I Watched This Game: Canucks at Blues, February 14, 2011

Canucks 2 - 3 Blues

There are many possible explanations for the wave of mutilation that has befallen our defense corps, and they all involve the unspeakable. This ain't no worldly happening, y'all. This is a straight up X-file. Here are some theories: Sami Salo's lifelong injury demon is the most powerful Hellspawn since Dakota Fanning; Dave Nonis is a voodoo champion (Cam Cole's expert theory), Rick Bowness is suffering the ill effects of a gypsy curse; while watching video on hip checking technique, skills coach Glenn Carnegie accidentally played the team a haunted video tape; Kevin Bieksa had a premonition and recently prevented the entire Canucks' defense group from boarding a plane that crashes, and now death has a list; or maybe, the hockey gods are trying to humble us. Guys, I have to know. Not so much out of concern for the Canucks, mind you, but because nobody knows what sort of evil we're dealing with here, and therefore, nobody knows how transferable this curse actually is. Am I next? After all, I watched this game:

• Forced humility by way of the hockey gods seems a likely explanation. Last night's loss to the St. Louis Blues was exactly the sort of loss that might have sent Canuck nation into a tizzy in previous years. The Canucks were sorely outhit, outshot, and outplayed, and a severe puck misplay by Roberto Luongo wound up being the difference-maker. Normally, this would be time to trot out the usual gripes about team toughness and overrated Italians. But, when it's your goaltender's first regulation loss in twenty games, and when your team remains a trillion points ahead of the rest of the Conference, it's hard not to shrug at the occasional whoopsie. I mean, the Canucks are 1-2 in their last three. Is that reason enough for panic? No, not really, all things considered, but such rationality flies in the face of regular Vancouver fan protocol. It's possible that the hockey gods are attempting to exacerbate each loss by tacking on a long-term injury to a defenceman, simply so that we will treat the defeat with our usual austerity. This is all our fault. Canuck fans: for all our sakes, please panic like you used to.

• If you're not sure what I'm on about with all this, let's catch you up to speed: in the second period of last night's game, Andrew Alberts broke his freaking wrist. He joins an injury list that includes: everyone ever. Everybody hurts.

• Unfortunately, the injuries on the back end are beginning to show. Give Chris Tanev credit for going eleven NHL games before people realized he had only played eleven games in the NHL.
  

• One of the best things about all these injuries has been the certain ensuing article about how it opens up cap space. That's like saying the accidental death of a plane crash survivor means more food for the remaining stranded, now forced to eat him.
  

• Roberto Luongo deserves a ton of credit for his remarkable streak, bookended, strangely enough, by losses to the St. Louis Blues. Don't act so surprised: compared to battling depression, it's easy to overcome wild animal attacks and natural disasters. Sometimes there's simply no cure for the blues.

• It's a shame it had to end the way it did, though. I was just going to write an article about how Luongo's puck-handling skills had improved. Suffice it to say, such an article is no longer relevant, as Luongo picked up an assist on Alex Steen's goal when he made a perfect feed to Steen while concurrently vacating the net. That's the opposite of what you're supposed to do. That gaffe aside, however, Luongo was sensational last night, making 31 saves--several of the phylum "Hoo boy, wacky!"--to keep things close, including one toe save that prompted a John Garrett swoon over Luongo's freakishly long legs.

• It's also a shame that the Canucks' loss and injury party overshadowed the kiss from a rose that was a rare goal by the third line (above). After some impressive sustained offensive zone pressure by the reunited trio of Hansen, Malhotra, and Torres, Jannik Hansen was able to shock the world by putting in a rebound. Several people tweeted "Good shift by Torres." the rarest sentence in the English language, rarer even, than the 1287-word sentence in William Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom! Torres didn't look too bad last night. Here's hoping he's beginning to trend upwards.
  

