The Players Who Commit Headshots Are Not Evil

You had to know that it wouldn't be too long before Raffi Torres found himself in hot water over a headshot. Having watched him play all season, it's been clear to me that, while he tends to hit cleanly (and beautifully, at times), he also hits often (134 this season). This style of play is not without its risks. By this, I mean head hits like the one Torres laid on Jordan Eberle.

I'm not excusing it or arguing against the suspension handed down this afternoon. Torres deserved to be suspended for this hit because of what it was. This was a headshot. He did not, however, deserve to be demonized for it. Unfortunately, he was, and it wasn't fair. This was an accident. Most headshots are.

As long as there's hitting, headshots are unavoidable in the NHL. Make the punishment as stiff as you want--they'll still happen. They're a part of this game, not unlike hooking, tripping, high sticking and all the other infractions that are against the rules and still find ways to occur, usually by accident. And yet, we've somehow reduced this complicated issue down to an issue of bad people doing bad things. So often, we argue about the player's intent, as though he intended to concuss the victim when he took his first stride. Most of the time, intent has nothing to do with it. The player intended to make a hit. It just didn't go well.

Other NHL accidents are understood for what they are. Players get four-minute minors for cutting a guy's face with a high stick. There's no good time or strategic reason to take this penalty, and yet, somehow, we see double minors on the regular. That's because, no matter how disciplined these guys are with their sticks and no matter how stiff the consequences for getting them up, it still just happens sometimes. It's a fast game, and when a guy turns suddenly, your perfect position can become a dangerous one in a hurry. People understand this, except when it comes to headshots. Every one of those seems a clear-cut case of black-and-white villainy. We react to each ugly hit like the perpetrator was secretly the devil all along.

People act like every headshot is fully avoidable, like a shoulder making contact with the head is some sort of preplanned act of violence. We vilify these guys immediately, then turn our noses up at their brutality. You half expect a random search of the perpetrator's locker to turn up diagrams of the victim's skull with a bright red X exactly where the hit took place. We suddenly imagine the perpetrator twirling a moustache, making off with a princess, or petting an evil sidecat with a robotic arm.

Never, except for this sudden age of headshot hysteria, have these guys been so thoroughly psychoanalyzed: Did he mean to do it? Was his elbow tucked? In this freeze-frame, he's in the air. Did he leave his feet, or did the contact lift him off the ground? Are those horns I see under his helmet? Does reflection in the ice appear eerily goatlike to you?

The problem is that these are workplace accidents in a workplace we don't want to admit is flawed. If most headshots are mostly accidental, that would indicate the problem is with the game, not the players playing it. Nobody wants to admit that. The game is awesome right now. It's exciting. It's fast. So, rather than admit the game might have to undergo some unwanted changes to increase player safety, we demonize the players that continue to remind us of the inevitable. Effectively, we shoot the messenger. We've spent a year critizing NHLers for being unable to simply will headshots away. Maybe it's worth considering if the problem lies elswhere.

One comparison you often hear is the sweet and gentle NFL, where this same problem arose and was swiftly dealt with. People act like headshots can be legislated out of hockey the same way they've been somewhat mitigated in football, through tough disciplinary structures and, presumably, player buy-in.

This shows a full misunderstanding of the root of the NHL's headshot problem. It's not the same as the NFL's. Football is a completely different game. Most tackles aren't shoulder to shoulder. They're down lower, and adjusting to a ban on head hits is a much simpler proposition. There simply aren't as many reasons to be up that high on a guy in a game of football.

However, hockey hits are shoulder to shoulder and, in what's turned out to be a massive design flaw for hockey player anatomy, the shoulder is perilously close to the head. The sport is also twice as fast as football, and the players are usually extended, in full skating stride, and carrying enough momentum that an on-ice collision is like a small traffic accident. Going for a hit, even the slightest miscalculation or unwanted adjustment from either party--at breakneck speed, remember--means that an intended shoulder to shoulder contact becomes a gruesome accident.

It's a wonder there aren't more dangerous collisions.

So yes, let's suspend players for these hits. Let's make sure everyone is aware these hits are unwelcome in the NHL. But let's not psychoanalyze, and let's take some of the blame we're placing on the players, and place it on the game.

