Can You Name the Entire 2010-11 Canucks Roster?

Be warned: this cat took the quiz, and now he struggles with confidence.

The Canucks dressed a lot of different guys this season. There were injuries on the backend that necessitated absurd callups. There was a season-long search for the right fit on the fourth line. There was cap trouble. Whatever the reason, 39 guys wore the orca in 2010-11, and PITB has created a Sporcle quiz that will test your ability to remember them all. You might be shocked to discover how quickly you forget.

Seriously. I made the quiz, took it five minutes later, and only got 36 of 39. Am I the biggest idiot ever? Maybe. Or maybe it's just more difficult than it sounds. Click the link below to see for yourself, and don't forget to come back here and let us know how you did.

| Fine, I'll Take Your Stupid Quiz |

Two helpful hints: the roster is alphabetical, and you only have to enter last names.

Canucks Bandwagon Fan Cheat Sheet Appendix

Back in January, we posted our second annual Canucks Bandwagon Fan Cheat Sheet, a guide to all of the players on the Vancouver Canucks for the recently baptized Canucks fan. It was an excellent introduction to the team for wives of diehard fans, Vancouverites who just noticed that the Canucks are at the top of the NHL standings, and Canadian hockey fans whose teams haven't won a game in the last 5 weeks.

The cheat sheet, unfortunately, is a little out of date. With the plethora of injuries to the Canucks' defensive corps, a number of prospects unexpectedly made their NHL debut. Additionally, the trade deadline brought two new players into the fold. With that in mind, we are introducing the first ever Appendix to the Bandwagon Fan Cheat Sheet.

:::::::::::::::::::: FORWARDS ::::::::::::::::::::

Name: Mario Bliznak

About: Bliznak wears #62 and has been a checking-line center at pretty much every level of hockey. He has the potential to step in as the fourth-line center for the Canucks, though his awareness on the ice will need to drastically increase at the NHL-level. He is currently playing for the Moose.

Nickname(s): Bliznasty, Bliz, Blizzy, B to the Lizzy

My wife thinks he looks like I Am Weasel.

If he touches the puck, the puck is in the defensive zone. He doesn't touch the puck in the offensive zone.

Expect to hear: my wife and I shouting his name in the same tone of voice as Magnitude saying "Pop pop!"

Don't expect to hear: "It's-a me" because that's dumb.

Name: Guillaume Desbiens

About: Desbiens wears #34 and plays right wing. He outperformed numerous competitors for the fourth line out of training camp and played reasonably well for 13 games before injuring himself due to an inability to form a proper fist. He's currently with the Moose and is unlikely to make it back into the lineup this season. He has yet to record his first point in the NHL.

Nickname(s): Property, Props, Gilly

My wife thinks he looks like Zach Galifianakis with a shorter beard.

If he touches the puck, it will touch at least three other people before going in the net.

Expect to hear: "The Canucks need more of his physical brand of play."

Don't expect to hear: "Maybe if we put him with the Sedins..."

Name: Chris Higgins

About: Higgins wears #20 and plays left wing. He was acquired from the Florida Panthers at the trade deadline in another example of Mike Gillis and Dale Tallon being best bros. While currently sidelined with a broken thumb, Higgins is a hard-working, versatile forward expected to put some pressure on Mason Raymond for a spot on the second line. He's also expected to fill the SOB-sized hole at the Roxy.

Nickname(s): Higgs-Boson

My wife thinks he looks like Dale from Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers

If he touches the puck, he will possess it like the puck is Regan MacNeil.

Expect to hear: "Wow, Higgins spends a lot of time in the offensive zone."

Don't expect to hear: "I'm not sure that Higgins is working hard enough."

Name: Cody Hodgson

About: Hodgson wears #39 and plays center. He is the greatest prospect of all time. Everything about him is perfect. Nothing he does is wrong. Everything bad that happens to him is someone else's fault. He's great. Everyone likes him.

Nickname(s):

Silent G, CoHo

My wife thinks he looks like Corey Hart without sunglasses.

If he touches the puck, he will show incredible patience and strength on the puck, drawing comparisons to a young Sedin. Whichever one. Doesn't matter.

Expect to hear: "Oh my goodness, you guys, he is so good. Seriously."

Don't expect to hear: "We should have drafted Kyle Beach."

Name: Maxim Lapierre

About: Lapierre wears #40 and plays center. He was acquired at the trade deadline from the Anaheim Ducks. Although the Canucks were expected to seek out a fourth-line center at the deadline, no one expected it to be Lapierre. He can hit, play on the penalty kill, and make a general nuisance of himself, but he's also been known to take a few penalties. Making a marvelous first impression, he took a penalty on his first ever shift with the Canucks. That said, with the emergence of Burrows and Kesler as top-six forwards, it's nice to have someone else to fill the super-pest role.

Nickname(s): Max, Mad Max, Madder Max, Maddest Max, The Pierre, Lappy

My wife thinks he looks like Roberto Luongo's guido cousin.

If he touches the puck, the ref will blow the whistle for the delayed penalty.

Expect to hear: "I can't believe I used to hate this guy. What a great teammate!"

Don't expect to hear: "We traded Joel Perrault for this guy? We got fleeced!"

Name: Joel Perrault

About: Perrault wore #32 and doesn't play for the Canucks anymore. He was shipped out of town in a trade with the Anaheim Ducks for Maxim Lapierre. It was hoped that he would be the solution for the fourth-line center; it was not to be.

Nickname(s): Gone Daddy Gone

My wife thinks he looks like a genial porcupine.

If he touches the puck, he's in the middle of trying to win a faceoff.

Expect to hear: "Wait, he was on the Canucks? When?"

Don't expect to hear: "I can't believe we traded someone so essential to our playoff hopes."

Name: Rick Rypien

About: Rypien wears #37 and plays center. He is the closest thing the Canucks have to a dedicated enforcer. Unfortunately, he's severely undersized for the role. For comparison, George Parros is 6 inches taller and 30 pounds heavier than the pint-sized punchmaster. He does have the benefit, however, of having a Canadian Gold Gloves champion boxer for a father and it shows in his fighting style, as Rypien is equally adept at punching with both fists and is one of the few fighters who will actively block incoming punches like a boxer. Rypien is currently away from the team for personal reasons.