• I remain unconvinced the Canucks can't keep both Bieksa and Ehrhoff somehow, but if you're wondering which of the two should be kept, consider that Ehrhoff has looked a little shaky without Edler, while Bieksa, even without Hamhuis, remains the best breakup artist since Dashboard Confessional. On one rush, Bieksa hurried back to turn a 2-on-1 into a 2-on-2, then somehow put himself in perfect position to break up a saucer pass to the trailer. It was sort of amazing. Anyway, Christian Ehrhoff still finished as the high-minute man, logging an obscene 29:16, but Bieksa probably would have eclipsed thirty, had he not spent four minutes in the penalty box.

• Speaking of the penalty box, I didn't particularly care for the reffing in last night's game. They called some stuff they shouldn't have (Kevin Bieksa's slash) and they missed a bunch of blatant calls (like a handful of holds on the Sedins, or Samuelsson's dangerous crosscheck). That's not why the Canucks lost, though, so we'll move on.

• The Canucks' first goal was yet another instance where one Sedin picked up a point while the other didn't. This has happened a lot this season. Daniel remains five points up on his brother, which is just strange to me. Is this evidence of a rift? I say yes. We all know Daniel Sedin is out for blood and often imagines strangling his brother to death. Rumour has it, every night, in the Sedins' shared dreamspace, Daniel tries to use inception to convince Henrik he should retire, and Henrik is sick of it.

• Manny Malhotra won most of his faceoffs again, going 12-for-16. Of note: he went 9-for-12 in the defensive zone, 3-for-4 in the neutral zone, and 0-for-0 in the offensive zone. Again, that's 16 faceoffs, none inside the opponent's blue line. I hate to say Skeeter was right (I really do), so I won't. But let it remain implied. Malhotra spends less time in the offensive zone than the Jonas Brothers.
  

• The game-tying goal that was waved off in the dying seconds of the game was probably right not to count. While Kevin Bieksa's ability to move an entire pile of adult men with one superman punch is impressive, it seems kind of against the rules. But if Jannik Hansen ever needs him to punch Team Rocket into space, it's good to know it'll be a piece of cake for him.

• And finally: Victor Oreskovich needs to finish the night with more than one hit, especially on a night when the Blues outhit the Canucks by a margin of 2-to-1.

Alex Edler to Undergo Back Surgery

Backbreaking news for fans still basking in the glow of last night's solid victory over the Nashville Predators, as it has been announced that Alex Edler's back spasms that kept him out of the game are more serious than initially thought. Edler will undergo micro discectomy surgery on his back and will be out indefinitely.

While Lee Sweatt performed admirably in his absence, scoring the game-winning goal and finishing +2, he still had under 9 minutes of icetime and often seemed overmatched physically. Keith Ballard, on the other hand, stepped up and played a team-high 23:53, boosted by Ehrhoff missing some shifts to get stitches after getting whacked in the face by Ryan Kesler. With Aaron Rome and Andrew Alberts still out of commission, this latest wrinkle forces the Canucks to contend with a depleted blueline that may require further call-ups from the Manitoba Moose and more ice-time from the maligned Ballard.

Alternatively, with Edler sure to go on long-term injured reserve and the all-star game providing a brief break in the schedule, this may be the time to push Sami Salo harder in practice to see if he is ready to slot back into the lineup. The need to clear salary to fit Salo under the cap has suddenly disappeared.

Update: Edler's back surgeon, Dr. Marcel Weird Keyboard Dvorak, has suggested that Edler should recover in 8 to 10 weeks. Edler's surgery is scheduled for Monday, which would put his potential return at March 28th to April 11th if Dr. Dvorak is correct. The Canucks' final game of the regular season will be April 9th, meaning Edler could still return in time for the playoffs.

Canucks Participating in Movember

We are now over a week into Movember, and my moustache is looking incredibly sad. Harrison and I are both participating in Movember, the annual event wherein men attempt to grow moustaches to bring attention to prostate cancer and raise money for cancer research. It's a fantastic cause and we encourage you to donate on the Movember website or, if you want to contribute to one of the many teams raising money for Movember, I recommend Houses of the Hockey. Harrison and I have been reluctant to post pictures of our own moustaches as they are less than impressive. I'm working with a less-greasy Dan Carcillo while Harrison has a bit of a black Sidney Crosby.

