I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Coyotes, November 21, 2010

Canucks 2 - 3 Coyotes

Crud. We watched this game, and crud.

• For the fifth game in a row (!!!), the Canucks dug themselves a two-goal hole before they generated anything. This is a problem. They dig more holes than Dig Dug. Word of advice to the Canucks: I have personally found it is easier to win games when, at some point, I am winning.
  
  
• We at PITB feel like the topic has been a little played out, but the Canucks defense corps is a shoddy six-man unit right now. There is a corpse-ness to their defensive game, and the holes that they dig for themselves are becoming graves. Wasn't defensive depth supposed to be a strength going into this season? I've never missed Sami Salo so much, and he once spent a wonderful summer living in my backyard, teaching me lessons about life.
  
  
• Has anyone seen the Sedins cycle, maybe in a lost and found box somewhere? If so, please return it to Rogers Arena, care of Daniel and Henrik. They continue to avoid sustained offensive pressure like it was housework assigned by their wives (say, doing laundry or taking out the trash--they avoid cycling and recycling). Tonight we noticed that the crummy defense is also playing into this problem, as pucks sent to the blue line have a tendency of sitting on a defenseman's stick long enough for opposing defenders to recover and take away shooting lanes. We request quicker decisions and puck movement.
  
  
• We saw hot and cold from the fourth line tonight. I was just beginning to rag on them for playing ungood when Tanner Glass scored on a heads-up setup from Peter Schaefer, briefly nullifying the statement. Then they gave up the game-winning goal, so... yeah. Note: we were going to link to TVTropes.com's "So yeah" entry here, but it appears to be gone. In it's place, let's try: Sorry, I'm Gay.
  
  
• Anyway. Tanner Glass pounced on that loose puck like it was an unpluralized word dangling over a triple word score (#ScrabbleMeTanner). He read that play like it was 1984.
  
  
• In case anybody thought Joel Perrault was going to accomplish anything, he had 8 shifts tonight and a team-low 4:49 of ice time. He won zero draws, which is notable, as he took two. Who else is left to play center? Bryant "Big Country" Reeves is a natural center looking for a contract, and he's already got some ties to Vancouver.
  
  
• Unfortunately, the 4th-line center role is no longer the Canucks key concern. They have more worries than Simba the lion king, pre-Hakuna Matata.
  
  
• Mason Raymond is simply struggling with his confidence. He hasn't scored since the fluke in Toronto, and that's his only goal in November. His last tally came on October 26 versus Colorado. You could see his lack of confidence tonight on a shorthanded 2-on-1, when he passed the puck off to Alex Burrows, despite having a step on the lone man back. Mason Raymond is a speed demon, not a passing demon. Maybe he should watch every goal he scored last season to get his confidence back?
  
  
• On a positive note, this was a better game than the game which shall not be named, otherwise known as the Voldemort game. Our theory is that the Canucks played the Voldermort game against the Blackhawks in honour of the new Harry Potter movie, which they obviously all saw when it opened the night before.
  
  
• Though it didn't lead to a tying goal, the Canucks' urgency in the game's final minute was something to be praised. They should do that fifty-nine more times each night.
  
  
• I feel like the sun might be setting on Alain Vigneault's heavily-criticized faith in Aaron Rome. It appears all roads are being diverted away from Rome, having previously led to him exclusively, at least in a common idiom. He played 10:30 tonight, and still managed to find time to take a minor penalty and finish the night minus-2. How does he fit it all in?
  
  
• That's what she said.
  
  
• Lucky for Aaron Rome, the team is sucking collectively, like they're all on a date at a malt shoppe. Andrew Alberts wins the participant ribbon for his non-play on Scottie Upshall on the game's first goal. Take the stick, NHLberts, or we'll send you down to AHLberts faster than you can say, "Please don't do that."
  

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Blackhawks, November 20, 2010

Canucks 1 - 7 Blackhawks

Vancouver played tonight with a degree of poorness that I can only partially explain. Apparently misinformed about what was supposed to happen tonight, the Canucks showed up for a slumber party. Then, undeterred by the fact that their guests were playing ice hockey, our boys decided to go to sleep anyway. When they awoke, they were being soundly embarrassed by a Chicago team you'd think they would have gotten up to play.