Nickname(s): Rypper, Ryp, Punchy McPuncherson

My wife thinks he looks like Boone Carlyle.

If he touches the puck, he'll either dump it into the corner or pull off a surprisingly sweet spin-o-rama. There is no in-between.

Expect to hear: "What's he doing?! That guy's a foot taller than he is!"

Don't expect to hear: "That was a clear-cut loss in that fight."

Name: Sergei Shirokov

About: Shirokov wears #25 and plays right wing. He is the only Russian in the Canucks system with any real chance of actually playing in the NHL. This led to a series of silly comparisons to Pavel Bure when Shirokov first showed up at training camp last season. Since Shirokov can actually be seen when he is skating at top speed, the comparisons are completely baseless. Shirokov currently leads the Manitoba Moose in scoring, causing many people who have never heard of Jason Krog to freak out that he's not already playing for the Canucks.

Nickname(s): Shirok, The Shark

My wife thinks he looks like a male Patsy Cline.

If he touches the puck, he will be shocked at how quickly a defender closed in on him.

Expect to hear: "Shirokov is a shifty little guy; look at how good he is at finding the open ice."

Don't expect to hear: "I Fall To Pieces"

:::::::::::::::::::: DEFENSEMEN ::::::::::::::::::::

Name: Evan Oberg

About: Oberg wore #64 and plays for a different team. He was traded to the Florida Panthers to acquire Chris Higgins after Oberg took a nosedive down the depth chart from last season. He was 13th on the defensive depth chart and was swapped for a legitimate NHL player. Given the decimation of the Panthers at the deadline, he might be able to find a place in the lineup sooner rather than later. He's a fantastic puck carrier, but has significant issues with his defensive positioning.

Nickname(s): Mr. Samir Naga...Naga...Naga...Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.

My wife thinks he looks like Cory Monteith.

If he touches the puck, it'll be the only time he doesn't look out of place in the NHL.

Expect to hear: crickets.

Don't expect to hear: "Chris Tanev is just another Evan Oberg."

Name: Ryan Parent

About: Parent wears #20 and plays defense. He joined the team at the beginning of the season and has played a grand total of 4 games for the Canucks. Once a highly touted prospect, Parent has not panned out at the NHL level. He is now with the Moose and is unlikely to join the Canucks this season as he will need to clear waivers to do so.

Nickname(s): That One Guy

My wife thinks he looks like: Who the hell is that?

If he touches the puck, the puck is in the AHL.

Expect to hear: Go Moose go! Go Moose go!

Don't expect to hear: the Canucks called up Ryan Parent and this matters to me.

Name: Yann Sauvé

About: Sauvé wears #47 and plays defense. He evolves so much that he ought to be a Pokémon. Right now he's a land mammal with the Manitoba Moose.

Nickname(s): Ianto Jones, Yanni, Rico

My wife thinks he looks like James Franco while hosting the Academy Awards.

If he touches the puck, he'll make the safe play. Moms are completely comfortable with their daughters going out on dates with him, he's so safe.

Expect to hear: "Wait, you mean I can't make this suave joke I've been saving up?"

Don't expect to hear: "Yo Yann, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but Jan Bulis was the greatest Yan of all time. Of all time!"

Name: Lee Sweatt

About: Sweatt wears #57 and plays defense. He has been favorably compared to Brian Rafalski. Like Rafalski, Sweatt is undersized for a defenceman and was forced to start his professional career in Europe. Also like Rafalski, he won the Pekka Rautakallio trophy for best defenceman in the Finnish SM-Liiga. Sweatt scored the game winning goal on his first shot in his first NHL game against the Nashville Predators. He was sidelined with a broken foot just before he got sent down to the Manitoba Moose. His brother, Bill Sweatt is also a prospect for the Canucks.

Nickname(s): The Little Fire Hydrant, Rudy, Ryan Brafalski

My wife thinks he looks like: Sean Astin in Rudy

If he touches the puck, then the Canucks have too many injured defensemen again.

Expect to hear: "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy..."

Don't expect to hear: "It's nice to finally have a defenseman with some size."

The Pros and Cons of Mike Gillis's Trade Deadline Options

If Gillis's first name was Jack, and he made all the best trades, the headline could be, "Jack of All Trades."

The Vancouver Canucks have been one of the NHL's best teams for most of the season and, barring a major collapse, will go into the playoffs as a Stanley Cup frontrunner. They've never been better constructed or positioned to win. With that in mind, as the NHL trade deadline nears, general manager Mike Gillis faces tremendous pressure to do everything he can to fix any possible areas of weakness within his team.

But everything is questionable. Any move he makes or doesn't make comes with risks, and no matter what he does (even if he does nothing, maybe even especially if he does nothing), he will be immediately questioned and criticized. Let's examine his three choices and weigh the pros and cons for each:

1 DO NOTHING

Pros: No paperwork.

Additionally, you avoid the bidding wars. Mike Gillis has gone on record as saying he's not a fan of the NHL trading deadline, and for good reason: it's the exact opposite of a sale. Everything costs too much, especially when you know it'll be cheaper later. If you have to have it now, you can stomach it, but Gillis doesn't have to have anything. His team, as presently constructed, is on top of the NHL, and their chemistry is fantastic.

Holding fast at the deadline is a way to tell them that, too. Sometimes a simple vote of confidence is more effective than any player acquisition.

Cons: Sometimes it isn't. If the players don't get the job done, you have to answer to everyone for your inability to get them that final piece. For example, the Canucks need a fourth-line center. Granted, they could go into the playoffs with Cody Hodgson or Alex Bolduc or whomever in the middle and it might work, but if the team can't get past the second round, Gillis is going to face a lot of criticism for failing to acquire a better option.

The worst con, though, is that you've completely wasted James Duthie's considerable talents by giving him nothing to report.

2 MAKE A DEPTH MOVE

Pros: You can address any small area of need, or simply get a piece that puts your team over the top. Often, your players can read this as a sign you believed they were a piece away, so the vote of confidence angle holds up. A small trade shows you're still hard at work to piece together a winner.

