Ryan Kesler Uncovers Shocking All-Star Game Bribery Conspiracy Among League Officials

Even in an all-star game, Ryan Kesler takes his assistant captaincy seriously enough to question a call. Here's Kes, mic'd up for Versus, asking referee Kevin Pollock about his decision to blow the whistle. The ref's response? "Twenty bucks for the first guy that blew an offside." Funny stuff.

Hat tip to Sean Leahy at Puck Daddy for uncovering the clip.

Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin, and Ryan Kesler at the Skills Competition

Courtesy of the invaluable and highly beloved CanucksHD, the dedicated Youtuber who is to blogging what the flux capacitor is to time travel, here are the Canucks-related highlights from the NHL Skills Competition. They reinforce three things we might have already known:

1. Ryan Kesler's pretty fast. But you already knew that. He can make five million dollars and a baby in the same day.
2. Daniel Sedin is mighty accurate. I know you knew that too, but did you know he was the most accurate guy in hockey? Eklund is, of course, a close second.
3. Henrik Sedin enjoys all types of passing, but his first love is the saucer pass. We've long suspected it might be an addiction. Once, at thanksgiving dinner, Daniel asked him to pass the mashed potatoes and Henrik launched a spoonful over the gravy boat, right onto his plate.

Anyway. I like these guys, I think they're good, let's keep them.

Phil Kessel Was Picked Last, Not Picked On

After much speculation about who would get picked last at the NHL All-Star Draft, Phil Kessel suffered the ignominy of being the final guy. For the concerned: he'll live. In fact, I thought the only embarrassing thing about Kessel's turn as Mr. Irrelevant was the way the NHL tried to pacify him. In an infuriating bit of babying, host James Duthie coaxed an ovation out of the audience, verbally consoled Kessel (who couldn't have cared less) and then gifted him $20,000 to a charity of his choice as well as a brand new 2011 Honda CR-Z.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, the hundreds of children picked last in schoolyards across the country that day were given nothing, save a wedgie and an insecurity complex. Come on. These are NHL players, not grade-schoolers. Picked last does not mean picked on, and this was a room full of grown men capable of making that distinction. By reaching to console Phil Kessel, the NHL turned a relatable moment into another instance of millionaire ego-stroking.

Kessel didn't need to be given any consolation prizes. He was already at the All-Star Game. Know who wasn't? Tanner Glass. Where's his car?

Simply being invited was good enough for Kessel, and he said as much to Duthie. Not mentioned, but also a fairly decent consolation, was the fact that Kessel makes $5.4 Million a year, and if he wanted a new car, he could have paid cash for one. I hate talking about player salaries, but Kessel really didn't need that car, and you could tell by his reaction. Have you seen what happens when normal people are given a car? Their heart explodes. Did you see what happened when Phil Kessel was given a car? He smiled appreciatively, like he'd been given a gift card to Denny's.

It was a startling lack of perspective for the NHL to A) showcase Kessel's corresponding lack of perspective and B) take a very human moment like being picked last and turn it into another example of the divide between athletes and normal people. Most kids who are picked last can be consoled with a trip to Marble Slab Creamery. For a millionaire athlete, however, it had to be much more extravagant than that. Granted, they tried to balance it out by giving Kessel twenty grand to donate to charity, but that's about as meaningful as being given a Christmas present by your baby brother. Yes, I'm sure he picked this out himself.

These guys are still role models, after all. Considering the audience for this event was likely a lot of younger kids, I would have much preferred for the NHL to simply show what a good sport Kessel was being. Everything after that was overkill.

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That said, if the event lost some of its relatability with this moment, we can thank Alex Ovechkin for saving the day. The highlight of the draft: Ovechkin's sheer glee at Kessel sitting alone--an image so comical to him he snapped a picture with his phone. Hilarious. Part of Ovechkin's charm is that, despite being one of the best hockey players on the planet, he's also plainly human. His parents live with him; he often gets caught sneaking a peek at the ladies; he can't dance. Heck, is there anything more human than the place where schadenfreude and camera phones intersect? That exact place is where the Internet was born.

