to reserve an airport shuttle.

• Last night marked the return of Alex Edler to the lineup. He looked good, albeit a little out of sync. He also seemed determined to regain some lost ground in the hits category. He had a game-high four hits in this game, which, as Jeff Paterson tweeted, should answer some questions going forward. Questions like: who led the game in hits and In what category did Alex Edler lead the game? Also: which game did Alex Edler lead in hits?

• Edler was immediately returned to his initial pairing with Christian Ehrhoff, sending Sami Salo to the bottom pairing with Keith Ballard. This is the match the Canucks have been hoping to make all season, but injuries have prevented Sami and Keith from being together long enough to click. Looks like they finally get together in the end. If this sounds a lot like a romantic comedy, that's because it is. After the game, Sami found out he was the subject of a bet to make him over and get him elected prom queen. Expect a last act poolside dance.

• Speaking of bets, Roberto Luongo picked up his fourth shutout of the season last night, much to his surprise, and he told reporters that, prior to the third period, he and Cory Schneider bet on who would break the goose egg. Schneider picked Miettinen. Luongo picked Edler. Chew on this: what if Edler actually had scored an own goal, but Miettinen had the last touch? SUCH A DISPUTE IS UNSOLVABLE.
  

The Players Who Commit Headshots Are Not Evil

You had to know that it wouldn't be too long before Raffi Torres found himself in hot water over a headshot. Having watched him play all season, it's been clear to me that, while he tends to hit cleanly (and beautifully, at times), he also hits often (134 this season). This style of play is not without its risks. By this, I mean head hits like the one Torres laid on Jordan Eberle.

I'm not excusing it or arguing against the suspension handed down this afternoon. Torres deserved to be suspended for this hit because of what it was. This was a headshot. He did not, however, deserve to be demonized for it. Unfortunately, he was, and it wasn't fair. This was an accident. Most headshots are.

As long as there's hitting, headshots are unavoidable in the NHL. Make the punishment as stiff as you want--they'll still happen. They're a part of this game, not unlike hooking, tripping, high sticking and all the other infractions that are against the rules and still find ways to occur, usually by accident. And yet, we've somehow reduced this complicated issue down to an issue of bad people doing bad things. So often, we argue about the player's intent, as though he intended to concuss the victim when he took his first stride. Most of the time, intent has nothing to do with it. The player intended to make a hit. It just didn't go well.

Other NHL accidents are understood for what they are. Players get four-minute minors for cutting a guy's face with a high stick. There's no good time or strategic reason to take this penalty, and yet, somehow, we see double minors on the regular. That's because, no matter how disciplined these guys are with their sticks and no matter how stiff the consequences for getting them up, it still just happens sometimes. It's a fast game, and when a guy turns suddenly, your perfect position can become a dangerous one in a hurry. People understand this, except when it comes to headshots. Every one of those seems a clear-cut case of black-and-white villainy. We react to each ugly hit like the perpetrator was secretly the devil all along.

People act like every headshot is fully avoidable, like a shoulder making contact with the head is some sort of preplanned act of violence. We vilify these guys immediately, then turn our noses up at their brutality. You half expect a random search of the perpetrator's locker to turn up diagrams of the victim's skull with a bright red X exactly where the hit took place. We suddenly imagine the perpetrator twirling a moustache, making off with a princess, or petting an evil sidecat with a robotic arm.

Never, except for this sudden age of headshot hysteria, have these guys been so thoroughly psychoanalyzed: Did he mean to do it? Was his elbow tucked? In this freeze-frame, he's in the air. Did he leave his feet, or did the contact lift him off the ground? Are those horns I see under his helmet? Does reflection in the ice appear eerily goatlike to you?

