Belated Fantasy Hockey Monday: Week Three

Jason made this awesomely awful logo for me. Thank you.

I'm sure you were all wondering why I hadn't posted my weekly fantasy hockey update. Surely, without hearing about my fantasy hockey teams, your Monday was incomplete and you have wandered through the last few days in an existential void, unsure of whether this world held any meaning and value.

Quite frankly, I wanted to avoid an update this week as I lost every single matchup. Badly. I wanted to do everything in my power to avoid thinking about how badly I lost. I didn't want to share the evidence of how terrible I am at fantasy hockey.

But, one of those loses was to my wife, and she was legitimately upset that I didn't write about it. And, since today is our wedding anniversary, I feel obligated to detail the extensiveness of her victory. That will come up in my Pool Three recap, but first...

Pool One - Office Pool

Team: Aldergrove Awesome

Week Three Result: 4-8-1 Loss

This first loss was the most frustrating, as my players actually performed fairly well. Looking across the rest of the league this week, my team would have won if they had been matched up against almost any other team. But instead, I was up against the Celery Cap Specials, who dropped me to 9th in the league with a 15-22-2 record.

My goalies were good, but my opponent had Tim Thomas's 2 shutouts. I had six players who put up multiple assists; my opponent had nine. Mike Knuble chipped in a shorthanded assist and often one shorthanded point is enough to win that category: my opponent got shorthanded points from Nicklas Backstrom and David Perron. On the positive side, I won in goals, penalty minutes, shots-on-goal, and hits. Ed Jovanovski led the way with 12 shots and 4 hits, with Taylor Hall being the main offensive contributor with 2 goals and 2 assists.

A look at the team stats for the league reveals that I'm near average in all of the categories for skaters and near the bottom in all of the goalie categories. It's still early, but I might need to look into a trade...

Pool Two - Nucks Misconduct

Team: I Miss Kyle Wellwood

Week Three Result: 2-7-1 Loss

Two syllables: bru-tal. My goaltending trio of Roloson, Mason, and Bernier was, unsurprisingly, not very good. Not that it matter, because my opponent had Tim Thomas and Roberto Luongo, who put up 3 wins, a 1.00 GAA, a .966 SV%, and 2 shutouts. I didn't have a hope of winning those categories.

I managed to win in goals thanks to Tomas Plekanec scoring 3 on his own and, for the first time in any of my pools, I won in +/-, despite Blake Comeau going -5 for the week. Dan Boyle, Tobias Enstrom, and Steven Stamkos were the main contributors there. Otherwise, everyone was terrible. I'm going to try to forget this week happened, as it dropped me below .500 to a 12-13-5 record. Considering this team had 2 straight victories prior to this debacle, I'm hopeful that this is just an unfortunate confluence of events.

Pool Three - Friends Pool

Team: Emily Carr Echidnas

Week Three Result: 3-6-1 Loss

After my wife's awesomely named team, The Pain Lions, dismantled my Echidnas, she had one thing to say: "Really, you beat yourself." Thanks, wife. I'm glad you think that I have mismanaged my team and thus caused my own downfall. Of course, what she meant by that is that I have taught her everything she knows about hockey in general and fantasy hockey in particular and have therefore, by proxy, defeated myself this week.

Of course, the former is basically true as well. Tell me this: if you had the choice of a goalie tandem of either Ilya Bryzgalov and Miikka Kiprusoff or Michael Neuvirth and Antero Niittymaki, who would you choose? It would be obvious, right? Not this week: Neuvirth put up 2 wins, including a shutout, to go with a 1.34 GAA and .947 SV%, while Niittymaki got a win himself with a 2.00 GAA and a .931 SV%. Kiprusoff (or rather, the Flames) imploded, leaving Kiprusoff with a bloated 5.08 GAA and a meager .831 SV%. Bryzgalov was better, but not enough to make a difference.

I do have a third goalie, Brent Johnson of the Pittsburgh Penguins, who was still available in free agency. He had a shutout last week. I could have started him in place of Miikka Kiprusoff on Saturday, but I wasn't sure if he or Marc-André Fleury would get the start. So I went with Kiprusoff, who had a wonderful .778 SV% against the Washington Capitals that day. Fantastic.