All-Star Alternate Captain Can Thank Sedins

Ryan Kesler has been named an alternate captain for the 2011 All-Star Game in Raleigh, North Carolina, as have Mike Green of the Washington Capitals, Patrick Kane of the Chicago Blackhawks, and Martin St. Louis of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Kesler and Green will join Team Staal, with Kane and St. Louis joining Team Lidstrom.

It would be nice to say that Kesler received the recognition for his stellar season as he's only two goals away from setting a career high, with 35 games left to play, but the fact that Mike Green and Patrick Kane were also named alternate captains despite having middling seasons. An argument could be made for name recognition, as Kesler and Kane were stars for Team USA in the Olympics and have adorned the covers of video games, but both Green and St. Louis were left off Team Canada and likely don't spark much recognition from the casual sports fan that the All-Star Game targets.

Instead, I think it's clear that he and the other alternates were picked not for their own star-power, but for the star-power of their teammates. Green and St. Louis are teammates with two of the biggest stars in the NHL and, with Sidney Crosby unlikely to play, the two players most likely to get picked first and second overall in the draft: Alex Ovechkin and Steven Stamkos. By placing Green and St. Louis on opposite sides, a layer of intrigue is added to the first overall pick: will they lobby for their teammate or will they want to play against them?

Kesler and Kane are the third-leading scorers on their teams. This isn't a coincidence. Ahead of Kesler are the Sedins and ahead of Kane are Patrick Sharp and Jonathan Toews. All four of those players are in the All-Star Game and are likely to be high picks. Daniel and Henrik are miles ahead of Sharp and Toews in scoring, so it will be interesting to see if Kane sets aside his animosity towards the Canucks to lobby for a Sedin ahead of his own teammates. Which of the Sedins will get picked first and will Ryan Kesler lobby for one ahead of the other? With this selection of alternate captains, these decisions just got a little bit more interesting.

Quick Hits (From Behind)

Quick Hits (From Behind) is an irregular feature on Pass it To Bulis, wherein two hockey fans chip in their thoughts on current hockey news and get assessed a five-minute major and a game misconduct.


Perhaps you've noticed the influx of Canucks-related stories on NHL.com. It'd be hard not to, especially since the team has been featured in numerous stories. Why is this? Well, it might be because the Canucks are the best team in the NHL, and deserving of the coverage; or maybe because the Canucks recently had three players named to the All-Star game; or maybe it's because the NHL (and NHL.com) offices are in New York, and it's easier to cover a team when they come to you. Hint: it's the last one. If you're too busy to navigate NHL.com, PITB's collected all the Canucks coverage for you right here:

• Kesler Growing Into an Offensive Force -- Dave Lozo, NHL.com

Ryan Kesler is a sexy player these days. He's an All-star point-per-game center now, and contrasted with how unsexy the Sedins are, (and some sexy photographs) it makes sense that he'd get some attention. Here's Kesler, discussing why he's two goals away from his career-high at the midway point of the season:

"I'm getting a couple more greasy ones," Kesler said. "I'm shooting a lot more. I think that's the biggest thing. I'm going to those dirty areas to score and getting the greasy ones and getting some deflections and also using my shot.

• Sitdown With Sedins Reveals Subtle Differences -- Dan Rosen, NHL.com

We've already psychoanalyzed this one enough, but it's worth a second read-through because it's easy to find evidence Daniel Sedin has been plotting to kill his brother for years.

• Canucks are More Than Just the Sedin Twins -- Dan Rosen, NHL.com

Seeing as the whole team is in town, the staff at NHL.com have also reached out to the complementary guys, like Mason Raymond and Kevin Bieksa. In this article, Dan Rosen discusses the depth of the Canucks and their locker room chemistry. My favourite revelation? Kesler's a hip hop guy. No surprise there. Livonia's not too far from 8 Mile. Although it surprises me than Daniel Sedin doesn't like rap music. He seems so thuggin'.