The problem is that these are workplace accidents in a workplace we don't want to admit is flawed. If most headshots are mostly accidental, that would indicate the problem is with the game, not the players playing it. Nobody wants to admit that. The game is awesome right now. It's exciting. It's fast. So, rather than admit the game might have to undergo some unwanted changes to increase player safety, we demonize the players that continue to remind us of the inevitable. Effectively, we shoot the messenger. We've spent a year critizing NHLers for being unable to simply will headshots away. Maybe it's worth considering if the problem lies elswhere.

One comparison you often hear is the sweet and gentle NFL, where this same problem arose and was swiftly dealt with. People act like headshots can be legislated out of hockey the same way they've been somewhat mitigated in football, through tough disciplinary structures and, presumably, player buy-in.

This shows a full misunderstanding of the root of the NHL's headshot problem. It's not the same as the NFL's. Football is a completely different game. Most tackles aren't shoulder to shoulder. They're down lower, and adjusting to a ban on head hits is a much simpler proposition. There simply aren't as many reasons to be up that high on a guy in a game of football.

However, hockey hits are shoulder to shoulder and, in what's turned out to be a massive design flaw for hockey player anatomy, the shoulder is perilously close to the head. The sport is also twice as fast as football, and the players are usually extended, in full skating stride, and carrying enough momentum that an on-ice collision is like a small traffic accident. Going for a hit, even the slightest miscalculation or unwanted adjustment from either party--at breakneck speed, remember--means that an intended shoulder to shoulder contact becomes a gruesome accident.

It's a wonder there aren't more dangerous collisions.

So yes, let's suspend players for these hits. Let's make sure everyone is aware these hits are unwelcome in the NHL. But let's not psychoanalyze, and let's take some of the blame we're placing on the players, and place it on the game.

Factual Inaccuracies in "How The West Was One"

Local musician Kyprios has released a new song, "How The West Was One," a Canuck anthem just in time for the playoffs. It's a decent song, actually, with some slick production and decent flow. I like it. Though he drops fewer rhymes than the Bible's got psalms, Kyprios demonstrates a legit knowledge of the Canucks and proves himself a true fan. There are, however, some factual inaccuracies in the lyrics, which, as a super-famous Canuck blog co-writer, I feel obliged to correct, so as to avoid spreading fallacies amongst the Canuck fanbase.

40 years, 40 years
Won't be another one the champs are here

So far, so okay. With an appropriate amount of swagger, Kyprios asserts that after 40 years of no Stanley Cups, there won't be another one. This seems, perhaps, a bit brash: it implies, after all, that the Canucks will win the Stanley Cup every single season from now on. This is a bit too optimistic, though I understand the impetus behind such bravado. An alternate explanation might be that Kyprios expects either the world or the NHL to end after this season, which would be exceedingly pessimistic. Either interpretation paints Kyprios as a man prone to dangerous extremes in his beliefs.

Hank and Dank are in the building
They going in first like Barry Wilkins

Barry Wilkins is, of course, the defenseman who scored the first NHL goal in Vancouver Canucks history. He managed to score only four other goals that season, so here's hoping that the simile comparing the Sedins to Wilkins is grossly inaccurate. Quite frankly, it already is: the Sedins don't normally play the first shift of the game, so they are rarely "going in first." If he's referring to the offensive zone, it's generally Burrows' job to get in on the forecheck first. If Kyprios is referring to the powerplay, where the Sedins generally are first over the boards, he should have been more clear.

Hit first ask questions second
My man Tiger Williams taught me them lessons

While Tiger Williams certainly "hit first," asking questions was much further down his list of priorities, somewhere between "water the begonias" and "pick up drycleaning." Honestly, I'm not sure what kind of questions he might ask after laying out an opponent with a bodycheck: How's the weather down there? Have you read my cookbook? Orange you glad I didn't say banana? Recipients of his hits were not in the best frame of mind to answer questions in any case.