On the positive side, Patrick Marleau put up 5 points and was a +6 this week, Nathan Horton almost single-handedly won the penalty minutes category with 17, and Steven Stamkos, Martin St. Louis, and Tomas Plekanec continue to be excellent. And, thankfully, Alex Burrows is back. Oddly enough, I won the +/- category in this pool as well, with a sparkling +13. Thank you Patrick Marleau. That actually puts me at the top of the league in that category, which is meaningless as I'm third from the bottom of the league in the actual standings.

Ugh.

Saying Goodbye to the Pain Lion

When I first heard the Canucks had placed Shane O'Brien on waivers, I got sad. Not sad because I ever particularly liked his play. Sad because I particularly liked Shane O'Brien. I thought about writing this post a couple days ago, but my frown turned upside-down when I heard he had gone unclaimed on the waiver wire. Ever fond of the Pain Lion, I was ecstatic to learn he would remain Canucks property. Sadly, it appears Mike Gillis was never quite as fond of the guy as I was, and he deemed Manitoba too close. Especially in his proximity to the newest overweight whipping-boy Sergei Shirokov.

I suspect that having party boy Shane O'Brien in the same dressing room as all the Canucks prospects was a little like putting a Hershey's vending machine near the snack table of a Weight Watchers meeting. So, Gillis traded Shane O'Brien to Nashville, and I think Shane O'Brien's okay with that. There are lots of cowboy hats at the Roxy. He'll feel at home.

O'Brien joins the Predators organization, along with afterthought Dan Gendur, recently sent to the ECHL by the Moose. In exchange, the Canucks acquire Ryan "Suddenly a Journeyman" Parent and Swedish forward Jonas "Who?" Andersson. But whatever about those guys. Today is about Shane O'Brien. It's time to say goodbye.

Longtime readers of Pass it to Bulis (such as Skeeter, myself, and our wives) might know that we call Shane O'Brien The Pain Lion. Why? Well, it was far and away the worst suggestion for a new Shane O'Brien nickname following his fight with Wayne Simmonds and subsequent party last postseason. We at PiTB compiled all the terrible nicknames into one of our favourite posts of all time, Forum Fun! New Monikers For Shane O'Brien. Here are some highlights:

Shane "Double Guns" O'Brien
suggested by: rkoshack
Not sure if it's the most creative, but it does describe that time he flashed the double guns.

Shane "Pain Lion" O'Brien
suggested by: Godzilla Deuce
I am going to guess that a "pain lion" is a lion that is known to inflict pain. If such a thing existed, perhaps this nickname would make a little more sense. As it is, I, uh, don't know what to say. It's a bad suggestion, yet I feel strangely compelled to take it for myself.

Mean SOB
suggested by: Jester13
Jester13 added, "I mean seriously, am I the only one making the son of a you know what connection?" Is this guy new here?

Yes, a legend was born out of that fight. A legend at least one guy suggested be known as The Pain Lion. And we agreed. Ironically.

But there was more. Last season was Shane O'Brien's best from a personality standpoint. He was all over the place in the playoffs, which might not be good if you're a defenseman, but I digress. Terry Murray called him a clown. He briefly transmogrified into a blood unicorn. He was far and away the most visibly emotional Canuck during the playoffs--a time when players are unfairly expected to exhibit unreal calm.

We identified with Shane O'Brien because he was as bad at being robotic as Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man. He had a big mouth, which meant good quotes (especially out of context) and a huge smile (especially when he scored). He also partied hard--maybe half as hard as Andrew W.K, which is still quite hard. He struggled with his weight, he was late for practices, his actions often required apologies, and he was completely aware of his flaws. He was one of us.

Without Wellwood, Bernier, and especially O'Brien, this year's Canucks seem to lack a guy who can't seem to get his crap together. A guy with major character flaws. A normal guy. Yes, Shane O'Brien was a goofy slob, but that made him like me, and I'll miss that connection.

Canucks Training Camp Roster VI

In this visual metaphor, Ryan Hollweg is Darcy Hordichuk, and Darcy Hordichuk is the harsh reality of the new NHL.

We're a little late on the draw here but I just found out that, before the Anaheim game, the Canucks sent two more players down to Manitoba: Sergei Shirokov and Yann Sauve. As well, since our last roster update, Shane O'Brien and Darcy Hordichuk were put on waivers in what might have been the most shocking moves of the preseason, for some. Skeeter and I kinda figured. I don't think the Canucks were ever happy with Shane O'Brien's play here, and his ticket out of town was punched when Andrew Alberts proved he could provide what the Canucks acquired him for. Hordichuk lost his job two years ago when the NHL changed and he didn't, but, like Office Space's Milton Waddams, he somehow stuck around doing nothing. We wish he and his red Swingline stapler all the best in Manitoba. Skeeter has more on these two big-time demotions.