When the Canucks win -- and that's often -- Daniel said Kesler and Luongo usually take turns as the dressing room D.J.

"It's usually pretty bad music," he said. "It's loud. It's rap, I would say. It's not for me."

• Bieksa Sees His Team ready For Cup Run -- Mike G. Morreale, NHL.com

Wherein Kevin Bieksa sits down and discusses his team's hardships, his personal hardships, and indicates that both are a thing of the past. I find it interesting that Bieksa's difficulties so mirror the team's. When he's playing well, we win. When he's not, we lose. Is it possible that the success of this season rides on Kevin Bieksa's shoulders? Perish the thought. Bieksa:

"Mentally, I've learned to deal with the injuries and the trade talk … that's been happening the last couple of years, but I've received good advice from some veteran guys about that type of thing," Bieksa said. "I thought this summer was a little bit easier to deal with. It's prioritizing now. I have two kids, so I'm busy in the summer. I don't have time to read or worry about that kind of stuff, so I took care of my own business in the summer and have fun doing it."

• Raymond's Spinorama Goal a Product of Confidence -- Adam Kimelman, NHL.com

From the ridiculous files, Mason Raymond's spin move the other night was just dazzling enough to be the focal point of this story. I've already mentioned I think the spinorama hullaballoo is a bit overcelebrated. But whatever.

I find it a touch silly how pissy goaltenders get over this move. Recall Nikolai Khabibulin punching Ryan Shannon in the back of the head for it, Dan Ellis complaining because Omark spun at center ice, and even Kevin Poulin calling Raymond a showoff. Seriously? Are goaltenders aware that the shootout is a skills competition? Do they know they're allowed to show off too (Carey Price aside)? I guess goalies think it's cheap, like being Oddjob when playing Goldeneye on multiplayer mode. Still seems like a lot of fuss for what is not the cheekiest move in shootout history. According to Raymond, even Luongo hates it:

"I always joke with Louie (Roberto Luongo), he hates when I do it," said Raymond. "He always tries to give me a shot or something."

• NHL Videocenter! There's also a ton of stuff at the NHL Videocenter, including the Sedin twins newlywed game, a second (!!!) interview with Mason Raymond about the spinorama, and some goofy roundtable stuff with other Canucks about roommates and whatnot. All worth watching.

Kesler and Sedins are All-Stars

The NHL has released the complete All-Star roster for the 2011 All-Star Game and, in a move that I'm sure is shocking to everyone, they picked the right players from the Vancouver Canucks. Both of the Sedins will play, after just Henrik was picked back in 2008. Joining Daniel and Henrik will be Ryan Kesler, whose career-year pace has not gone unnoticed. I'm very excited to see Kesler take the All-Star Game very, very seriously.

While arguments could be made for both Roberto Luongo and Alexander Edler, it's difficult to argue with the selections made. For the most part, the NHL seems to have gotten it right. It's a little baffling that Henrik Zetterberg is absent and that only one goalie was selected from the Western Conference, but with the necessity of fitting in at least one player from every team, it's understandable to see one or two notable absences. It happens every year. Having to squeeze in players from the cellar-dwelling Oilers, Leafs, Islanders, Senators, Panthers and Devils means some very good players from top teams will be absent. Except, of course, that the Islanders and Panthers, as well as the Sabres and Coyotes, will only have rookies and sophomores participating in the All-Star festivities and no players in the actual game.

I, for one, am just glad they selected Ryan Kesler. The Sedins were obvious choices and it would have been very easy for them to select the Sedins and move on from the Canucks, leaving room for another forward. I'm thankful they didn't, as Kesler has been one of the best players in the NHL over the first half of the season and has the potential to reach elite status if he can improve his numbers over the second half.