It also serves to get the fans off your back, and considering everybody has a trade proposal, at least one guy is going to be convinced you read the e-mail he sent you.

Plus, even if you overpaid, it didn't cost that much, and the immediate benefit is a player that can help you right away.

Cons: Whatever you get, you likely won't have it for long, and the team with whom you deal will almost certainly have their piece of the trade for longer. Eventually, that draft pick or prospect you traded is going to be somebody. If he turns out to be somebody significant, well, you're not the guy who traded a pick or prospect for a rental, you're the guy who traded Superstar X for a rental.

Heck, if any superstar is drafted within twenty picks of a draft pick you traded, someone will claim you technically traded away that superstar as well, since you traded away the right to draft him, (even if you still wouldn't have). All of this is exacerbated if the guy you acquire turns out to be pretty useless. Then you're the guy who traded Milan Lucic for four games of Mika Noronen.

3 MAKE A SPLASH

Pros: Everyone will love you. On paper, your team simply gets better. You get a major asset.

Cons: You probably have to hold a press conference. On a Monday. Who wants that?

Additionally, when you trade for somebody good, you generally have to give away some good stuff. You can't give a little and get a lot. Unless you're this guy (or trading with Joe Nieuwendyk).

Worse, even if you're comfortable with what you traded and you get the big name you want, the threat to team chemistry is always looming. A big trade typically means tampering with the delicate core of your team, and a lifetime of Saturday afternoon movies has taught me it's never a good idea to tamper with unstable cores--you run the risk of accidentally blowing everything up.

If that happens, then you look like a complete idiot, your team looks stupid for losing despite being stronger, on paper, than before, and suddenly those pieces you were comfortable trading turn out to be four Lucices. That's when you get fired, and in the years to come, you find yourself on the TSN panel reporting on trade deadline day, like some sort of ironic, repetitive, purgatorial punishment for your hubris.

Your Canucks Bandwagon Fan Cheat Sheet, 2010-11 Season

Raymond = Fast

Last year, we introduced the inaugural Canucks Bandwagon cheat sheet to give aid to the less informed, less involved fan who wanted to feel a part of the Canucks' playoff run. Unfortunately, two weeks later, the Canucks were eliminated by the Blackhawks, and the cheat sheet was forgotten.

It's eight months later, however, and the Canucks are once again the talk of the town. They've vaulted to the top of the NHL standings; Bodog thinks they're the odds-on favourite to win the Stanley Cup; the buzz is palpable. Its fair-weather for fans, which often means an onslaught of fairweather fans. But if you're going to be a Canucks fan, the last thing you want is to be smoked out as a bandwagoner. Diehard fans don't take kindly to conditional ones.

So how do you pass for a lifer? You need to know your team. And that's where PITB comes in. This year's Bandwagon Canucks Fan Cheat Sheet--a geyser of valuable information--will tell you everything you need to know about the Vancouver Canucks roster.

:::::::::::::::::::: FORWARDS ::::::::::::::::::::

Name: Alex Bolduc

About: Bolduc wears #49 and plays center. He is continually cast as the Canucks' fourth-line center, but he only seems to get in a handful of games before he's injured. We know very little about him, because we aren't the Canucks' medical staff.

Nickname(s): Duker

My wife thinks he looks like: Howard Moon, jazz maverick.

If he touches the puck, he's not likely to make a crisp pass to a winger. Even on a 2-on-1, he has admitted to having no idea where his linemates are.

Expect to hear: "I'm not sure about Bolduc. I don't like the way his shoulder explodes when he takes a faceoff."

Don't expect to hear: "No one has vision like Bolduc."

Name: Alexandre Burrows

About: Burrows wears #14 and plays right wing on the Canucks' top line. He's a former ball hockey champion. He's often a triggerman for the Sedins. They say he goes to the dirty areas; this can be taken multiple ways. He spends a lot of time in front of the net, but he also might spear an opponent in the groin, and there are few areas dirtier than the groin.

Nickname(s): Burr, Frack, The Wayne Gretzky of Ball Hockey

My wife thinks he looks like: The Muppet Show's Sam Eagle. It's the eyebrows.

If he touches the puck, he's about a millisecond away from taking a crosscheck to the back. I suspect he's just really fun to crosscheck. His primary job on the top line is to get crosschecked by everyone while Henrik and Daniel score. He's catnip.

Expect to hear: "Win da turd!" "That's a slewfoot!" "Ha ha, Burrows doesn't speak any language well."

Don't expect to hear: "Burrows is such a fluid skater it's a wonder he ever falls down."

Name: Tanner Glass

About: Glass wears #15 and plays wing, mostly. He also plays Scrabble. He's been known to fight a bear or two. He loves tootsie rolls. He went to Dartmouth. Goals are an unexpected bonus with Glass; he's a gritty, defensive forward known for his responsible play.

Nickname(s): The Scrabble Champ, Timothy Treadwell

My wife thinks he looks like: If Gerard Butler and Luke Wilson somehow had a baby.

If he touches the puck, you're about to witness a textbook dump and chase.

Expect to hear: "Glass is the cornerstone of our fourth-line."

Don't expect to hear: "That Glass is loaded with offensive upside."

Name: Jannik Hansen

About: Hansen wears #36 and plays wing. He's a speedy, versatile forward who has spent time on every Canucks' line this season. He seems most at home in the bottom six, where he isn't relied on to score and his standout defensive and forechecking abilities can shine.

Nickname(s): The Great Dane, Beaker

My wife thinks he looks like: Beaker.

If he touches the puck, it's a poke check. You could pass it to him and he'd still find a way to poke check it.

Expect to hear: "Hansen is the far and away the best forechecker on the team."

Don't expect to hear: "I really like the rich baritone of Jannik Hansen's speaking voice."

Name: Ryan Kesler

About: Kesler wears #17 and plays center. He's in the midst of a breakout season. He takes hockey very seriously. He's rumoured to have an adamantium skeleton.

Nickname(s): Kes, Frick, Bull

My wife thinks he looks like: The late Jeff Buckley.

If he touches the puck, someone, somewhere will argue he deserves the Hart trophy.