Shirokov and Sauve's causes for demotion are completely opposite. Sauve never even got a chance: he was in a car accident that left him unable to play for the time being. It sucks for him as he never got a chance to show the Canucks what he could do or how he'd improved. On the bright side, it was the sort of car accident one can walk away from and, as car accidents go, that's all you can really hope for.

Shirokov, on the other hand, was given every opportunity. It seems to me the Canucks figured he'd make the opening night roster, much like he did last year. The hope was that a year in the AHL had given him a new defensive awareness and ability to play North American-style hockey. The Canucks gave him a training regimen to follow over the summer, optimistic he'd follow it. Unfortunately, Shirokov didn't, instead becoming the fourth player in the Gillis era to have his conditioning publicly decried. Like Cody Hodgson (who spent the summer rehabbing his back rather than eating Arby's on it), he'll have to get himself back to NHL shape before he can challenge for the right to live in a hotel in Vancouver.

This leaves the Canucks with 32 guys on the training camp roster, below, and now the real questions begin. You'll notice that Alex Burrows and Sami Salo are still on these lists. That's by design, as they have to be put on the original 23-man roster before they can be put on Long-term injury and gives the Canucks the cap relief. You have to believe that's the plan.

On defense, that means that the opening night seven are basically set. Lee Sweatt will be sent down to Manitoba, and Aaron Rome will occupy the pressbox. The other six are the six you'll see. We can only hope that, among those six, Juice and Hips find different partners than one another.

At forward, questions continue to linger. Alex Burrows aside, the Canucks can keep twelve forwards with the club. The rest have to be sent down or waived before one of them can be brought back up. We know that Kesler, Malhotra, Raymond, Samuelsson, the Sedins and Raffi Torres are safe. The other five spots are a toss-up. I'm sure there will be at least one decision in the next week that will stir a hearty debate between Skeeter and I. For example: it could be argued that one of Peter Schaefer and Brendan Morrison could be offered a contract. Who and why?

Here are the remaining 32 guys:

Forwards (20)
Alex Bolduc, Alex Burrows, Guillaume Desbiens, Tanner Glass, Jannik Hansen, Cody Hodgson, Ryan Kesler, Manny Malhotra, Brendan Morrison, Victor Oreskovich, Joel Perrault, Mason Raymond, Rick Rypien, Mikael Samuelsson, Peter Schaefer, Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin, Bill Sweatt, Jeff Tambellini, Raffi Torres.

Defensemen (9)
Andrew Alberts, Keith Ballard, Kevin Bieksa, Alex Edler, Christian Ehrhoff, Dan Hamhuis, Aaron Rome, Sami Salo, Lee Sweatt.

Goalies (3)
Eddie Lack, Roberto Luongo, Cory Schneider.

Shane O'Brien and Darcy Hordichuk on Waivers

As originally reported by Michael Russo and confirmed by Dan Murphy, Shane O'Brien and Darcy Hordichuk have been put on waivers by the Vancouver Canucks. According to Bruce Garrioch, Mike Gillis tried to deal SOB, but failed to find any takers.

As I said in yesterday's post on enforcers, I saw no need for Darcy Hordichuk in the lineup. He's been badly outplayed by other potential 4th-line players. Even Guillaume Desbiens has been better than Hordichuk. And while he's a great team guy, I made the argument that we don't need him if all he will do is fight other heavyweight enforcers around the league. There's no room on the team for someone who can't play hockey.

It's tough to hear that Shane "Pain Lion" O'Brien, because we honestly like the guy. I think he has far more skill than he was initially given credit for and he's great at protecting the puck in the defensive and offensive zone. He was, however, outplayed in the preseason by Andrew "Give Us Barrabas" Alberts. Alberts is cheaper, bigger, and won't give the Canucks the PR concerns that Shane "Meet Me at the Roxy" O'Brien did last season. Still, SOB is a solid 6th defenceman and will likely get picked up on waivers.

That gives the Canucks the following defencemen:

Hamhuis - Edler

Ballard - Ehrhoff

Bieksa - Alberts

Rome

LTIR: Salo

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Flames, September 21, 2010

Some highlights from the game we didn't watch.

I Watched This Game is a recurring feature on Pass it to Bulis!, chronicling the observations and insights of some guys who watched a hockey game.