Some might argue that with his offensive outburst this season combined with his usual strong defensive play, he's already there. I hate to say it, but I disagree. With Manny Malhotra stepping in for the majority of the defensive zone faceoffs and the toughest competition, Ryan Kesler is being asked to do a lot less defensively, which has majorly contributed to his offensive production this year. Many were surprised when NHL.com suggested that Malhotra, not Kesler, was a frontrunner for the Selke, but they're absolutely right, or at least should be. The Selke will likely come down to a reputation-based award once again, instead of actually rewarding the best defensive forward from the 2010-11 season, in which case it may actually go to Kesler (which I wouldn't cry about), but Manny Malhotra should be in consideration.

In any case, Kesler and the Sedins are All-Stars. And you know what that means...McDonald's hockey cards! Oh wait, nevermind. McDonalds apparently doesn't do hockey cards anymore, which is the saddest thing I've heard today.

With the assumption that Kesler will take part in the fastest skater competition, what parts of the skills competition would you like to see the Sedins participate in?

Let the NHL All-Star Game Stay Meaningless, Showcase the Fun of Hockey For Once

The NHL All-Star Game could be a lot of fun, but the austere soul-searching it annually inspires seems as serious as death. Every year, pundits and demagogues come together during the dog days of hockey to opine about its vast problems and merits. They hem and they haw over its importance, it's entertainment value, and how to get fans and players to take it seriously.

But it's never going to be taken seriously. Look to your left. Any game where that can happen is not a serious game. Despite being populated with NHL hockey players, it's not an NHL hockey game. It can't be, because guys get hurt playing NHL hockey games, and nobody wants to get hurt at this thing. As a result, everybody lightens up and, if we're being realistic, we're all okay with that. An injury during the All-Star game is as meaningless and preventable as an injury during a the tug of war at a church picnic.

People tell me it's a showcase for the NHL game, but it isn't because nobody can be convinced to play their heart out, and that's what every other game is for, anyway. The All-Star Game is a Star Trek convention. Yes, all your beloved characters are there, but nobody's fighting the Borg. If you're hoping for the intensity of the final frontier, you're badly mistaken or, in some cases, completely delusional. The NHL All-Star game is a sideshow.

I'm totally okay with that. Ignore the objections of the hockey Puritans who can't handle simple frivolity, and remember that sideshows can be a lot of fun. Why are we so insistent on players taking the All-Star game so seriously? As far as I'm concerned, everybody takes real hockey games too damn seriously. It's a game. Why can't the All-Star game be a moment of levity for all involved--a way to remind the fans and the professionals that, first and foremost, hockey is just a fun thing to do? Let the game be meaningless, and find a way to highlight fun and showcase the players having it.

So here's my proposition: let the NHL pick the 40 players that go to the All-Star game and announce the rosters a month in advance. Then let the fans vote on two team captains from among these guys. I don't care if they're both from the same team, either. Let it be any two guys. Then, let those players pick a charity to play for and put $500,000 dollars on the line (or some such other figure) if their team wins. Then, before the game, get all these guys onto the ice and let the team captains select their teammates the old-school way. Call a name, give him a jersey, let the other captain pick. Then let the teams play. Minimal preparation, minimal coaching, minimal austerity; just a fun game of pick-up hockey among the best hockey players in the world.

I'd watch that, wouldn't you? I'd definitely watch the guys pick one another. If Crosby and Ovechkin were voted team captains, and Ovechkin picked Malkin? If Henrik was voted team captain and he picked somebody else instead of Daniel? If Joe Thornton got picked last? Mic some guys up. Definitely mic up the draft. Let the players banter with one another, make bargains, argue over who picks first. Let players campaign to be named a team captain for the chance to support and promote their charity. Connect them with moviemaking fans who can make good viral videos. Do it all in the name of fun.

Yes, fun. Let it be fun.