Aaron Rome's Teammates Help Him Shave

PITB is all about classic, old-school, screwball comedy, so you know any time someone takes a gob to the gob, we're gonna be all over it. Here's an Aaron Rome postgame interview that comes to an abrupt halt when Kevin Bieksa, Tanner Glass, and Raffi Torres, doing their best Ryan Kesler impressions as they peer from behind the curtain, successfully conspire to smear shaving cream all over Rome's cheeks. It's a well-executed prank, probably because Keith Ballard isn't involved.

The irony is that this is probably the only time the media will ever be interested enough in Aaron Rome to interview him, and his teammates just ruined it. Later, they went out to Red Robin, told the waitress it was Rome's birthday, then threw the free sundae on the ground.

So what's the occasion for such jubilation? In his 100th game with the organization, Rome finally tallied his first goal as a Canuck, a 200-foot empty netter to seal a win in Nashville. This is only the second NHL goal of his career, and clearly, it's been a long time coming: the gleeful response from his teammates as the puck drifts over the goal line is classic. You'd have thought they were in the audience for Oprah's Favourite Things.

While Rome has all the makings of a lifelong NHL journeyman (he flies under the radar, his effort exceeds his talent, he's nearly bald at 27), he's found a home in Vancouver for the meantime. He's made some big contributions to this historic season, spending a substantial chunk of it playing a top four role because of the injuries the Canuck have suffered on the back end. All things considered, Rome probably deserves a look for the year-end unsung hero award, but most of the attention he's received for his tireless effort has been flack for getting so many minutes. Shame on you, everyone.

Anyway, it's nice to see him get a little positive recognition.

Raffi Torres, Human Bowling Ball: Photoshop Gallery 3

As you may know, PITB is making the California road trip this year, but we'd hate to leave you with nothing new to peruse in our absence. With that in mind, we'd like to welcome to round three of the Raffi Torres bowling ball photoshop gallery.

If you're new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning. If you're not new, then I'm sure you'd rather not have to listen to me rambling on about this and that when you could be mad gawking the radness of these awesome 'shops. So let's get down to business. After the jump, the many uses of BallTor will astound you:

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Blue Jackets, March 1, 2011

Canucks 2 - 1 Blue Jackets (SO)

It's a shame that the Canucks weren't wearing their retro jerseys, because this game was a total throwback. The team played poorly, showing a complete lack of offensive flair and a general disarray throughout, but thankfully, Roberto Luongo stood tall and singlehandedly kept them in the game. You'd have thought it was 2006. Funny Bob made 30 stops on the night, and it seemed as though every other one was a game-saver. He was in perfect position all evening, too, making partial breakaways and point-blank chances look completely non-threatening. And his reward for perhaps his best effort of the season? The longest shootout ever. Lucky Lou, you know how he loves a breakaway competition. Thankfully, he was game for that too, just like I was game to watch him, when I watched this game:

• Luongo had tiger blood tonight (second only to unicorn blood from blood unicorns). His best save of the evening came when he stopped RJ Umberger on a breakaway, but it wasn't just about the save. It was the way he made sure to get a piece of Umberger's ankle as the center went past, putting him off-balance and sending him, spinning, into the corner, so as to prevent any rebound chances. That was most definitely on purpose.

• Aaron Rome took an interesting "illegal stick" penalty at 6:14 of the third period. His stick hadn't broken; he merely lost it. As he skated to the boards to cut off the Blue Jacket puck carrier, he picked up Scotty Upshall's stick, also-dropped, and used it to tie up the man. Originally, it seemed like a heady move, but the referee blew play dead immediately to call an infraction. What was it? Rule 10.3 of the official NHL rulebook states: A player who has lost or broken his stick may only receive a stick at his own players’ bench or be handed one from a teammate on the ice. Hence, Rome can't pick up Scotty Upshall's stick without getting a penalty. You can't play with an opponent's stick. For instance, Mikko Koivu is not allowed to lose his stick, then rip Bobby Ryan's stick from right out of his hands, and use that instead. And neither can Ryan then pick up Mikko Koivu's dropped stick, score a goal, and taunt Koivu with his stick immediately afterwards. That would be a penalty for sure.

• The crowd was eerily quiet. It was like classic Buffy episode Hush; you'd have thought all their voices had been stolen by The Gentlemen. I can't help but wonder if a little home crowd support might have spurred the team to, you know, play well, but on the plus side, the muted crowd allowed the play cameras to pick up a number of on ice F-bombs.