And we're destined, flyin' in the Western
We can beat you both ways like Ryan Kesler

Wait, is Kyprios admitting that he has physically assaulted Ryan Kesler? We can beat you both ways, just like we beat Ryan Kesler? Is he also saying that there are only two ways to beat someone? Judge Dredd would likely disagree with that. Of course, Kyprios is actually saying that the Canucks can win either by scoring goals or by preventing goals. That is factually inaccurate: the Canucks win by doing both at the same time.

Yessir, ya not even competitors
Listen up to Alex, and respect your Edlers

That's not inaccurate; that's just a terrible pun.

We got heroes, who beat you with pure play
We got Burrows, lookin' like Bure

The only way that Burrows looks like Bure is in regards to the first three letters of his name. At no point when they are on the ice do they look at all similar. They don't score goals in the same way, they don't skate the same way, and their facial features are entirely dissimilar. It is factually inaccurate to say that Burrows looks like Bure.

Fan my whole life, not a team quite this sick
Opposition goalies are the red light district

While I could quibble that it is extremely unlikely that Kyprios was a Canucks fan during his infancy, I won't. In fact, the rhyme of "quite this sick" with "light district" is solid, although Harrison feels Kyprios missed an attempt to sneak in a reference to "Bisquick".

Vancouver is a family
So we'll do it for Bourdon and we'll do it for Manny

Yeah, I can't argue with this one. Only one word appropriate for this couplet: werd.

Happy Anniversary
It's not the name on the back, rep the front of the jersey

Factual inaccuracy: the 40th Anniversary Jersey, which Kyprios is clearly referencing in this couplet, does not even have a name on the back. Thus, it would be impossible to play for the name on the back as it simply does not exist. QED.

Coach Vinny knows the Hammer gonna getcha,

This seems like something Mikael "Awkward Dad" Samuelsson might say to his kids while rough-housing: The Hammer's gonna getcha! It's gonna getcha! The part that is factually inaccurate, however, is that Alain Vigneault is not called "Coach Vinny." It makes him sound like an Italian-American mobster rather than a French-Canadian hockey coach. Vigneault is actually known as Monsieur Rondelle.

could be Keith Ballard or boom boom Bieksa

Kevin Bieksa's nickname is "Juice" not "Boom Boom." The only "Boom Boom" in hockey is Bernie "Boom Boom" Geoffrion, the supposed inventor of the slapshot. If Kyprios wanted to avoid the "Juice" appellation and go with a repetitious nickname of his own invention, I would suggest "Pinch Pinch" or "Slide Slide."

This is Kyprios, not Nick or Kiprusoff
Got me throwin' punches like pissin Rick Rypien off

Kyprios kindly clarifies that he is not Nick Kypreos, something @RealKyper_ never had the courtesy to do. Apparently confusing Kyprios with Nick Kypreos or, worse, Miikka Kiprusoff enrages Kyprios to the point of physical violence. Someone needs to notify him, however, that pissing Rick Rypien off leads to mild shirt tugs rather than punch-throwing.

Shootin' like Sammy, with Torres beside him

Kyprios shoots logos all over Vancouver. Any time you see a bullet hole in a logo, Kyprios put it there. Also, when Raffi Torres is next to him, Samuelsson hits logos with greater efficiency. There's nothing factually inaccurate about this, it just needed to be pointed out.

If they Called Raffi Cli, the boys couldn't find him

See, if you put "Cli" in front of Raffi's last name, it makes 12-year-old boys laugh. It doesn't, however, make Raffi more difficult to find, as the small campfire on his lower lip makes him stand out in a crowd no matter what prefix is added to his name. Factual inaccuracy.

Jokes, Laugh when I'm servin' ya
You know I love the Nucks like Pratt loves Ursula

In this, the darkest, most soul-searching part of the song, Kyprios admits to stalking the Vancouver Canucks, calling them at all hours of the night, and growling at them while wearing leather pants. It takes a lot of guts to admit you have a problem, Kyprios. I'm proud of you.