But they did not get up; they slept. And unfortunately, both PITB and the Chicago Blackhawks were wide awake the whole time, thinking they must be dreaming when it became apparent how easily the Canucks were going to let this one go. Ugh. Yuck. Blech. We watched this game:

• I've talked in the past about how the Canucks' defense is in complete disarray, and it showed tonight. Bieksa was getting all the blame at the Forum Sports Bar (where we watched the game with fellow bloggers), but this monstrosity was a team effort. Every defenseman finished minus-2 or worse. I was remarking, on the drive home, about how nobody on the back-end is playing in their established position of strength from last year. Everybody's playing the wrong side, with the wrong type of partner. It's maddening.

• An example: in the absence of Sami Salo, Christian Ehrhoff has been asked to become the Sedins' third passing option, but he's much better playing off the rush with Kesler and Raymond. His blueline pinching isn't as heady, and his choices aren't as sound. Furthermore, he's not receiving the twins' passes cleanly even when he does it right. In the Every Goal series, I detailed how many of his goals came with the second line. He's better there. This is just one of many examples of how the defense can't seem to find a groove.

• The problem with Ehrhoff's struggles is that they affect everyone else--most notably, Kevin Bieksa, who has effectively become our no. 2 defenseman. He began the game paired with Alex Edler. Bieksa is better at pinching and keeping the Sedins' cycle game alive, and since Ehrhoff isn't scoring, Vigneault's been using Bieksa as the defenseman on the ice with Hank and Danny. The problem is that Bieksa isn't a two-way defenseman; he's a one-way defenseman that can go both ways. If he's focused on defense, he doesn't play offense, and if he's focused on offense, the puck is going into somebody's net. He seems to be playing unsure of how he's playing. But that goes for most of the defenders.

• Even Dan Hamhuis is playing poorly, and he started off the year playing so well. His foot injury came at a terrible time, and it's clearly still bothering him. It's frustrating because it's been long enough now since he's been playing well that fans are beginning to wonder if he ever was. He was. He's no has-been. He might again.

• It's hecka easy to complain after a night like tonight, so let's rag on the Sedins. Shocking pronouncement: they're underperforming. Don't let their impressive point totals, uh, impress you. The Sedins are scoring, but they're not getting any sustained offensive pressure. The problem with that is that if you can't hem your opponent in the offensive zone, the party's coming to your house. The Canucks' strength over the past few seasons has been 5-on-5 play (remember the LA series, where they outplayed the Kings 5-on-5 drastically) , but that strength is borne from two lines that cycle the puck and retain possession. The Sedins used to do it the best. Not so much lately. They're still scoring, but the puck is coming back to the defensive zone far too quickly, and that's putting too much pressure on a defensive unit that can't handle it right now. People said the Sedins were invisible tonight, and they were. But they're invisible on nights when they score if they can't establish their cycle game and eat the clock with sustained pressure.

• People were taking shots at Henrik for being a poor captain tonight. Is this fair? Here's my thinking: if we're seeing evidence that wearing the C for the Canucks makes you play worse, we should give it to Peter Schaefer. Nobody will notice. Or better yet, give it to the other team's captain, so he'll play really terribly against us.

• I was relieved when Luongo got pulled and Schneider played just as poorly. Thank you, Cory, for your part in mitigating the potential goaltending controversy. That's just teamwork. When nobody's playing well, it's best to go with the flow.

• The good news is that Luongo usually plays fabulously in the game after he gets pulled, so we should expect a win tonight in Phoenix. I was thinking to myself: if he plays so well after getting yanked, the Canucks should yank him in games before big games, so he'll win them. In fact, they should just yank him all the time, even when he's not playing. On off days, Vigneault or Melanson should call him and tell him he just got the hook so he'll play well next game.

• You know things are going awfully when people's expectations have been so tempered they're just praying the Canucks don't get shut out. Samuelsson's goal was a little like salvaging three hubcaps from a totalled car. It's completely meaningless, but it's something. And good on Ryan Kesler, the only Canuck who didn't finish the game in the minuses, for the inside-outside move he made to get that scoring chance. He was the best Canuck tonight.

• I wrote myself a letter before the game asking my future self to come back in the time machine he invents (that's happening), to warn me if the Canucks were going to get whooped. I thought we were going to win tonight because I didn't show. That said, it was probably for the best that Future Harrison stayed away. I was actually planning to murder him and steal the credit for his work. Know thyself.