• I love when power forwards like Rick Nash have full beards. They look so freaking intimidating. Mind you, it's not just posturing with Nash. Any time the puck is on his stick, it's concerning. It's a shame he plays in Columbus. Imagine if he played in a city that knew they had an NHL team.

• Mason Raymond finally broke his scoring slump with a pretty little backhand goal (above) generated by some great board work by Ryan Kesler. Watching a player break an extended scoring drought like that is one of the rewards of following a team closely. Knowing the context, it was hard not to feel his joy, to beam while he was beaming. He was visibly excited, letting out a triumphant "Woo!" on the bench after the goal. I haven't seen Raymond that excited since the team pitched in to buy him a new alarm clock (joke explained: Mason Raymond is boring). Raymond seemed inspired by the goal, and he netted another beauty in the shootout with some fabulous stickwork and skate control to freeze Steve Mason. Raymond had four shots on goal, tops among forwards. Raymond wasn't perfect, mind you. He missed a whopping five shots on the night. In perspective: the rest of the team, combined, missed eight.

• Mind you, that's not as bad as Ryan Kesler, who had zero shots on net last night, with seven attempts blocked. Do you think getting in front of his wrister has become a top priority? Now that he's a known sniper, he's going to have to work a lot harder to create a shooting lane. Later that night, in the shootout, Henrik Sedin showed exemplary leadership when he modeled for Kesler how to get people to quit respecting your shot.

• I liked Alain Vigneault's smirk at the bench during the shootout. What was so funny? My guess is he was imagining the Bluth family do their various chicken dances.

• Keith Ballard had five blocked shots and three hits in three minutes of icetime fewer than Aaron Rome. Aaron Rome may be a forgotten Scrabbler, but Alain Vigneault never seems to forget to play him.

• The great thing about having a shootout go on for so long is that you're guaranteed an unlikely hero. Seriously, Vigneault's next shooter was Frodo Baggins. That said, this thing could have been over much sooner if one of the coaches had realized the secret to the shootout: send out guys who used to play for the opponent. Instant win. No surprise, then, that Raffi Torres was the game's unlikely hero.

• You have to feel bad for Maxim Lapierre, whose first game went about as poorly as it possibly could have. He only played five minutes, but boy, were they eventful. In his first shift as a Canuck, he took a minor penalty. During the first intermission, he likely told himself to calm down, because the worst was over. Then, in his first shift of the second period, the Blue Jackets scored. During the second intermission, he probably told himself things could only improve, and he was likely quite excited when nothing untoward happened on his first shift of the third period. Unfortunately, this would be last shift of the game. On the plus side, he finished on a positive note, and was named the game's thirty-first star.

• Scotty Upshall was kind of amazing last night. His shot on Columbus's lone goal was downright unstoppable, like picking a fight with a warlock.

• Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis's hipcheck on Jakub Voracek was a real thing of beauty. I like how, when Keith Ballard pulls off a hipcheck, the recipient gets pissed, but when Hamhuis does it, the recipient just understands. Mind you, maybe it's because Hamhuis is such a nice guy, he only hipchecks when he suspects a guy need a minor spinal adjustment. Hamhuis runs an on-ice chiropractic clinic. Of course it's free.

• The Canucks' powerplay is beginning to dry up in the absence of its quarterback, Alex Edler. There have been games where Mikael Samuelsson has been able to keep it humming along, but when he has a lackadaisical outing like last night, the unit falls apart. Sami Salo saw a promotion to the top unit in the third period, but it wasn't enough to get the game-winner during a four minute powerplay to close out regulation time. There was a lingering sense that this would come back to haunt them, like some sort of powerplay poltergeist, bringing clowns to life and whatnot.

• And finally, we would be remiss not to talk about the high number of pratfalls in last night's game. People were running into one another, tripping over blue lines, and flubbing on shots and passes all evening. It was high octane physical comedy. Halfway through the game, the organist abandoned the setlist and started playing music from Buster Keaton's The General.

Raffi Torres, Human Bowling Ball: Photoshop Gallery 2

Welcome once again to the Raffi Torres BallTor photoshop gallery. If you're new to this, I recommend starting either with the original photo, or with the first photoshop gallery, posted yesterday. Otherwise, let's just dive headfirst into the awesome:


I think this image is real. I hardly have to suspend my disbelief at all. If Raffi were in plainclothes, I'd swear up and down this was taken by Jeff Vinnick in Calgary. BoggyDepot, you are awesome.

