I Watched This Game: Canucks at Wild, October 19, 2010

Canucks 2 - 6 Wild

So we watched this game, and when our eyes began to bleed, and we began to shout expletives at John Garrett, we realized that we might have anger management issues. I know I do. I'm still on a lengthy timeout from Settlers of Catan after what happened last time.

The Minnesota Wild bagskated through all of their issues, and may have created an unnecessary goaltending controversy by scoring six goals on a Canucks team that looked as out of sync as 'N Sync without Justin Timberlake. (He was the N. Look it up.) To be frank: the Canucks sucked quite hard tonight. Quite hard indeed. So let's get right into it.

• Rick Rypien is going to get hecka suspended. If you missed the game, here's what happened: After a fight with Brad Staubitz, Rypien tried to fight him again. Not sure why. He tagged Staubitz in the first fight, thereby making his point. When the refs broke up the second fight before it got started, Rypper kind of went insane. He took a cheap shot at Staubitz with the referees between them. Then, as he was being removed from the game, a couple of fans unwisely applauded. This is all they did, but Rypien went berserker on them (video above). The fans were removed for their part in the altercation (removed to other, better seats), but they didn't really do anything. In fact, the guy in the red shirt was just trying to protect his friend; neither guy instigated anything. Rypien has already been suspended indefinitely, pending review by the league. His only hope is that somebody commits a blindside hit to somebody else's head before the night is up, because that will steal all his suspension-thunder.
• Sidenote: suspension thunder is the name of the accessory holding my pants up. And Skeeter's electro-pop side project.
• Did we mention the Canucks were terrible tonight? Because oh my, yes, they were. Incredibly, in a 6-2 rout, only one Canuck was a minus-2. It was Ryan Parent, who looked a little like he should only play in a game when three top six defensemen are injured.
• As the team's official whipping boy, Bieksa is going to get flamed for everything, but he actually did not play poorly this evening. Neither did he play well, but nobody else did either, and it didn't help him that his partner, Ryan Parent, was the worst player on the ice. Bieksa will be especially vilified for his role in the Wild's fourth goal, where it appeared he was puck chasing in the defensive zone. However, he was merely covering up for Ryan Parent, who was floating in the neutral zone like a scoop of ice cream in a mug of root beer. (In this analogy, root beer is neutral, like Switzerland.)
• Skeeter would like to point out that three of the Wild goals came on the powerplay and do not figure in to the plus/minus statistic. The Wild powerplay, by the way, was remarkable. If it weren't so infuriating to watch, it might have been fun to watch.
• Holy smokes. John Garrett has huge ears. Skeeter's wife: "Those ears are 100 years old."
• There wasn't a goaltending controversy before tonight's game, and there probably still shouldn't be, but Roberto Luongo wasn't good tonight. In Vancouver, where the fans only remember the game prior to the one they just watched, Luongo suddenly looks like a zero and Cory Schneider suddenly looks like the hero Bonnie Tyler's been holding out for. It may not be an actual goaltender controversy, but the media is sure as Hell going to cover it like it is.
• Daniel Sedin is still on pace for 82 goals. He is also on pace for 82 games.
• Henrik Sedin is on pace for an assist every time Daniel scores a goal.
• As usual, the Sedins racked up points completely unrelated to what the rest of the team was doing. Henrik looked especially good on this Tanner Glassian spinorama. Is it just me, or is everybody on the Canucks suddenly doing this move? This may be Henrik's influence as captain. If Tanner Glass was captain, suddenly everybody would be unsuitable for the third line.
• Speaking of line combinations, I think it's safe to say that Raymond and the Sedins have run their course. Remember that we hated it from the start. Why a fence has been built between Samuelsson and his proper linemates is beyond us. But perhaps he can conquer it with love? Probably not. Love is just an abstract concept. It can't knock down stuff.
• Also: Peter Schaefer, in an abomination of Biblical proportions, started the game on the second line. Does nobody scroll to the bottom of our posts and read the labels? When will they learn!! Why can't you read the labels?!
• On the bright side tonight: Teletoon aired the Futurama pilot post-game, and it remains as excellent as the day it first aired. It also remains as timely, as its preponderance of suicide booths seem particularly appropriate after tonight's hockey game.