The NHL has a long history of great moustaches and some of the all-time greats are catalogued in Houses of the Hockey's three-part series. Lanny McDonald's fiery-red moustache is, of course, legendary and synonymous with the player, as is George Parros's Princeton-educated soup-strainer, which he shaved off at the beginning of the month to help promote Movember. Classic Canucks moustaches include Dave Babych, seen above, and Harold Snepsts.

A few more Canucks are looking to join the ranks of those great moustaches this Movember. I tracked down some photos, mainly through the amazing photos Jeff Vinnick has taken on the Canucks roadtrip.

Dan "Hammy" Hamhuis is rocking a particularly excellent handlebar moustache. Actually, when I had a handlebar moustache last month (shaved off in anticipation of Movember), I was informed that the correct terminology for this particular moustache was a horseshoe moustache and that a handlebar moustache required "graspable extremities" as Wikipedia puts it. Meh. I'll keep calling it a handlebar moustache as it resembles the handlebars on a banana seat bicycle.

Andrew Alberts has your basic moustache in this shot. Nothing wrong with the basic 'stache.

Manny "Alternate Captain Mal" Malhotra joins Hammy with an excellent handlebar moustache. He's also looking quite sharp in his black toque/scarf combo.

Wait, Kesler is that a moustache? It's kinda hard to tell...

Yes, it looks like he might have a moustache...maybe...

Ah, there it is. That is beautiful. Absolutely fantastic. Let's get a close-up on that.

Awesome.

Andrew Alberts Gets Hittin', and I Get Smitten

What else is there to say about this? The last hit on a Russian that got me this pumped was when James Bond finally killed Xenia Onatopp. If this video makes you want to relive last night's triumph, here's the full highlight package.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Oilers, November 2, 2010

Canucks 4 - 3 Oilers

It may have gotten a bit tense there at the end, but a win's a win, right? Wrong. The Canucks made a crucial mistake that let the Oilers back in this one: they briefly held a two-goal lead.

Yes, the dreaded two-goal lead, a guaranteed death sentence for all who hold it. Originally, the Canucks had a three-goal lead, but then the Oilers scored. And then it was a two-goal lead. And then they were screwed.

In actuality, the Canucks have yet to show a killer instinct this season. This is a team that, last season, was money in the third. They held leads and they staged comebacks. This year, however, they've been losing leads and hosting comebacks. The Canucks dominated the first period, storming out of the gate with three goals, but then they quit applying pressure. Just like when administering First Aid, that's a pretty big no-no. And I'm not trying to say hockey players are like doctors; only Dan Ellis feels that way. I'm just saying you can't let up.

Anyway, in the long run, the Canucks came out the victors, thanks to the absurd video content we have provided above. That's above. Below, we watched this game, and our thoughts have been broken down into bulleted points. Read them. Read them aloud?

• Raffi Torres had the most absurd hat trick since Mason Raymond hoisted a puck over Miikka Kiprusoff from center ice. Let us review this trio of goals. First, Torres scores on a nutty dive and stab at the puck. It was the best headfirst dive since George Michael Bluth. Then, as part of the best double tip since Darth Maul's lightsaber, and finally, on some sort of weird curling play. The last time Khabibulin blew it that badly, it was a breathalyzer. Torres also had one wicked hit on Andrew Cogliano to seal the win. He was excellent tonight.

• Moment of horror: only Daniel Sedin has more Canuck goals than Raffi Torres.

• Skeeter believes Kevin Bieksa was the best defenseman on the ice for the Canucks tonight. Reluctantly, I agree with him. My urge is to disagree, however, simply on principle, so I'll disagree about something else instead. Skeeter, I don't like your hat. But seriously, Bieksa broke out of his funk (significantly less funky than my band, Cinnamon Toast Funk) with three assists in his 22 minutes of ice time. He played smart, he played physical, and he didn't make any of the massive mistakes that tend to make me, Harrison, furious. I'll admit that, if he played this way on a regular basis, I would like him a lot more. That is all I'll admit.