Expect to hear: "Kesler is the heart and soul of this team."

Don't expect to hear: "Kesler is the heart and soul of this improv team."

Name: Manny Malhotra

About: Malhotra wears #27 and plays center on the Canucks' third line. He's one of the best faceoff men in the league. His skills as a shutdown center have earned Selke consideration this season.

Nickname(s): The Manimal, Alternate Captain Mal

My wife thinks he looks like: Stanley Tucci.

If he touches the puck, hope it's on a faceoff. He knows what to do there. Hope it's not on an odd-man rush. He's a little less clear in that situation.

Expect to hear: "Another faceoff win by Malhotra. The guy's a machine."

Don't expect to hear: "I don't see how this guy's an upgrade on Kyle Wellwood."

Name: Mason Raymond

About: Raymond wears #21 and plays wing on the Canucks' second line. He's terribly fast. When he's on his game he's a major scoring threat. When he's not, he's the skinny guy from NES Ice Hockey, infuriatingly circling the zone. He's a tad bland, and chillingly inconspicuous. Sometimes, he simply is not there.

Nickname(s): MayRay, Lame-O Raymo, Bambi, Dimples, Zippy McLowpercentageshot

My wife thinks he looks like: An adorable baby.

If he touches the puck, he'll probably take it wide and circle the zone.

Expect to hear: "Raymond needs to go to the dirty areas."

Don't expect to hear: "If I were him, I'd stay to the perimeter, where it's safer."

Name: Mikael Samuelsson

About: Samuelsson wears #26 and plays wing. He shoots the puck a lot. He speaks his mind. He's the lone Canuck regular to have won a Stanley Cup. Like many Swedes, he plays in direct opposition to conventional hockey wisdom, and somehow, it works for him. Swedish players are the bumblebees of ice hockey.

Nickname(s): Sammy, Mikael McShooterson, The Logo Hunter

My wife thinks he looks like: The Swedish Chef.

If he touches the puck: The crest of the opposing goaltender's jersey will likely get the next touch.

Expect to hear: "What a strange time to shoot."

Don't expect to hear: "I've heard Sweden is quite fond of Samuelsson."

Name: Daniel Sedin

About: Daniel wears #22 and plays wing. He's kind of amazing. He's the twin brother of Henrik Sedin. He's driven by competitive rage. He once spent a month working for Santa.

Nickname(s): Danny, Dank, Brother Daniel, Assistant Captain Hook, Pinky, Kang.

My wife thinks he looks like: Henrik Sedin.

If he touches the puck: Brace yourself for wizardry. Or one pass too many, depending on whether or not the puck can get through the maze of skates.

Expect to hear: "Wizardous Sedinerie!"

Don't expect to hear: "If only he'd made one more pass."

Name: Henrik Sedin

About: Henrik wears #33 and plays center. He's the reigning Art Ross and Hart trophy winner and captain of the Vancouver Canucks. He currently leads the league in assists. He is always one step ahead of his brother. For instance: it looks like he'll be the first one to go bald.

Nickname(s): Hank, Captain Hook, The Brain, Kodos

My wife thinks he looks like: Daniel Sedin. It's uncanny.

If he touches the puck, expect a no-look backpass. Even if he's on a breakaway.

Expect to hear: "What a pass by Henrik!"

Don't expect to hear: "Henrik's playing like crap. That's his fourth assist on the night, but they're all second assists."

Name: Jeff Tambellini

About: Tambellini wears #10 and plays wing. He's the son of Edmonton Oilers general manager Steve Tambellini. He's a small, lightning-fast and versatile forward who has defied the odds and earned a spot in the lineup. He's listed at 5'10", a generous exaggeration, much like Ke$ha being sold in "music" stores.

Nickname(s): Tamby

My wife thinks he looks like: Former Canuck Ryan Johnson.

If he touches the puck, hope he's in his Magic Shooty Spot. He's money from there.

Expect to hear: "Can you believe the Islanders couldn't find ice time for this guy?"

Don't expect to hear: "He's so fast and small, he's difficult to follow on the ice. What if we put a microchip in him, so he would glow?"

Name: Raffi Torres

About: Torres wears #13 and plays wing. He has a fondness for bone-crunching hits. Torres has three modes. 1) skateskateskateskate 2) get puck and 3) put puck. He often doesn't put much consideration into his methods, though get puck usually involves sub-mode ram.

Nickname(s): Raffi Torrid, the Eyebrowless Ginger. But really, his given name is Raffi. Why bother with silly nicknames?

My wife thinks he looks like: Bubba the Caveduck. Also, confusion personified.

If he touches the puck, hope it's a tip in front. He's good at that. Hope it isn't while carrying the puck across the blue line. Nobody breaks up an odd-man rush like Torres.

Expect to hear: "Torres is a human bowling ball."

Don't expect to hear: "I think Torres is overthinking things."

Name: Aaron Volpatti

About: Volpatti wears #54 and plays wing. He's a fourth-line guy who plays with an edge and hits everything in sight. He's incredibly sneaky. Like Tanner Glass, he's an Ivy Leaguer; he did four years at Brown University. Just like Brown is Dartmouth-lite (at least when comparing basic science facilities, y'all), Volpatti is Tanner Glass-lite.

Nickname(s): Peppermint, the Volpaddy Wagon

My wife thinks he looks like: Jake Ryan, from Sixteen Candles.

If he touches the puck, you're probably at an open practice, watching a drill. That doesn't happen during games.

Expect to hear: "Big hit by Volpatti!"

Don't expect to hear: "Volpatti scores!"

:::::::::::::::::::: DEFENSEMEN ::::::::::::::::::::

Name: Andrew Alberts

About: Alberts wears #41. He's a 6'5" defenseman that loves to take the body. After a rough start in Vancouver, he worked on his game in the offseason and did well to make the team out of training camp. He's a solid bottom-pairing guy that will make a forward think twice about putting his head down.

Nickname(s): Andy Alby, AHLberts, NHLberts, A Minor, Barabbas

My wife thinks he looks like: Dennis Duffy, ex-boyfriend of 30 Rock's Liz Lemon and the last pager salesman in New York.