Great Dane, May Ray is the trickiest kid
Lap Dog, and Chris is getting Higgy with it

Jannik Hansen is from Denmark and he is pretty great. Placing his nickname so close to Mason Raymond's, however, only makes it seem like they are the same person. This is factually inaccurate. Also, no one calls Maxim Lapierre "Lap Dog" anymore, not since Steve Downie made that mistake. And while "Chris is getting Higgy with it" was one of the lamest things Dave Tomlinson has every said, I'm all for embracing it in true ironic hipster fashion. As long as it is said with full self-awareness that it is a lame thing to say, then it's awesome. That's how irony works, right?

Wild west, where you know how the song go
The Nucks are the number underneath of Luongo

No they are not. The Canucks are a hockey team composed of human beings with emotions, feeling, and stories. They are not numbers, they are free men! Reducing them to a number is just plain wrong. They're human beings, dammit! Treat them with some dignity!

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Oilers, April 5, 2011

Canucks 0 - 2 Oilers

After watching the awful game on Saturday between these two teams, I was initially pleased that Harrison was on IWTG duty for that game and I was responsible for this game. Surely the Canucks would put together a better effort. Surely they wouldn't lose to the Oilers two games in a row. Surely they would buckle down, straighten up, put their hand to the plow and nose to the grindstone, swing into action and and take the bull by the horns. Instead, like Buffy Summers (seen above), the Canucks were just going through the motions all game long. However, as our Twitter followers pointed out, when Buffy was going through the motions, she still won. The Canucks did not. And while I wish I had instead watched "Once More, With Feeling" again, I watched this game.

• Through 10 minutes, the Canucks had 1 shot on goal, putting them on pace for 6. It was an ugly, ugly opening to this game. The rest of the game wasn't much better, as they never sustained any significant offensive and pressure and never truly challenged Dubnyk. Actually, I'm not quite sure who was out there in the Canucks uniforms, but they certainly bore very little resemblance to the Canucks that I have watched all season long. I suspect Mike Gillis sought out 20 fanatical Canuck fans amongst the various adult rec leagues in BC, had them undergo radical plastic surgery to turn them into Canuck doppelgangers, and had them replace the real Canucks as soon as they wrapped up the Presidents' Trophy. The real Canucks are busy training underwater like Team Evil from Shaolin Soccer.

• Seriously, though, there's no reason to be concerned. The Canucks are, unsurprisingly, playing like a team with nothing to play for. While it would certainly be nice to see them continue to dominate the opposition in these final games before the playoffs, it's not surprising to see them play with such little urgency. The only thing they're concerned about at this point is avoiding injuries. Despite playing shorthanded for over 11 minutes, only one forward--Ryan Kesler--blocked a shot on the penalty kill.
  

• Alain Vigneault kept his promise of getting Schneider into enough games to qualify for the Jennings Trophy, if the Canucks can hang onto it. With the game essentially over, we got 28 Seconds of Schneider, which, coincidentally, is also the name of my Electro-Pop side project.

• On a positive note this picture of Linus Omark with the Sedins is absolutely incredible. The company that made the Sedins' tracksuits is still in business; Bruce Boudreau is their biggest customer.

• Despite the Canucks best efforts to phone this game in, it was abundantly clear that they were indeed the better, more skilled team. They just weren't the hardest working team. The Oilers' first period goal with just seconds remaining was pure luck, deflecting off Ryan Jones' skate on the powerplay. They needed a 4 minute 5-on-3 to beat Luongo again. They seemed to be pretty excited about barely defeating a barely-there Canucks team, but considering they have very little to be excited about in Edmonton right now, I'll guess we'll let them savor this for a bit.

• Noticing how the Canucks were phoning in this game, the refs decided to do the same. It was a poorly managed game from start to finish, as they waited too long to call coincidental minors on one of the many post-whistle scrums, one of the many reasons the game got out of hand and ugly. The other reason was that the Oilers somehow didn't end up shorthanded until the start of the third period. Meanwhile, the Sedins got tripped, hooked, and mugged. Daniel and Henrik discovered after the game that their loonies and toonies were stolen.