Tonight was a slow-burning torture for two diehard Canuck fans like Skeeter and I, and not because the Canucks lost two games concurrently. Rather, because we knew that, the whole time we were watching them play, we were also missing them play somewhere else. The reason this was so painful is because we have spent the entire summer waiting for a Canucks hockey game, only to miss a Canucks hockey game as soon as one occurred. To wit: it's like those old-school popsicles that were actually two popsicles, and while you're eating one as fast as you can, the other is melting in your hand. Let's move on to the game. The one that we watched. The one played in Calgary. The one shown on television.

We watched that game. We watched it hard. Here is what we observed:

• Jannik Hansen was outstanding in the first period and invisible for most of the rest of the game. Perhaps he misread the calendar in the dressing room and thought the 2nd period was in October? The goal he scored was pretty nice, though. Tambellini made a nifty back-pass to give Hansen the yawning cage, and he didn't disappoint. He also didn't disappoint in his intermission interview, in which he sounded and looked like a baby bird clamoring for a mother bird to vomit worms into his mouth.
• Tanner Glass was on the powerplay, which is almost inexcusable, but better there than the third line.
• Marco Rosa looked pretty good and played a solid two-way game. His defensive work was overshadowed by his wrap-around goal and the stickwork he did to get himself there. I saw a couple other dangles as well. Did I forget about this guy in my centers that could make the 4th line post? Probably not. I'm very thorough, and he doesn't have a contract with the Canucks. That means he'll have to outplay Brendan Morrison to get one. Unlikely.
• Shorty: "There's a problem with the Glass in the Canucks zone." At least he's not on the third line.
• Eddie Lack was outstanding tonight. He earned first star honours in only two periods of play. His positioning was solid and his size did the rest. The Stork, as he is nicknamed, brought a bundle of joy to our hearts.... I just fired myself.
• Underrated preseason battle: Alex Burrows vs. John Garrett for the color man job. Garrett better watch it, or he'll be riding the bus in Victoria.
• Glass was decent on the penalty kill, which is a much better place for him than, say, the third line.
• Joel Perrault didn't really do much tonight. That's unfortunate, as he was on the top line, and he's supposed to be fighting for that fourth-line center spot. He's already losing the battle of goodwill to B-Mo. He might need to lose some teeth and doctor his birth certificate so it looks like he's from Pitt Meadows or something. Skeeter: "Are you saying people from Pitt Meadows don't have teeth?" Me: "Not the ones I've dated." Gimme some!
• Andrew "Give Us Barabbas" Alberts and Shane "Pain Lion" O'Brien both had good games tonight, and it wasn't just because all the other NHL defencemen weren't in the lineup. Keith Ballard was there, and he was kind of awful tonight. It was a sobering performance which is good, because there were beers aplenty and someone had to drive home. He was especially bad on the Backlund goal, where he backchecked like Todd Bertuzzi and skated about as fast as, well, me. Which is to say, deceptively slow.
• Tanner "Anywhere But on the Third Line" Glass has a nice mullet. Also: he shouldn't play on the third line.
• Darcy Hordichuk played like a man possessed tonight. Sadly, a man possessed with a spirit. Not with skill. He played like it was the playoffs, but fought the puck like it was George Parros. He had an opportunity with a wide-open net, on a rebound, and put it wide. Also: he hits like Tanner Glass (who, in case you're skimming, has fourth-line potential only.)
• I've liked what I've been hearing about Adam Polasek leading up to this game, but I definitely didn't like his brutal misplay on a cross-ice pass that let Jarome Iginla walk in and score the game-winner on poor, defenseless Tyler Weiman.
• Raffi Torres apparently scored a goal in the other Canucks-Flames game. I sincerely hope he makes that third line, because it might stop Tanner Glass from doing so.

Every Goal, Defenseman Edition: All the Other Guys

Shane O'Brien only scored one goal last year, but it was a pretty one.

Last year's Canuck defense corps scored 42 of the team's 268 goals. These guys scored 11 of them, so I've lumped them all together. Earlier this week, we covered Christian Ehrhoff, Sami Salo, Alex Edler & Kevin Bieksa. Last weekend, we took a run at the Canucks' second line, covering Mason Raymond, Ryan Kesler, and Mikael Samuelsson. This weekend we'll be looking at Daniel and Henrik Sedin. Up today: Willie Mitchell (4 goals), Shane O'Brien (2), Mathieu Schneider (2), Andrew Alberts (1), Nolan Baumgartner (1), and Brad Lukowich (1).