• Skeeter would like to add that a) he already likes Bieksa and b) his hat is heck of sweet.

• Alex Burrows returned to the lineup and made an immediate impression. His first period shifts, like the rest of the team's, were his best. He caused turnovers, generated scoring chances, wreaked havoc in front of the net, and fit right back in with the Sedins. This may seem obvious, but this is a good thing. Also good Things? Stan Lee's comic book character and John Carpenter's 1982 film.

• At the end of the first period, the Canucks were playing so well I wasn't sure who I was going to pick on. John Garrett seemed ripe. This replay is a slowed down version of a play you just saw. Thanks for the analysis, Garrett.

• It's been awhile since we saw Daniel and Henrik Sedin's trademark slap-pass actually work. Other teams have taken it up as a power play option, but these guys are the originals, and they showed it on this play. I don't think I've ever seen that slap-pass look that fluid. It was more fluid than classic Darkwing Duck nemesis The Liquidator. It was more fluid than Alex Mack.

• The Canucks were excellent in the faceoff circle, with everybody who took a draw registering above 50%. Kesler was the star, going 13-6. Take that, Manny Malhotra.

• I want to talk about the first goal against. I recognize the Oilers have a lot of small forwards, but I think Alberts took his size for granted a little. Rather than swing the puck around the boards, he puts his back to Andrew Cogliano and expects the little guy to bounce off. You forgot about velocity, Alberts. Any physics experts read PITB? Someone explain this to Alberts. Anyway, Mason Raymond peels off Cogliano, expecting Alberts to send it around, but instead, Alberts just stands there, staring blankly at the wall, recreating the ending of the Blair Witch Project.

• Roberto Luongo was good tonight, but people are going to point to the second goal when claiming that he wasn't. Yes, he lost the puck in the crease, but one of Ballard or Rome needs to tie up Ryan Jones's stick. Instead, they whacked fruitlessly at the puck. Yes, fruitlessly. They were yielding less fruit than that fig tree Jesus cursed. We all remember that Bible story, right?

• Cogliano also creates the third goal when he beats Alex Edler inside. Alex, I said to be noticeable, but not bad. On this goal, you were bad. You can't give up the center of the ice like that.

• And finally, a word about my wife, who spent the whole game claiming Canuck players looked like celebrities they do not look like. Peter Schaefer was compared to Eddie Cibrian. Tanner Glass got Gerard Butler. Andrew Alberts got Ben Affleck, and this may be the only one where she's got a point. Little does she know I made this comment way back in April. That's right, I beat my wife. Nope, that came out wrong.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Ducks, October 1, 2010

I Watched This Game is a recurring feature on Pass it to Bulis that chronicles that insights and observations of two guys who watched a hockey game.

For those of you who balk at our preseason record, consider that, if the Sedins are in the preseason lineup, we win, and when they aren't, we don't. They were in the lineup tonight. If you knew this advance, and you were following the if A, then B model of philosophy (Modus Ponens, for you amateur forward chainers), you knew we were going to win.

I apologize to multitude of readers (actually, just one guy in the comments) who were clamoring for this last night and didn't get it. Skeeter and I both had busy evenings, relegating this one to the PVR. Let me just say that I hate watching games the next day. Part of the joy of being a Canucks fan is knowing that, when the Canucks score, my joy is shared by thousands of people I don't know, and when the Canucks scored on, I am part of a secret collective of groans. By the next day, however, all those emotions have faded, and I know that I'm alone. It's hard to be nearly as excited. Nevertheless, here are my thoughts:

• I wasn't the only one struggling to get excited about this game. Neither the Canucks nor the Ducks seemed particularly interested in playing hockey for sixty minutes. As a result, the best part of the game was probably the lively stick-checking. Good job, Canucks, at breaking up cycles and rushes with good sticks.
• Cody Hodgson was nearly invisible in this game, and by now, I'm downright happy about it. He'll go to Manitoba and hone his game, and, likely be the first callup if one of our top two centers goes down with an injury.
• What is up with the Sedins taking so many slap shots? Daniel took about five today, which is all I need to prove, unequivocally, that he is out for blood. And, if you think there's no friendly competition between brothers, I saw Henrik take a slapshot as well, which is not unlike seeing a unicorn mating with a chimaera while a triad of suns are setting at the edge of the flat world.
• Andrew Alberts put Shane O'Brien on waivers with his play tonight. Alberts has been a steady defensive presence, caused forwards to think twice before making a play, and broken up chances by taking the body. In one particular instance, Bobby Ryan (who was great tonight) made a little inside-outside move and put the puck past Alberts. Rather than being made to look silly, as we saw last year in a similar play by Jason Spezza, Alberts simply stepped into Ryan and took him off the puck. It was perfectly played.
• I just killed a fruitfly. Just now.
• Alex Bolduc's play tonight might have settled the question of who will be the fourth-line center. Bolduc isn't a sexy pick, and he's not the right fit as a guy to fight John Scott, but he showed tonight that he can be good defensively, and reliable in the last minute of a game. He set up the empty-netter by skating hard onto the puck, holding onto it under pressure, and centering to Kesler. It was poise we haven't seen by a fourth-line center for quite some time.
• Against my wishes, the Ballard-Bieksa pair continues to be a possibility. AV is likely thinking of them as old-school Starsky and Hutch: unorthodox, but kinda badass. Problem is, they're new-school Starsky and Hutch: a frustratingly inept comedy duo. While Starsky and Hutch didn't get burned tonight, it will, and nearly did when Bieksa made a dumb pinch and the Ducks went back on a 2-on-1. Nothing came of it, but still.
• Cory Schneider was very good tonight. He's not a flashy goalie by any means, but he's big and he cuts off angles. When you do that, you don't have to dive all over the place. I look forward to seeing Schneider in a Canucks uniform all season. I'm also enjoying his neck beard. Speaking of beards, I have a theory: if you're a young prospect, but you can grow a beard, do it. Grow that beard. It will confuse the coaching staff and make them think you've matured as a player.
• John Garrett: "125 seconds left." Passive aggressive Shorty: "Two minutes if you don't want to do the math." Shut up, Garrett.
• I love that Ryan Kesler and Corey Perry hate each other. Don't ask me why. It's just great to see a couple guys have such ostensible, unbridled hate for one another, like my ongoing feud with Justin Bieber's backup dancers. Mind you, mine is driven by jealousy. #iwannadanceforyoubieb
• Aaron Rome is such a seventh defensemen. He does nothing overly well, never stands out, is the worst person to pass to on a 4-on-2, but he's steady. It's possible that, when Alberts locked himself in at that sixth spot, Shane O'Brien got bumped to eighth, simply because Rome is the very essence of a seventh defenseman.
• Mason Raymond's shorthanded goal was a thing of beauty. Think Burrows is choked that MayRay bogarted his deke?

Every Goal, Defenseman Edition: All the Other Guys

Shane O'Brien only scored one goal last year, but it was a pretty one.

Last year's Canuck defense corps scored 42 of the team's 268 goals. These guys scored 11 of them, so I've lumped them all together. Earlier this week, we covered Christian Ehrhoff, Sami Salo, Alex Edler & Kevin Bieksa. Last weekend, we took a run at the Canucks' second line, covering Mason Raymond, Ryan Kesler, and Mikael Samuelsson. This weekend we'll be looking at Daniel and Henrik Sedin. Up today: Willie Mitchell (4 goals), Shane O'Brien (2), Mathieu Schneider (2), Andrew Alberts (1), Nolan Baumgartner (1), and Brad Lukowich (1).