Ill Bill Necro gives us Raffi, the human wrecking ball. Unfortunately, this building was a mom & pop shop forced to close by mean landlord Mr. Snively. It's a sad story, really.

This had better be a PSA for how not to go down a waterslide, because otherwise, Raffi's doing it all wrong. Sirwilliam with the image.

I like Raffi's desperate attempt to avoid looking directly into Darcy Hordichuk's nipple. This one's another gem from egatti, who also did today's header image.

In this visual metaphor, Raffi Torres represents small government. The patriotically named canadian hockey style brings the politics.

Here's MrWiggles with a solid effort. What a dig by number seven.

Something about that ball doesn't look right. I think Tiger Woods is cheating, but what else is new? Zing. This one's by MikeyD.

Ill Bill Necro gives us Raffi, the human cheese wheel. As a ginger, Raffi's definitely got the colouring to be cheese.

BoggyDepot gives us the first BallTor image in which he's right-side up. I like how concerned Raffi appears to be. I also like how he's ducking, in case another flaming bag of excrement falls from the sky.

Kudos to BoggyDepot again. I saw this movie when I was younger, and I don't remember Raffi Torres being in it. But I could be wrong.

Here's another MikeyD image. It's amazing to me how Raffi's wide open mouth can go from excitement to horror, depending on the situation pictured. Here, he's clearly terrified, and rightly so. No good can come of this.

Egatti earns PITB's "Too soon" award for this creative animated GIF. If you're offended by this image, ignore it for now, then come back in three months or so and you'll find it hilarious.

Here's something just as topical and much less offensive, again from egatti. Raffi makes a good Tron battle disc. By the way, thank goodness he plays on the same team as Sami Salo, because this is actually a simulation of what would happen if they ever collided.

GALLERY 1 - - - - - - - - - - GALLERY 2

Raffi Torres, Human Bowling Ball: Photoshop Gallery 1

You might recall the Raffi Torres bowling ball image (BallTor) from the minor photoshop party we tried to jumpstart last week. It comes from this goal, Raffi's second of the night in a 5-2 win over the Dallas Stars. The goal led to this photo, which is wonderful for many, many reasons, chief amongst them the fact that Raffi, often referred to as a human bowling ball, couldn't have looked more like one if he'd worn all black and let someone put fingers in his eyes and mouth.

Anyhow, the meme has begun to take off, and PITB's gifted scores of doctored Raffi Torres photos in the last few days. We've seen a byfuglienian buttload of good ones at this point, and it's high time we shared some with you. Behold, gallery 1:

The brilliant egatti sticks with the bowling ball theme. Here's a classic Bill Murray still from Kingpin. I like it, but I'm concerned about where Murray's fingers are.

And here's another from egatti, taken from perhaps the greatest bowling movie of all time. Raffi's slight rotation is unfortunate.

Can you spot Raffi Torres? Hint: he's in the egg. Again, it's egatti, who is brilliant at this sort of thing, and it's always a treat when you can draw him out into the open.

Here's one from the bizarrely named Rubbed by Luongo. It's hilarious to me how excited Raffi looks to being scooped into the cone. He's probably been waiting in the bucket forever.

SirWilliam finally answers the question of what happened to the dinosaurs. Apparently, the same thing that happened to the Buffalo Sabres last season.

Mr. Wiggles makes brilliant use of Raffi's extended leg here. I never would have thought of this.

I've never played Angry Birds, but people tell me that's what this avelanch photoshop is. It's kind of awesome, whatever it is.

Okay, this must have taken MikeyD forever. It's brilliant, but wow, that's a time-consuming project. I wonder if the dog eats around the sticks.

Glen gives us this imaginative entry, which paints a remarkable picture. My favourite part is that no one appears to actually be watching Raffi serve them, which begs the philosophical question: if a man is served unobserved, is he really served?

You've gotta love the topical ones, as avelanch gives us Blake Griffin dunking Torres. Word is Demar DeRozan grumbled about the use of props, but he might have changed his tune if Griffin had dunked a midget.

Someone on the forum asked for Raffi as the giant rolling rock from Indiana Jones, and this, from marinated.pea, is what they got instead. Part of me likes it better.

And finally, Rozzy91 with the best animated gif ever. I can't figure out if the splatter is Raffi exploding, or his skate catching the woman in the nose. Either way, this thing is pure win.