Willie Mitchell

1. Oct. 5 vs. the Columbus Blue Jackets (3)

Mitchell's first goal of a career-high four last season comes off some excellent work by Mikael Samuelsson, who draws three defenders to himself and protects the puck before dishing off to Mitchell for an uncontested slapshot from the point. Mitchell's shot doesn't seem particularly hard, but it's precise, and you can hear it ping off the post before it hits the back of the net.

2. Oct. 11 vs. the Dallas Stars (4)

Here, Mitchell picks up a rebound in front of the net after Henrik Sedin's centering pass misses its mark. Early in the season, this was a nice sign: Canucks defenseman were encouraged to come in from the blue line for passes from behind the net and rebound opportunities. Even reliable ol' Bill Pickle found the blue ice from time to time.

3. Dec. 3 vs. the Philadelphia Flyers (15)

Tanner Glass does much of the legwork in this one, bringing the puck to the net hard, and narrowly avoiding bowling over Brian "The Mighty Boosh" Boucher. Boucher still feels he's interfered with, but Glass also sells his efforts to avoid interference. Mitchell drifts in from the point, again, and picks up the rebound on his backhand, shoveling it home.

4. Jan. 16 vs. the Pittsburgh Penguins (23)

I forgot that, in the last game Willie Mitchell played in a Canucks uniform, the game in which Evgeni Malkin cut his season short with a cheap hit from behind, Mitchell also scored his prettiest goal of the season. It's a shame he had to get hurt because he reached a career-high in goals in just 48 games. He might have scored more. Anyway, here, he sneaks in from the point to be the recipient of a beautiful back-door pass from Henrik Sedin, and he finishes the play with a nifty little move to the backhand. Here's hoping he can continue to do stuff like this in LA (just not against us).

Mathieu Schneider

1. Oct. 27 vs. the Red Wings (7)

Schneider's first of two goals as a Canuck comes in exactly the way we thought he'd score a bunch last season. Playing the left point on the power play, he takes the pass, and absolutely rips a slap shot past Jimmy Howard. It was Schneider's 100th career power play goal, but the only one he scored as a Canuck.

2. Nov. 14 vs. the Avalanche (8)

Schneider's second goal as a Canuck is identical to his first, except that it comes on even-strength. Kyle Wellwood and Alex Burrows provide screens, and Schneider shows nice patience waiting for them to get there and a lane to open up. He looked like he was going to be money from the left point, but sadly, this is all she wrote, and he never netted another one for us.

Shane O'Brien

1. Dec. 20 vs. the St. Louis Blues (18)

Okay, wait, what? This goal is incredible and I absolutely forgot about it. This is no fluke, as O'Brien sees the defense floating away from the net, and gets in behind them. Raymond and Samuelsson work well together here, and Samuelsson's pass is a downright magical piece of vision. The fanfare after the goal is nice too, as this is O'Brien's first score in 166 games. It shows: as beautiful as this goal is, O'Brien only just barely gets it past Mason.

2. Mar. 20 vs. the Detroit Red Wings (36)

Shane O'Brien's 2nd goal of the season comes after some excellent board works by Kyle Wellwood. He's getting the crap kicked out of him, but he still manages to maintain control and get the puck to Mason Raymond. Raymond makes a nice pass to O'Brien, who wrists it past Howard. Not a chance Howard sees that puck, as Jannik Hansen's body is opaque.

Nolan Baumgartner

1. Feb. 12 vs. the Columbus Blue Jackets (29)

Baumgartner, an all-star AHL defenseman with pretty good vision and offensive awareness, sneaks in from the point and receives a beautiful cross-ice pass from Alex Burrows, who I have already taken great pains through this series to laud for his underrated passing abilities. Burrows is more than just a lucky grinder who gets to work with the Sedins. He creates goals with his vision as well. In this case, Baumgartner is the benefactor of Burrows' gem of a feed.

Andrew Alberts

1. Apr. 8 vs. the San Jose Sharks (40)

Alberts' first and only goal as a Canuck comes on a point shot from a Mason Raymond feed. Alberts does well to receive the pass and put the puck on net quickly, although I've seen Kyle Wellwood shoot harder than that. The puck goes off Douglas Murray's skate and past Nabokov. It's a goal, though it does little to elucidate A Minor's gifts, which, apart from his general enormity (pictured here) are somewhat still TBA. I hope my wife eventually gives me a 6'6" son. I'll get him into hockey, where he'll get paid solely for being gigantic, talented or otherwise. Note: since my wife and I are about the size of the last two nesting dolls in a set, this is unlikely.