If he touches the puck, pray it's a brief touch. If this touch last longer than two seconds, he's on his ass and the opponent just got the puck back.

Expect to hear: "What a hit by Alberts!"

Don't expect to hear: "That Alberts has wheels."

Name: Keith Ballard

About: Ballard wears #4. The Canucks acquired him this offseason by trading away a first-round pick, which is a bigger deal now that the Canucks seem to know what to do with first-round picks. Ballard makes over four million a season, which is scandalous, considering he's the 5th defenseman. Ballard loves to skate the puck out of the zone. The only thing he loves more is pranks. He's a noted prankster, who once hilariously climbed into Kevin Bieksa's hockey bag. He also once hilariously bludgeoned his goaltender with his stick.

Nickname(s): Hips, Pranky, Power Ballard

My wife thinks he looks like: Snatch's Mickey O'Neil.

If he touches the puck, hope he doesn't make a mistake with it, or Vigneault will make him sit on his hands for the rest of the game.

Expect to hear: "What a hip check."

Don't expect to hear: "I'm comfortable paying $4.2 million for fifteen minutes of Keith Ballard."

Name: Kevin Bieksa

About: Bieksa wears #3. He's the most divisive defenseman Vancouver has had in some time. At his best, he could fit comfortably into any team's top four. At his worst, he does the double slide. Still, after fully recovering from two freak skate cuts that really set back his game, Bieksa's playing his best hockey, and once-skeptical fans are beginning to fall back in love.

Nickname(s): Juice, Boom Boom Bieksa

My wife thinks he looks like: Kevin Bieksa's brother.

If he touches the puck: He probably just pinched along the boards to keep the puck in. Nobody pinches as frequently as Kevin Bieksa. He's the grandma of the NHL.

Expect to hear: "Trade Bieksa! No wait, keep Bieksa!"

Don't expect to hear: "I never doubted this guy for a second."

Name: Alex Edler

About: Edler wears #23 and just might be the Canucks' number one defenseman. He's certainly the most well-rounded, capable of jumping into the rush, quarterbacking a power play, and playing a physical game. Like most Swedes, Edler hardly emotes, but consider that he has a reputation as an unemotional guy in a dressing room full of Swedes. In short, he's a cold, callous monster.

Nickname(s): Iceman, Robot, Dexter Morgan, Eddie

My wife thinks he looks like: Nick Carter.

If he touches the puck, hope he cranks it. He's got the hardest slap shot on the team.

Expect to hear: "Edler has remarkable versatility."

Don't expect to hear: "Edler has remarkable versatility as a dramatic actor."

Name: Christian Ehrhoff

About: Ehrhoff wears #5 and is one half of the Canucks' most offense-oriented defensive pairing, with Alex Edler. Ehrhoff is faster and less physical of the two, and loves to jump into the rush.

Nickname(s): Error, Hoffer, Blastoff, The Hoff

My wife thinks he looks like: John Robinson of Gus Van Sant's Elephant.

If he touches the puck, he has interpreted this touch as an open invitation to join the rush. He's gone.

Expect to hear: "Ehrhoff's caught up ice."

Don't expect to hear: "Nobody develops better hockey players than Germany."

Name: Dan Hamhuis

About: Hamhuis wears #2 and is one half of the Canucks' shutdown defensive pairing, with Kevin Bieksa. Hamhuis is a stay-at-home type who makes smart plays, has a good stick, and moves the puck out of the zone quickly. He's a strait-laced guy who does things quietly and admirably, both on and off the ice. He's noted for his Christianity and charity work.

Nickname(s): The Hammer, Hammy

My wife thinks he looks like: He's got a bit of a Mark Ruffalo thing going on.

If he touches the puck, he'll make a crisp pass out of the zone and you probably won't even notice.

Expect to hear: "Did you hear Hamhuis took less to play here? Only 4.5 million, what a guy."

Don't expect to hear: "I think Hamhuis really needs to step up his community efforts and renounce Satan."

Name: Aaron Rome

About: Rome wears #29 and is typically the seventh defenseman on the Canucks' depth chart. He's not really good at anything, but he also doesn't make a lot of mistakes. He's a solid depth guy.

Nickname(s): Aaron "Aaron Rome" Rome

My wife thinks he looks like: Launchpad McQuack.

If he touches the puck, he'll make the safe play. Rome is so conservative he doesn't school opponents--he homeschools opponents.

Expect to hear: "Aaron Rome banks the puck off the boards."

Don't expect to hear: "I thought Aaron Rome was really noticeable tonight."

Name: Sami Salo

About: Salo wears #6 and is the longest-serving member of the Canucks' blueline corps. He's a walking calamity, more prone to mysterious disaster than ships passing through the Bermuda Triangle. He's the Canucks' best defenseman when healthy, but "when healthy" is a fancy way to say "never."

Nickname(s): Casper, Sami Solo, Salpa, Mr. Glass, Hurty McOuchie

My wife thinks he looks like: The ghost of Boo Radley.

If he touches the puck, every tendon in his body just ruptured a little.

Expect to hear: "For goodness' sake, Salo, stay out of the corner!"

Don't expect to hear: "Don't worry. Jason Botchford just tweeted that Salo's okay."

Name: Chris Tanev

About: Tanev is a call-up from the Canucks' AHL affiliate, the Manitoba Moose. Only two years ago, he was playing for the Markham Waxers of the OJHL (sidenote: not OJ Simpson's hockey league). Tanev went from there to the Rochester Institute of Technology. He's the first guy to make the NHL out of their program, which is a little like making the NHL after four years at the Emily Carr Institute.

Nickname(s): Who?

My wife thinks he looks like: Battlestar Galactica's Chief Tyrol.

If he touches the puck, it's a learning opportunity for everyone.

Expect to hear: "Who is Chris Tanev? Is he Russian?"

Don't expect to hear: "I know a lot about Chris Tanev."

:::::::::::::::::::: GOALTENDERS ::::::::::::::::::::

Name: Roberto Luongo

About: Luongo wears #1, and is, appropriately, Canucks' number one goaltender. He used to be the captain, but he didn't really like it. Now he just stops pucks. He's pretty good at it. Don't listen to the people who tell you he isn't.

