Wellwood's World, Chapter 8: Meet Me in San Jose

Let's be very clear: when we began closely following Kyle Wellwood's career, we had no idea it was going to be this interesting.

Well, maybe we did. Even on a slow day, Kyle Wellwood is impossibly interesting, but we genuinely expected the Wellwood's World feature to be a lame list of stats followed by a botched quote from a Russian interview.

It never quite got to that.

Before long, Wellwood was back to his old tricks, infuriating coaches, losing ice time, and being hockey's greatest source of pathos. Then suddenly he was released from his contract. Then his wife was pregnant. Then he was signed by St. Louis. Then he wasn't. Then he was again, and before he could join the Blues, San Jose plucked him off waivers. Seriously, when has Kyle Wellwood ever moved this fast?

That's right, you heard it here last. Kyle Wellwood is a San Jose Shark. In fact, in a remarkable twist of irony (appropriate for the highly-literate forward), Wellwood will be in the lineup for the Sharks tomorrow night as their third-line center, directly opposed to Manny Malhotra, the guy the Canucks desperately targeted to replace him. So, again: The Canucks let Kyle Wellwood walk in order to sign Manny Malhotra. The Sharks let Manny Malhotra walk and eventually wound up with Kyle Wellwood. Seriously, how bad does GM Doug Wilson look right now?

I'm also happy to report that the Kyle Wellwood quote machine is back in English, meaning we no longer need to get his brilliance translated from Russian before we are moved by it. Here he is, addressing the long-running fat jokes, from Working the Corners:

Wellwood brings with him that reputation for being overweight and out of condition when he reported to the Vancouver Canucks at the start of the 2008-09 season. Yes, that was a problem then, he acknowledges. No, it’s not a problem now.

“When I came to Vancouver, I came off waivers from Toronto and I had three groin surgeries and I had a broken leg over the summer,” he said. “When I got to camp, I wasn’t in good enough shape or like the rest of the guys.

“That was something I fixed and now I’ve been in great shape,” Wellwood continued. “I’ve been under 180 pounds so it’s kind of a running joke — you still get the fat jokes when you’re one of the lightest people in hockey. You just laugh and shake your head.”

Typical Wellwood. I'm not fat. I'm weak. Get it right.

The prodigal son has come home, and now he plays for the other team. This is gonna be awesome.

Wellwood's World, Chapter 7: Back From Exile

Update: apparently this isn't officially confirmed and GM Doug Armstrong is denying it. But that's just shame. He'll get over it.

It was only last Tuesday that we delivered the bundle of nonjoy that was the end of Kyle Wellwood's contract with Atlant Moscow Oblant. Two days later, things got a little brighter, as we happily reported the bundle of joy his wife Bianca was carrying, and the pregnancy's part in what was an amicable departure from the KHL.

Now the news is downright sunny, as TSN is reporting that Kyle Wellwood, the gosh darn adorable center with whom PITB is unhealthily obsessed, has agreed to play the remainder of this season with the St. Louis Blues.

Now, it's all not roses yet, as Wellwood still needs to clear a few things: first, the remaining contract issues with his KHL team, and second, waivers.

I suspect he'll get through waivers, but the New York Islanders are all about picking up former Canucks on the wire, so there's still a chance he ends up on a line with John Tavares.

I'd prefer that, too. Not to Babcock the Canucks, but what if Kyle Wellwood fits in comfortably with the young St. Louis forward corps, becomes a leader, guides them to a first-round playoff meeting with Vancouver, and drops bombs? What if he scores a dagger? What if Kyle Wellwood, like Daniel "Vengeance as Fuel" Sedin, is out for blood?

We can only hope he goes easy on us.