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I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Canadiens, February 22, 2011

Canucks 2 - 3 Canadiens

Not sure why, but the Canadiens started this game like they had embarrassed themselves on national television in their previous outing. Frankly, they skated like it was their first time on indoor ice in days, shooting like they hadn't scored a goal in over sixty minutes, and playing like above zero temperatures were suddenly new to them. Spurred by a novel appreciation for insideness, they jumped out to an early lead, and never looked back. The Canucks, meanwhile, drifted for the first ten minutes, spoiled by their indoor malaise. I say this malaise cost us the game. Also, we scored fewer goals. I watched this game:

• To be perfectly honest, I hated this game. Not just because of the Canucks, mind you, but because the Canadiens play ugly hockey. Ogre ugly. They even employ an ogre. Have you seen James Wisniewksi these days? After taking advantage of a flat-footed Canucks team early, they spent the evening defending their lead by collapsing in front of Carey Price like the 1929 stock market, and clogging up the neutral zone like a big ball of hair in the J-trap. It was unattractive hockey.

• Speaking of hate, Harrison would like everyone to know that he hates P.K. Subban. He claims he's allowed to, because they're both black. That said, I thought I heard him say something about the white way, but it turns out he was saying the white whale (he's in Darren Pang's book club). I'm actually a Subban fan. He's a jerk, sure, but no moreso than Kesler or Burrows. He's a pain in the posterior to play against and is unapologetic about being young and talented. Nothing wrong with that.

• Tonight's big story? Tom Cruise and Simon Pegg were in the audience tonight. I'd be upset about this if I were Nick Frost. Cruise is a much better-looking running mate, and considering his career-trajectory, he might soon be reduced to playing sidekicks. Anyway, considering Cruise and Pegg are from the United States and United Kingdom, respectively, I assume they spent the majority of the game wondering where the ball was. And fending off thetans. Couch jump.

• One of Ryan Kesler's most underrated skills is his overall opaqueness. He used this ability to great effect tonight, proving to Carey Price that it is impossible to see an incoming puck through a body. Not even with X-Ray Specs. You would need military-grade x-ray glasses, and the Canadiens just don't have access to that kind of hardware. Come to think of it, that's about the only kind of hardware they don't have a tonne of. That's a french ton, for those who don't know.

• Kesler was also a beast in the faceoff circle tonight. He went 13-for-13 in the defensive zone, 4-for-5 in the neutral zone, and 8-for-11 in the offensive zone. That's 25-for-29 overall. I say again: he took 29 faceoffs. He lost four. But those four cost them the game. Trade him for money.

• The Canucks Scrabble challenge (in which Harrison will be competing tomorrow) was enough of a big deal to get mentioned twice. It was sort of neat. That said, just to establish, Shorty's proposed Scrabble technique of spelling the word "THE" to block triple word scores is not recommended, and doesn't really make sense. I really can't think of a single scenario where spelling the word "THE" to block a triple-word score--without actually using the triple-word--score would work. That said, Shorty's Scrabble knowledge definitely tops Garrett, who only seemed to know that A had a low-point value.

• Between his poor puck management, and his incessant urges to go wide and try wrap-arounds, it's a wonder Mason Raymond remains an NHL second-liner. He should try managing a truck stop diner, where the turnovers, wraps, and poor management are expected.

• Keith Ballard and Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis both played tonight, but neither was really back, if you know what I mean. They weren't at 100%. For example, Dan Hamhuis only built one Venezuelan orphanage during the game.

• Christian Ehrhoff played 28:35 tonight, which is more than he played in the games Hamhuis and Ballard missed. That's too much icetime for the Hoff, who doesn't play a steady enough game to be on the ice for half of it. Without Alex Edler, he's a bit manic and overzealous. In the last ten minutes of the game (when he didn't seem to leave the ice), Ehrhoff rushed the puck well, but tried to force play after play, and often wound up getting turned back or flummoxing his forwards. A steadying presence like Edler's would have helped greatly. One might say that Christian Ehrhoff misses Alex Edler like Raffi Torres misses the net. That is to say, constantly.