Brad Lukowich

1. Jan. 25 vs. the Buffalo Sabres (26)

By now, Lukowich's goal is legendary, as it might be considered one of the best Sedin plays of last year (I ranked it #2 in our inaugural post, the best of the Sedins, way back in April). It was an amazing piece of wizardous sedinerie, and I think we all agree that anybody could have scored it, even Jonathan Cheechoo. I am especially fond of Lukowich's tribute to TLC's "Waterfalls" after scoring the goal. It's a shame he spent so little time with the big club, because I liked him.

Arbitration May Be Good to Mason Raymond, Bad for Shane O'Brien

You might have already heard that the Canucks have qualified eight restricted free agents. Maybe you don't know exactly what that means. If so, you're not alone. But, as far as I understand, the qualifying offer is an 105% increase on what players made the previous year which, when tendered, retains their private negotiation rights. From there, the player and the team can bicker over what the actual contract will be.

And bicker they will. Few people care, I would imagine, what Tanner Glass will be paid. A lot more people care what Mason Raymond will make, because the arguments vary from between 2 million and 4 million. That is a massive disparity in dollars, especially considering that it's exactly the amount we just cleared off the books by jettisoning Steve Bernier. Wojtek Wolksi's recent signing, at 3.8 million per season, a possible comparable, does not bode well for the penny-pinchers among us like, say, Mike Gillis. So it's no surprise that this one's likely going to arbitration.

Arbitration is a scary word. Our friends on the radio often like to cite the Brendan Morrison arbitration hearing, in which he was compared to a mouse riding on the back of an elephant. Like a trip to the dentist, sensitive areas get poked all too often, and enemies for life can be made. In more recent history, however, Kyle Wellwood's arbitration hearing went pretty decently last year, so maybe it will be nice. I would imagine somebody will hit up Costco for a fruit platter, and everybody will, at the very least, get to share some fresh pineapple. Raymond will likely be told about his common tendency to overlook his linemates, or that his go-to move of squeaking past the defenseman along the boards, cycling the zone and giving it to the defenseman with nowhere to go is not impressive. But if he can handle those criticisms, he'll probably have a nice time.

It does not sound like a good time for Shane O'Brien, who, reports say, is much more hesitant to go to arbitration. In his own words:

“Hopefully I don’t have to go to arb and, from what I heard, it’s not a pleasant process [...] They’ve probably got a lot of material they can use against me so it probably wouldn’t work too well.”

Yes, they do. Notice here that Shane O'Brien is so scared of the word arbitration that he doesn't even say it. Arb could be anything from arboriculture to Arby's, both of which are intimidating, unpleasant institutions.

He's right to assume it will be unpleasant for him. Probably because he's better known for busting out the guns than toning and trimming fat from them. The case to be made against SOB in arbitration might be too true, too sobering. And sometimes SOB prefers not to be sober. That he's aware of this is a good thing, and he's likely to sign a favorable contract rather than be forced to confront the man in the mirror. If he can improve his play at all, he'll be a stellar sixth defenseman on a nice, low, short contract. I hope he does, because I like Shane O'Brien, and his intensity and emotion during playoff time will be missed if he goes elsewhere.

Shane O'Brien: Blood Unicorn

Nam Y. Huh - AP

And the award for the most bad-ass looking moment of the playoffs goes to...Shane O'Brien. With blood spurting from his forehead like he had tried to fight The Bride, SOB left the Canucks with only four defencemen. Briefly. He returned almost immediately and played a solid game, refusing to respond to the antics of the Blackhawks' bruisers, especially Andrew Ladd, who showed his "cowardice" by targeting the injury in a scrum.

During the game, I dubbed SOB the Blood Unicorn for the horn of blood spurting from his forehead. I suppose Blood Narwhal would also have worked, but there isn't a band named "Blood Narwhal" and there is one named "Blood Unicorn." From their myspace page:

hi. we love all of you. you complete me. we ride wolves in snow. we drink ice. our cars are airplanes. we swim in oceans. we swing at playgrounds. lets build a sandcastle. unicorns bleed blue. wake up, you're not sleeping.

Profound. Does SOB also love all of us? Does SOB ride wolves in snow? Does SOB bleed blue? Oh wait, he totally doesn't.