Willie Mitchell

1. Oct. 5 vs. the Columbus Blue Jackets (3)

Mitchell's first goal of a career-high four last season comes off some excellent work by Mikael Samuelsson, who draws three defenders to himself and protects the puck before dishing off to Mitchell for an uncontested slapshot from the point. Mitchell's shot doesn't seem particularly hard, but it's precise, and you can hear it ping off the post before it hits the back of the net.

2. Oct. 11 vs. the Dallas Stars (4)

Here, Mitchell picks up a rebound in front of the net after Henrik Sedin's centering pass misses its mark. Early in the season, this was a nice sign: Canucks defenseman were encouraged to come in from the blue line for passes from behind the net and rebound opportunities. Even reliable ol' Bill Pickle found the blue ice from time to time.

3. Dec. 3 vs. the Philadelphia Flyers (15)

Tanner Glass does much of the legwork in this one, bringing the puck to the net hard, and narrowly avoiding bowling over Brian "The Mighty Boosh" Boucher. Boucher still feels he's interfered with, but Glass also sells his efforts to avoid interference. Mitchell drifts in from the point, again, and picks up the rebound on his backhand, shoveling it home.

4. Jan. 16 vs. the Pittsburgh Penguins (23)

I forgot that, in the last game Willie Mitchell played in a Canucks uniform, the game in which Evgeni Malkin cut his season short with a cheap hit from behind, Mitchell also scored his prettiest goal of the season. It's a shame he had to get hurt because he reached a career-high in goals in just 48 games. He might have scored more. Anyway, here, he sneaks in from the point to be the recipient of a beautiful back-door pass from Henrik Sedin, and he finishes the play with a nifty little move to the backhand. Here's hoping he can continue to do stuff like this in LA (just not against us).

Mathieu Schneider

1. Oct. 27 vs. the Red Wings (7)

Schneider's first of two goals as a Canuck comes in exactly the way we thought he'd score a bunch last season. Playing the left point on the power play, he takes the pass, and absolutely rips a slap shot past Jimmy Howard. It was Schneider's 100th career power play goal, but the only one he scored as a Canuck.

2. Nov. 14 vs. the Avalanche (8)

Schneider's second goal as a Canuck is identical to his first, except that it comes on even-strength. Kyle Wellwood and Alex Burrows provide screens, and Schneider shows nice patience waiting for them to get there and a lane to open up. He looked like he was going to be money from the left point, but sadly, this is all she wrote, and he never netted another one for us.

Shane O'Brien

1. Dec. 20 vs. the St. Louis Blues (18)

Okay, wait, what? This goal is incredible and I absolutely forgot about it. This is no fluke, as O'Brien sees the defense floating away from the net, and gets in behind them. Raymond and Samuelsson work well together here, and Samuelsson's pass is a downright magical piece of vision. The fanfare after the goal is nice too, as this is O'Brien's first score in 166 games. It shows: as beautiful as this goal is, O'Brien only just barely gets it past Mason.

2. Mar. 20 vs. the Detroit Red Wings (36)

Shane O'Brien's 2nd goal of the season comes after some excellent board works by Kyle Wellwood. He's getting the crap kicked out of him, but he still manages to maintain control and get the puck to Mason Raymond. Raymond makes a nice pass to O'Brien, who wrists it past Howard. Not a chance Howard sees that puck, as Jannik Hansen's body is opaque.

Nolan Baumgartner

1. Feb. 12 vs. the Columbus Blue Jackets (29)

Baumgartner, an all-star AHL defenseman with pretty good vision and offensive awareness, sneaks in from the point and receives a beautiful cross-ice pass from Alex Burrows, who I have already taken great pains through this series to laud for his underrated passing abilities. Burrows is more than just a lucky grinder who gets to work with the Sedins. He creates goals with his vision as well. In this case, Baumgartner is the benefactor of Burrows' gem of a feed.