• The worst non-call, however, came while the Canucks were killing off the 5-on-3 powerplay: Mason Raymond used his speed to get the puck deep and was attempting to kill time along the boards. His effort was cut short when he was slammed face first into the boards directly from behind. Nothing. No call. Gutless. I couldn't find video of it anywhere: instead, enjoy this blatant tackle of Ryan Kesler by Theo Peckham favorably labeled in the NHL video highlights as a "hit." Anyone notice how the arm and hand that Peckham wrapped around Kesler was nowhere near his own stick? The referees didn't.

• Vancouver's normal course of action when a team is taking liberties physically is to punish them with goals on the powerplay. With the referees so reticent to put the Canucks on the powerplay, they eventually took matters into their own hands, taking some unnecessary and flagrant penalties. The double crosscheck that, in combination with the Torres major, destroyed any hope of a comeback by the comatose Canucks, was almost as blatant as Derek Smalls' foil-wrapped cucumber.

• I admit: my frustration with the reffing initially clouded my vision on the Raffi Torres hit on Jordan Eberle. After some time to unwind and watch the replays, it's a clear blindside hit to the head. While Torres definitely had his elbow tucked in and wasn't aiming for the head (in fact making contact with his elbow on Eberle's shoulder first), the principle point of contact was the head. Torres will likely face a suspension, though I don't expect anything more than two games considering his clean history with the league and that Eberle immediately popped to his feet, played on the following powerplay, and is evidently completely uninjured.

• The ice at Rexall is shamefully bad. The puck bounced all over the place, a severe handicap for a smooth-passing team like the Canucks. Ryan Kesler seemed to struggle the most, frequently losing the handle while carrying the puck, resulting in 3 recorded giveaways, a game high. Considering he now has only 19 recorded giveaways over the entire season, that's significant. He also whiffed actively prevented the puck going in on a wide open net during the Canucks first powerplay. Let's just say that it wasn't his best game, but he did lead the Canucks in shorthanded time on ice, won 11-of-18 faceoffs, and broke the glass behind Devan Dubnyk in the first period...with his wristshot. I've said it before, I'll say it again: the NHL should introduce a hardest wristshot competition at the All Star Game.

• Aaron Rome appears to be incapable of passing the puck. It has become infuriating: he is very capable of making the simple play - the bank off the glass out of the zone, the dump-in from the blue line, the soft wrist shot from the point into the goalies pads - but seems unable to make higher-level plays than that. While there is certainly a place for a player like Aaron Rome, it's not in the top-four of a Stanley Cup favorite. Fortunately, with Alex Edler and Andrew Alberts practicing with the team and Dan Hamhuis skating again on his own, Rome might not even be on the ice to start the playoffs.

• I'm honestly trying to think of some positive things to say: I suppose Ehrhoff and Bieksa were okay. Luongo made some nice saves. Unless Raymond received a stealth concussion from bashing his face on the boards, they escaped the game without injuries. Higgins still appears capable of playing hockey in a competent manner. Ugh. I'm praising competence. This was a bad game. Let's just all forget it happened, bite our lips through the final two games of the regular season, and try to survive until the start of the playoffs.

From the What If Files: Aaron Rome's Empty-Net Goal

On March 29, in the dying seconds of a road game versus the Nashville Predators, Canucks' defenseman Aaron Rome scored his first goal as a Canuck. It was a 200-foot empty-netter, but that didn't make it any less special for Vancouver, who celebrated the rare occurrence (it was Rome's 100th game with the team) by mobbing him like he'd scored an overtime winner.