Nickname(s): Funny Bob, Louie, Bobby Lou,

My wife thinks he looks like: Sacha Baron Cohen.

If he touches the puck, you're supposed to yell "Looooooo!", no matter the context.

Expect to hear: He's overpaid! He's overrated! He didn't come out for his first star salute! Luongo kicks puppies!"

Don't expect to hear: "Luongo's salary is none of my business and I know nothing about the goaltending position, anyway."

Name: Cory Schneider

About: Schneider wears #35. He's the backup goaltender. Schneider has slowly worked his way up to the NHL by way of college and the AHL. He now appears ready for a full-time starting job. He won't get it in Vancouver, so he's really auditioning for a role somewhere else.

Nickname(s): Ginger Jesus, Schneids, Frecklesnoot

My wife thinks he looks like: Patrick Renna, star of The Big Green.

If he touches the puck, he just made a routine save, so brace yourself for a goaltending controversy.

Expect to hear: "Cory Schneider would have made that save. And he did. Because he's in goal tonight."

Don't expect to hear: "I miss Dany Sabourin."

Is a Canuck missing from this cheat sheet? Check the Canucks Bandwagon Fan Cheat Sheet Appendix.

Now That Morrison is Gone, Let's Try to Gather Our Wits

Did you hear the news? Like many of us suspected he might, Brendan Morrison has signed with the Calgary Flames. Their sudden dearth of quality made the move a no-brainer for Flames GM Daryl Sutter, and thank goodness. That's about the only way Sutter makes a smart move; this offseason, he's appeared so brainless he might be zombie-proof. Morrison's contract in Calgary is a happy ending to an alarming moment of silliness for Vancouver fans, who seemed to lose all sense, reason and perspective after learning of Morrison's player tryout.

There was never a place for Morrison in Vancouver. The Canucks' big weakness in the bottom-six last year was lack of size and defensive ability. Was Morrison going to fill that void? Only half of it. Vigneault has long preferred a fourth-line that can crash and bang over one that can score. Problem was that last season's 4th line crashed and banged with utter disregard for whether or not the puck was going into their net. AV wanted better energy guys, not bottom-line offense. Morrison couldn't be that.

I gave in to the local hype not long after Skeeter tried to quell it, arguing that Morrison might be the ultimate depth guy. This was Morrison's argument as well. But wing depth is not something we were lacking either. Jannik Hansen and Jeff Tambellini are already going to be fighting one another to be the official utility winger. They're just as fleet of foot as Morrison, capable of offense, much more likely to throw a body-check, and already under contract. They showed they could play, and Morrison was superfluous there too.

One could argue that, if you play well enough, the team makes room for you. This is true, but Morrison didn't play well enough. He had one great game, one good game, and the others were forgettable. And yet, despite the reality (which I suspect most of us saw and ignored) that Brendan Morrison didn't deserve a contract here, the city of Vancouver was up in arms this weekend when he didn't get one. The Canucks message board exploded with doom-and-gloom posts so dumb I can't quote most of them without dulling my wit to comprehend them. If you're feeling brave, there's a lot of fun stuff in here. Even the media couldn't help but frown and bluster: "With Morrison out, looks again like Canucks have 4th line that wont score. Vigneault will love it. Then playoffs. Madden was CHI 4th line C," Iain MacIntyre tweeted dourly. Everyone was pissed. I had a slough of Vancouver fans tell me that the Canucks were stupid not to sign him, but they were speaking from their hearts, not from their heads.

Ian Walker summed it up nicely:

The 35-year-old former Canuck wasn't expected be out of work long, and I for one am glad it happened sooner than later. The dude is a class act all the way and it was hard not to feel for the guy throughout training camp. Here he was trying to extend his career while his wife was at home, schooling his three young children out of the family's rented two-bedroom townhouse. Now I know I'm going to get skewered for saying that as a lot of people wish they had Morrison's problems. But those people are missing the point. As anyone with a family can attest, you want the best for them. And when they're missing out on things because your job is up in the air, well, I'm just saying I'm sympathetic to the cause.

Despite our best efforts to pretend he did, Morrison didn't fit here. We just refused to face it because we liked him so much. B-Mo? He was that friend from back in the day who needed a place to stay. We didn't have a room for him, but we felt so bad for him we almost let him crash on the couch. Yes. Brendan Morrison was Dupree, and we narrowly lost sight of ourselves with him around.

Folks, let us finally let Brendan Morrison go. Be glad he's moved on to Calgary because, just like when an old college buddy visits from out of town, we all got a little silly with him around.

Canucks Training Camp Roster VII

Apparently unaware that the Sabbath is a day of rest, Alain Vigneault and his staff answered a lot of questions on Sunday about the opening night lineup. Sent to the minors were Victor Oreskovich and the Sweatt brothers (forward Billy and defenseman Lee), and Brendan Morrison was released from his player tryout. And if that wasn't enough for you on a weekend afternoon, AV went on the record, stating that the Canucks' would open the season with a fourth line consisting of Alex Bolduc between Guillaume Desbiens and Tanner Glass.

It's no surprise about the Sweatt brothers. I wold argue that both Billy and Lee have NHL talent, but neither is quite ready for regular action. Ironically, Lee the defenseman needs to work on his defensive coverage, and Billy the forward needs to work on his hands. Still, Billy's checking speed and Lee's poise and puck-moving ability are excellent assets to have down on the farm. They're sure to make that team better, as well as push one another to see which can get to the NHL level first. Here's hoping we see another brother tandem on the Canucks someday soon. We seem to have good success with brothers.

Victor Oreskovich's demotion was a disappointment, but he'll play games with the Canucks this season. Count on that. He has great skating ability and he hits like a truck, but his defensive coverage was suspect. Oreskovich is a real wild-card and could have paid off in spades, but I like that Vigneault and the coaching staff avoided the risky, sexy pick and went with big guys they were confident weren't going to get scored on.