Andrew Alberts

1. Apr. 8 vs. the San Jose Sharks (40)

Alberts' first and only goal as a Canuck comes on a point shot from a Mason Raymond feed. Alberts does well to receive the pass and put the puck on net quickly, although I've seen Kyle Wellwood shoot harder than that. The puck goes off Douglas Murray's skate and past Nabokov. It's a goal, though it does little to elucidate A Minor's gifts, which, apart from his general enormity (pictured here) are somewhat still TBA. I hope my wife eventually gives me a 6'6" son. I'll get him into hockey, where he'll get paid solely for being gigantic, talented or otherwise. Note: since my wife and I are about the size of the last two nesting dolls in a set, this is unlikely.

Brad Lukowich

1. Jan. 25 vs. the Buffalo Sabres (26)

By now, Lukowich's goal is legendary, as it might be considered one of the best Sedin plays of last year (I ranked it #2 in our inaugural post, the best of the Sedins, way back in April). It was an amazing piece of wizardous sedinerie, and I think we all agree that anybody could have scored it, even Jonathan Cheechoo. I am especially fond of Lukowich's tribute to TLC's "Waterfalls" after scoring the goal. It's a shame he spent so little time with the big club, because I liked him.

Give Us Barabbas! Why Andrew Alberts is the Key

If Alberts can't get it done, Sedin should give him the Tekken 6 flying jump kick, just as this picture depicts.

Brace yourselves, Vancouver: Andrew Alberts is the key to this series.

Don't panic. He can do it. I know that this is the guy that we have ruefully called A Minor for his 23 penalty minutes in the first two games of the LA series. I recognize that this is the guy who was undressed by Jason Spezza in one of the highlights of the year. I am aware that the fans want the unspectacular Aaron Rome, or the equally unspectacular Nolan Baumgartner instead of him. But I stand by my thesis. Andrew Alberts is the key to this series.

Let's get a couple of things straight. First, Alberts is not all bad. He's not even close to as bad as you think he is. In fact, the Canucks are 9-1 when his plus-minus is even or better. If he can limit mistakes, the Canucks tend to win. The guy has a natural size advantage over anybody else on the ice at 6'5", 218. Dustin "Feather-Rufflin'" Byfuglien (it really doesn't work, Skeeter, but I'll keep at it for you) may outweight him by thirty pounds, but considering a good chunk of that is fat, let's call it even. Much bigger than previous and current crease-clearers such as Mitchell, Ohlund, and O'Brien, Alberts has the potential to muscle people out of the crease no Canuck has had since Bryan Allen, maybe. And it'll be expected of him on the penalty kill.

Yes, Andrew Alberts is the key to the penalty kill. Notice that, in the LA series, it improved drastically in games where he wasn't the one in the box. The Kings got one power-play goal in the last two games, and Alberts didn't take a penalty in either one. Towards the end of the series, Alberts did a good job of keeping all-star crease presences like Ryan Smyth at bay without taking a penalty. Since Chicago has about twenty-seven guys who can stand in front of the net, Alberts is more vital than necessary. And consider this: his limitations in the mobility department are effectively nullified on the penalty kill, when he won't be asked to go anywhere at all. Stay by the net, and cross-check Dustin Byfuglien for two minutes. That's all we ask.

If Alberts can do this, his acquisition is a complete win for Mike Gillis. As a sixth defenseman, he likely won't get a ton of minutes 5-on-5. And that's good; Patrick Kane might literally skate between his legs. Let's stop and imagine Hughson calling the play:

Hughson: Kane dangles between Alberts' legs!
Simpson: *snicker*

Hmm. It sounds horrible, any way you think about it. And let's be honest. This entire post was an excuse to make that joke.

Now, even I'd prefer if Kane and Alberts never met but on the PK, like an arranged marriage. While not being nearly as slow as most think he is (Canucks fans think speed is inversely proportional to size), Alberts will still likely get undressed by the much more fleet-of-foot Kane . But, if every time the Canucks take a penalty, AV can throw out a well-rested wrecking ball, and Alberts can do this one job with some success (clear the frakkin' crease), then our chances to win the series improve drastically.