This touching moment almost didn't happen. As the puck drifted towards the goal line, Henrik Sedin quit skating and stuck his arms out, so as to prevent anybody from spoiling the moment. In that instant, any number of shocking things could have gone awry. Below, PITB has imagined three very plausible scenarios, with adorable artist's renderings by the fabulously talented Chloe Ezra.

-----------------

SCENARIO 1

Henrik skates like wildfire, catching up to the puck eight inches from the goal line. He changes its trajectory by one degree, earning credit for the goal. Then, before a stunned arena, he tears the C off his jersey, flashes the double guns Shane O'Brien style, and skates off, chanting "Henrik! Henrik!"

Artist's Rendering

SCENARIO 2

Shea Weber gains ground in a hurry. Determined to preserve Rome's special moment and paranoid that Weber is about to thwart it, Henrik tackles the Nashville defender, rugby-style.

Artist's Rendering

SCENARIO 3

No one touches the puck, but it catches a little mound of snow and misses the net. As it slides into the corner, Henrik retrieves it, then makes a no-look backhand saucer pass to Daniel, who pots the insurance goal. The visiting Vancouver fans chant "MVP! MVP!" Forgotten, Aaron Rome skates to the bench unnoticed. After the game, he finds a quiet place and journals.

Artist's Rendering

Quotes Taken Out of Context: Staios Edition

"If Ethan’s mom was coming back from injury, I think he’d take a run at her."

- Steve Staios, April 2, 2011

Cory Schneider Needs to Play Two More Games

The William M. Jennings Trophy is awarded annually to the goalies for the team that allows the fewest goals against. The Vancouver Canucks have allowed 181 goals this season, three fewer than the Boston Bruins, who have four games remaining to the Canucks three. If the Canucks can avoid ugly performances like Saturday's flop, there's a good chance that the Canucks goalies will take home the prize.

Or rather, Roberto Luongo will take home the prize.

In order to be eligible for the Jennings Trophy, a goalie needs to have played a minimum of 25 games. While Vigneault has made good on the promise to rest Luongo and give Schneider at least 20 starts this season (with 21 so far), Schneider has still only played in 23 games. The problem is that Luongo is having too good a season: he's only been pulled twice this year. The first was the oddball game in Minnesota in which Rypien stole the show by attempting to steal a fan and the second was the Voldemort game: that which shall not be named. Other than that, Luongo has been too dang good to get pulled.

What this means is that, after starting on Saturday against the Oilers, Schneider needs to play two more games to qualify for the William M. Jennings Trophy. Which means he'll need to start 2 of the final 3 games because it's incredibly unlikely that Luongo will need to get pulled. Simultaneously, he and the rest of the Canucks need to be good enough to avoid allowing an abundance of goals against, or Tim Thomas and Tuukka Rask (who has played enough games to qualify) will win the award instead. And no one wants that.

Frankly, Schneider deserves to be honoured. He has been the ideal back-up goaltender, not just giving the Canucks a chance to win when he plays, but outright stealing games at times. He has faced 40 or more shots three times this season; he has won each of those games. His performance and dependability is one of the main reasons the Canucks have such a stellar goals against average. It would be a shame if the Canucks won the Jennings and only Luongo had his name on the trophy.

Unfortunately, it may not be in the cards. On Saturday, with Roberto Luongo and Alain Vigneault set to appear on After Hours, we submitted a question regarding this issue, and Elliotte Friedman put it to Alain Vigneault (at 6:16 of clip). AV was apparently unaware that Schneider needed two more games, stated that Luongo would start on Tuesday against Edmonton, and indicated that they have a plan. It seems doubtful that the plan was in place for Schneider to start the final two games of the season and unlikely that they will deviate from that plan. It's more likely that Luongo and Schneider will split the final two starts, leaving Schneider one measly game short.

Let's face it: now that the Canucks have sewn up the Presidents' Trophy, the only thing left to play for in the regular season is individual accolades. Last season, the entire team came together to help Henrik win the Art Ross Trophy. They should be able to the same for Luongo and Schneider. Alain Vigneault needs to play Cory Schneider in two more games this season, even if it means putting him in for the final five minutes of game 82 if the Jennings trophy is signed, sealed, and delivered. He's earned it.