Brendan Morrison's release is really disappointing, both for fans and for B-Mo himself. But, like Skeeter said earlier in the preseason, the only available job is one he wasn't quite cut out for. He could have brought wing depth, but so can Jannik Hansen and Jeff Tambellini, who were already Canucks property. Unlike Edmonton, Vancouver is aware you can only have so many small forwards under contract, and Morrison's lack of a contract coming into training camp made it easy not to give him one. Here's hoping he can land on his feet somewhere. As much as it pains me to say it, Calgary would be a good fit for him.

There are a few more questions, but they're all likely be resolved in exactly the way we think they will. Joel Perrault, Eddie Lack, and Cody Hodgson are more than likely headed to Manitoba. Peter Schaefer is more than likely being released. But, if Alex Burrows goes on LTI, and with Rypien hurt to start the season, the Canucks could keep 15 of the 17 forwards below. Something to think about if you're wondering, like I am, why Hodgson hasn't yet been spotted at YVR. Here are the 28 guys who remain in training camp.

Forwards (17)
Alex Bolduc, Alex Burrows, Guillaume Desbiens, Tanner Glass, Jannik Hansen, Cody Hodgson, Ryan Kesler, Manny Malhotra, Joel Perrault, Mason Raymond, Rick Rypien, Mikael Samuelsson, Peter Schaefer, Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin, Jeff Tambellini, Raffi Torres.

Defensemen (8)
Andrew Alberts, Keith Ballard, Kevin Bieksa, Alex Edler, Christian Ehrhoff, Dan Hamhuis, Aaron Rome, Sami Salo.

Goalies (3)
Eddie Lack, Roberto Luongo, Cory Schneider.

Canucks Training Camp Roster VI

In this visual metaphor, Ryan Hollweg is Darcy Hordichuk, and Darcy Hordichuk is the harsh reality of the new NHL.

We're a little late on the draw here but I just found out that, before the Anaheim game, the Canucks sent two more players down to Manitoba: Sergei Shirokov and Yann Sauve. As well, since our last roster update, Shane O'Brien and Darcy Hordichuk were put on waivers in what might have been the most shocking moves of the preseason, for some. Skeeter and I kinda figured. I don't think the Canucks were ever happy with Shane O'Brien's play here, and his ticket out of town was punched when Andrew Alberts proved he could provide what the Canucks acquired him for. Hordichuk lost his job two years ago when the NHL changed and he didn't, but, like Office Space's Milton Waddams, he somehow stuck around doing nothing. We wish he and his red Swingline stapler all the best in Manitoba. Skeeter has more on these two big-time demotions.

Shirokov and Sauve's causes for demotion are completely opposite. Sauve never even got a chance: he was in a car accident that left him unable to play for the time being. It sucks for him as he never got a chance to show the Canucks what he could do or how he'd improved. On the bright side, it was the sort of car accident one can walk away from and, as car accidents go, that's all you can really hope for.

Shirokov, on the other hand, was given every opportunity. It seems to me the Canucks figured he'd make the opening night roster, much like he did last year. The hope was that a year in the AHL had given him a new defensive awareness and ability to play North American-style hockey. The Canucks gave him a training regimen to follow over the summer, optimistic he'd follow it. Unfortunately, Shirokov didn't, instead becoming the fourth player in the Gillis era to have his conditioning publicly decried. Like Cody Hodgson (who spent the summer rehabbing his back rather than eating Arby's on it), he'll have to get himself back to NHL shape before he can challenge for the right to live in a hotel in Vancouver.

This leaves the Canucks with 32 guys on the training camp roster, below, and now the real questions begin. You'll notice that Alex Burrows and Sami Salo are still on these lists. That's by design, as they have to be put on the original 23-man roster before they can be put on Long-term injury and gives the Canucks the cap relief. You have to believe that's the plan.

On defense, that means that the opening night seven are basically set. Lee Sweatt will be sent down to Manitoba, and Aaron Rome will occupy the pressbox. The other six are the six you'll see. We can only hope that, among those six, Juice and Hips find different partners than one another.

At forward, questions continue to linger. Alex Burrows aside, the Canucks can keep twelve forwards with the club. The rest have to be sent down or waived before one of them can be brought back up. We know that Kesler, Malhotra, Raymond, Samuelsson, the Sedins and Raffi Torres are safe. The other five spots are a toss-up. I'm sure there will be at least one decision in the next week that will stir a hearty debate between Skeeter and I. For example: it could be argued that one of Peter Schaefer and Brendan Morrison could be offered a contract. Who and why?

Here are the remaining 32 guys:

Forwards (20)
Alex Bolduc, Alex Burrows, Guillaume Desbiens, Tanner Glass, Jannik Hansen, Cody Hodgson, Ryan Kesler, Manny Malhotra, Brendan Morrison, Victor Oreskovich, Joel Perrault, Mason Raymond, Rick Rypien, Mikael Samuelsson, Peter Schaefer, Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin, Bill Sweatt, Jeff Tambellini, Raffi Torres.

Defensemen (9)
Andrew Alberts, Keith Ballard, Kevin Bieksa, Alex Edler, Christian Ehrhoff, Dan Hamhuis, Aaron Rome, Sami Salo, Lee Sweatt.

Goalies (3)
Eddie Lack, Roberto Luongo, Cory Schneider.

Shane O'Brien and Darcy Hordichuk on Waivers

As originally reported by Michael Russo and confirmed by Dan Murphy, Shane O'Brien and Darcy Hordichuk have been put on waivers by the Vancouver Canucks. According to Bruce Garrioch, Mike Gillis tried to deal SOB, but failed to find any takers.

As I said in yesterday's post on enforcers, I saw no need for Darcy Hordichuk in the lineup. He's been badly outplayed by other potential 4th-line players. Even Guillaume Desbiens has been better than Hordichuk. And while he's a great team guy, I made the argument that we don't need him if all he will do is fight other heavyweight enforcers around the league. There's no room on the team for someone who can't play hockey.

It's tough to hear that Shane "Pain Lion" O'Brien, because we honestly like the guy. I think he has far more skill than he was initially given credit for and he's great at protecting the puck in the defensive and offensive zone. He was, however, outplayed in the preseason by Andrew "Give Us Barrabas" Alberts. Alberts is cheaper, bigger, and won't give the Canucks the PR concerns that Shane "Meet Me at the Roxy" O'Brien did last season. Still, SOB is a solid 6th defenceman and will likely get picked up on waivers.