• There were green children at tonight's game. The green men have reproduced, and this merits a discussion. We know there are green women after one appeared on CBC last postseason and Ron Maclean told her to take her top off. But, despite being gendered, green people are without sex organs, so how do they reproduce? I suggest asexually. Green men are like earthworms. It's possible, in fact, that one of them is actually Earthworm Jim and the green spandex is actually his next generation robotic suit.

• There is good news: the garbage play from the whole team meant Alain Vigneault could play his fourth line more. That's a minor victory, right? More ice time for Tanner Glass?

• Poor Joel Perrault was probably sitting on the bench thinking, Oh man, I am so gonna get blamed for this.

• More good news: a loss like this, at home, might be the wake-up call the Canucks need. They were bad on the road trip, but they were also playing poorly before that, when they were winning. The excuses (road trips, winning) have been quietly filtering out the evidence that they're in a genuine slump. It's patently clear now. Let's hope they get things turned around before we find ourselves in a situation where they're playing well and losing.

• And finally: how many goals do you think Alex Burrows is capable of netting this season? He has one so far. Richard Loat (@mozy19) believes he won't even hit 20. I'm not sure either. My concern is that Burrows spent two seasons in a golden zone, and this shoulder injury might knock him back to earth. My concern is that injecting a bum shoulder into the equation is a little bit like when Earth, Wind and Fire brought elements of disco to the funk.

• That last joke, translated for a non-black audience: my concern is that injecting a bum shoulder into the equation is a little bit like when John Lennon brought Yoko Ono to the Beatles. Also, The Mentalist. White people like The Mentalist, right?

An Alibi is Born: Photos From the Nucks Misconduct Tweetup

From left to right: Richard Loat (@mozy19), Sean Zandberg (@nucksmisconduct), Harrison Mooney (@passittobulis), Yankee Canuck (@nucksmisconduct), Daniel "Skeeter" Wagner (@passittobulis), Chris Golden (@lyteforce), Brian Wawryshyn (@CanucksCorner), a guy, Katie Maximick (@canucksgirl44), J.J. Guerrero (@canuckshockey), Tony Smolock (@smoboy), and fellow person of colour Chuckles Canuckles. Maybe. I'm terrible with names. If you are mislabeled, please let me know in the comments. Please. I feel really bad about this. Thanks to the very kind Ian Walker for snapping the shot. No thanks to him for saying I look like Carlton Banks from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.


In case you missed it, tonight's Canucks game was a real turd, perhaps even a festering one. The Canucks stunk up the place, falling to the Blackhawks 7-1. They literally stunk up the place. I imagine Rogers Arena had that hideous sleep smell that bedrooms have on clammy Sunday mornings, because a wave of narcolepsy swept over the Canucks during the first intermission. They continued to play while they slept (somnambulism), but it was apparent to all concerned parties they were riding a flying sleigh bed to slumbertowne.

Ian Walker says he once saw Bret "The Hitman" Hart plays the genie in a theatrical version of Aladdin. That sounds atrocious, but I figure I would have been more impressed with his play than I was with Vancouver's play tonight.

Thankfully, the evening was salvaged by the Nucks Misconduct tweetup, which brought together a litany of Vancouver's finest blogging talent. As well as the abovementioned hosts, folks from Canucks Corner, Canucks Hockey Blog, Canucks Army, and Nucks Misconduct were all in attendance. Also, the Vancouver Sun's Ian Walker for some reason, yours truly, and fellow Bulie Skeeter, my hetero blog wife. We crammed into our designated corner of the Forum Sports Bar and proceeded to bond over our common affliction: Canuck Badness Madness. The Canucks were bad, and we were mad.

It's bizarre to get together with a bunch of strangers you feel like you already know. I was reminded of that scene in the X-Files when Scully meets all those women who had also been abducted, and they all recognize one another, and discover they have microchips implanted in their necks. That's what this was like, except with bloggers and, for some reason, Ian Walker.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun and everybody was great. I look forward to the next time we can all get together.

Of note: if you're waiting around for tonight's I Watched This Game, it's not coming, sugar. It'll go up tomorrow afternoon when I am much less yawny. My yawns are three minutes apart, which means my bedtime is about to crown. I go now to birth sleep.