Leave Cody Hodgson Alone

Cody Hodgson's not a bust! He's a human being!

The injury to Manny Malhotra has left the Canucks' third line in a state of disarray. It's a substantial hole, and the Canucks have struggled to fill it, promoting fourth-line centers such as Maxim Lapierre and Alex Bolduc, as well as converting wingers such as Jannik Hansen and Mason Raymond. All of these experiments have been met with mixed success. The answer, it seems, is evasive.

Tony Gallagher believes it's in the AHL. If the need is a natural center with some offensive talent, Gallagher (and many others) want to know why the Canucks haven't called up Cody Hodgson. Here's why: another Cody Hodgson recall won't help anybody. Not the Canucks, not Hodgson.

Right now, the best thing for everyone would be to leave Cody Hodgson alone.

The player who steps in for Manny Malhotra needs to do at least some of the things Malhotra did, and Hodgson can't really do any of them. Cody and Manny are all the wrong kinds of different. Malhotra is a shutdown specialist and a faceoff guru. Whoever replaces him has to be reliable defensively, at least, and Hodgson isn't.

Hodgson's a team-worst minus-12 for the Manitoba Moose, and it's no anomaly. He was a scary deployment in the bigs. Earlier this season, Tanner Glass, who spent some time on Hodgson's wing, admitted, "Sometimes I look around, and I'm like, 'Oh boy, what is he doing?'"

If Hodgson's defensive play alarms Tanner Glass, it terrifies Alain Vigneault, especially considering Cody's probably gonna be starting without the puck. Hodgson put up a 38.1 faceoff percentage in Vancouver. Of the 12 Canuck forwards that have taken 30 or more draws this season, only Raffi Torres is worse. Manny Malhotra started in the defensive zone more often than any other player in the NHL. Utilizing Cody Hodgson similarly would be downright foolish.

It would also be detrimental to his development. What Hodgson really needs these days is some drama-free consistency. He's hockey's Mary J. Blige. Since his first training camp with the Canucks in September of 2008, he's been through some dark times.

First, there was the offseason back injury, a slipped disc and a mysterious torn muscle that baffled doctors and specialists. This injury caused Hodgson to struggle in his second Canucks training camp, eventually being returned to junior before sitting out nearly the entire season. When he finally returned, he played all of eight games before breaking a toe, then nine more before somebody noticed. During this span of games, he also managed to further aggravate a back that hadn't fully healed.

Because of all this, Hodgson got a late start in this year's training camp. After failing to make the team for the third time, he was sent to the Manitoba Moose, where he finally got himself back into game shape. There, he was finally able to put together an uninterrupted string of healthy games, and--surprise, surprise--he took over the team lead in scoring.

Then he took a high stick in the face at practice, breaking his orbital bone. He would miss six more weeks of hockey, stalling his breakout season.

Once he recovered enough from this injury to return to the lineup, albeit in full face shield, he played four games before being called up to the NHL for five. Then, he was sent back down to the Moose for six. During this time, he finally returned to full health. Then, he was called back up to the Canucks for three games. Unsurprisingly, he didn't play well enough to stick with the big club. He was returned to the Moose, and he's yet to return to his impressive level of play from earlier in the season.

If you can't recognize the consistent pattern here, it's because there isn't one, except for constant inconsistency. Each time he begins to flourish, something derails his progress, and he winds up struggling to get his bearings. This has been the story for two years. And now, we want to call Cody Hodgson up for four more NHL games, then toss him into the playoff mix--where the hockey changes yet again--in a role for which he's woefully unsuited?

Forget it. Like most young men, what he really needs in his life is a little consistency. For a while, at least, can we please leave Cody Hodgson alone?