That gives the Canucks the following defencemen:

Hamhuis - Edler

Ballard - Ehrhoff

Bieksa - Alberts

Rome

LTIR: Salo

Canucks Training Camp Roster V

Are you ready for a huge round of shocking cuts? Here goes. According to the Vancouver Canucks Twitter account, Mario Bliznak, Kevin Connauton, Evan Oberg, Prab Rai, Jordan Schroeder, Chris Tanev, Aaron Volpatti have been assigned to the Moose, while Travis Ramsay, who does not have a contract with Vancouver, has been released to them outright. Also, Tyler Weiman is on waivers, which is understandable. While there is a goaltending battle brewing for the second spot, Weiman wasn't a part of it, and he'll back up either Schneider or, more likely, Lack, depending on what happens in these last two games.

As for the rest of them, there are very few unexpected moves here. Let's start on defense: Kevin Connauton showed he's nearly NHL-ready and might be in lie for a callup this season, but his defensive coverage needs to catch up to his offensive acumen before he can be considered a Canuck. Chris Tanev simply needs more seasoning, but he showed some promise. Evan Oberg, who surprised last year and was one of the Canucks' first defensive callups, seems to have either regressed, or worse, shrunk. It will be worth watching if he can get back to last year's level of play. I don't even remember Travis Ramsey, but he was never Canucks property, so that's okay.

As for the forwards, I thought Bliznak had moments, but that's all--he's not an NHL regular. He's a valuable checker when the game isn't too fast for him, so Manitoba will love him. Prab Rai, like Chris Tanev, needs more seasoning, but he got me more excited for him than I was prior to training camp. He'll come through Abbotsford a few times this season. Expect the Lower Mainland's high Indo-Canadian population to go nuts for him. I'm a bit bummed about Aaron Volpatti, who had such a great prospects camp, but, again, he was seven years older than most of those kids. Against men, he just didn't have it. He might be in line for a callup later on this year.

The big surprise is Jordan Schroeder. He was quiet during prospects camp and the early stages of training camp, but I really felt like he got his legs under him in the Anaheim game. He scored a goal, showed some good hands, and demonstrated his NHL skating. I guess it was too little, too late, however. Don't worry, Canuck fans: Schroeder will be a top-line guy in Manitoba, and he'll be in the NHL soon enough.

Now it gets interesting. This leaves the Canucks with 36 guys in training camp, below:

Forwards (22)
Alex Bolduc, Alex Burrows, Guillaume Desbiens, Tanner Glass, Jannik Hansen, Cody Hodgson, Darcy Hordichuk, Ryan Kesler, Manny Malhotra, Brendan Morrison, Victor Oreskovich, Joel Perrault, Mason Raymond, Rick Rypien, Mikael Samuelsson, Peter Schaefer, Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin, Sergei Shirokov, Bill Sweatt, Jeff Tambellini, Raffi Torres.

Defensemen (11)
Andrew Alberts, Keith Ballard, Kevin Bieksa, Alex Edler, Christian Ehrhoff, Dan Hamhuis, Shane O’Brien, Aaron Rome, Sami Salo, Yann Sauve, Lee Sweatt.

Goalies (3)
Eddie Lack, Roberto Luongo, Cory Schneider.

Canucks Training Camp Roster IV

Edit: apparently, according to Sportsnet, the Canucks have also placed defensemen Nolan Baumgartner and Sean Zimmerman on waivers. Zimmerman I know nothing about, so he likely deserved it, but for Baumgartner, well, my heart goes out to him. Baumer is a great team guy with the skill set of an all-star--unfortunately, an AHL all-star. He's also a savvy veteran, so he kind of saw this coming, but nobody likes to predict their own demise. His consolation prize is the captaincy in Manitoba, but you've got to think he'd trade it in for a longer sniff of the big leagues. His other consolation prize? He and Wade Redden can meet up at that Burger King in Hartford way more often now.

According to Kristin Reid's Twitter, The Canucks have made one cut this Saturday, sending defenseman Taylor Ellington back to Manitoba. If, like me, you forgot that Taylor Ellington was even at training camp, you're not alone. The Canucks management felt the same way, which is why he's been sent down. But let's not be too hard on the kid. Ellington is still young, and it's not his fault that he was selected in the Draft of Many Tears (an accurate name for Dave Nonis's 2007 prospect selections), or that his game was a lot more tailor-made (pun resisted) for the old NHL than the new one. Ellington is an unflashy, bank-it-off-the-glass sort of defenceman, and he's going to have a hard time standing out in a training camp guys the likes of Lee Sweatt, Kevin Connauton, and Chris Tanev, who aren't allergic to the puck. There's still a place for a player of Ellington's ilk, but he needs to be absolutely rock-solid and a lot more hitty to be an NHLer. Ellington isn't there yet, which is why he isn't here now; he'll likely be a shutdown defenseman for the Moose this season.

This leaves the Canucks with 45 guys in training camp, below:

Forwards (26)
Mario Bliznak, Alex Bolduc, Alex Burrows, Guillaume Desbiens, Tanner Glass, Jannik Hansen, Cody Hodgson, Darcy Hordichuk, Ryan Kesler, Manny Malhotra, Brendan Morrison, Victor Oreskovich, Joel Perrault, Prab Rai, Mason Raymond, Rick Rypien, Mikael Samuelsson, Peter Schaefer, Jordan Schroeder, Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin, Sergei Shirokov, Bill Sweatt, Jeff Tambellini, Raffi Torres, Aaron Volpatti.

Defensemen (15)
Andrew Alberts, Keith Ballard, Kevin Bieksa, Kevin Connauton, Alex Edler, Christian Ehrhoff, Dan Hamhuis, Shane O’Brien, Evan Oberg, Travis Ramsey, Aaron Rome, Sami Salo, Yann Sauve, Lee Sweatt, Chris Tanev.

Goalies (4)
Eddie Lack, Roberto Luongo, Cory Schneider, and Tyler Weiman.