• Actually, I'm going to the Canucks superskills on Sunday, and I'm hoping Torres competes in the shooting accuracy competition. More than that, I hope he wins, just to increase his already astronomical ability to boggle. Think he plays Boggle? Should this be our next challenge? #BoggleMeRaffi

• The Canucks evidently got 39 shots-on-net, with the Canadiens blocking another 22. The number of quality scoring chances, on the other hand, was significantly lower, and this is the third or fourth game in a row where this has been the case. During this stretch, with the defensive injuries, the Canucks' shot totals have actually gone up, but the overall quality of their offense has gone down. One example would be the very common occurrence of the Sedins parking behind the net. Typically, they make something happen from back there, but half of the threat is predicated on the defensemen being viable passing options. They really weren't tonight. Instead, you had long stretches of Alex Burrows darting back and forth in front of the crease, hoping to get open, before Henrik gave up and went somewhere else.

• For the first time, Chris Tanev looked a little out of place in the NHL. He's really only had one unimpressive game prior to this evening, but tonight, the Canadiens took advantage of how raw a talent he is. Unlike Mikael Samuelsson, whose minus-3 was not reflective of his overall defensive play (it had more to do with playing with Mason Raymond), Tanev's minus-2 was self-made. On the opening goal, he drifted into center ice while David Desharnais tiptoed in behind him (inasmuch as one on skates can tiptoe) for a breakaway. On the second Montreal goal, he took himself out of the play with a poorly-timed hit and couldn't get back in time to cover Andrei Kostitsyn. To this, I say: Tanev, play to your strengths, one of which is not strength.

• The Canucks' power play quite nearly bailed them out tonight, potting two goals on six powerplays (one here, one above), despite looking discombobulated, at times. Part of me feels like the power play let the team down tonight, especially considering the ill-disciplined nature of Montreal's penalties. It was especially aggravating to see a five-on-three go to waste. The Canucks remain one of only two teams in the NHL that hasn't scored on a five-on-three, the other being the special teams juggernaut that is Edmonton. Suffice it to say, sharing any statistical anomaly with Edmonton should be somewhat embarrassing.

• At under five minutes, Cody Hodgson had one minute less icetime than Victor Oreskovich. Thinking about the playoffs, that is not a sign of trust. This is.

• Carey Price played well tonight. He's been good all season, really, and it wasn't that long ago that everybody was calling for Bob Gainey's head because he'd traded the wrong goalie. I brought crow for everybody. nom nom nom

• And finally, I wasn't a huge fan of Alex Burrows's game tonight. Not too long ago, he was scoring like crazy, so it's unfair to complain that he's not scoring. But he didn't score tonight. It would have been nice if he had done so, especially with the golden opportunities he was given. It was especially bothersome because he didn't do much else. His puck retrieval was below-average and his forechecking was ineffective. He's at his best when he's creating turnovers and getting the puck to the Sedins, not when he's waiting for the Sedins to get the puck to him.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Avalanche, January 18, 2011

Canucks 3 - 4 Avalanche (OT)

Give the Canucks credit for showing up to play this one. After a horrendous outing in Minnesota exposed their tired road legs, the excuses for a second consecutive poor performance were readymade. Instead, the Canucks vehemently defied the wishes of their bodies in Colorado, and kept up with the speedy Avalanche. They outshot the Avs 43 to 30 and picked up a well-earned point. It could have been two points, even, had the Canucks managed to push through their mental sluggishness the way they did their physical sluggishness.

Unfortunately for them, it was not so, and the mental mistakes came fast and furious. Bad penalties; bad passes; bad reads; lazy backchecks. Against a young, aggressive team like the Avalanche, that crap's not gonna fly. Although, by getting the regulation tie, I guess it sort of did. Hmm. Okay, it did, but then, in the end, it didn't (not unlike the Avro Arrow). Whatever. I watched this game:

• Likely, neither team will be completely happy with the way they played (the Canucks were slow and sloppy, and the Avalanche let a tired road team take the lead three times) but both teams will be happy to leave the stadium with points. (It's like sports day in grade school. Everybody gets a ribbon!) And the Canucks have to be pleased with their Temple of Doom performance, in which they reached inside of themselves and played their hearts out.

• The Canucks' power play covers all manner of sins sometimes. Both Edler and Ehrhoff blasted PP goals from the point that gave their team the lead, and these goals were vital. Had the Canucks had to open up and play from behind for even one second in this game, their suspect defensive play would have been even more prominent, and it could have gotten out of hand.

• It's been a long time since the Canucks have had a sexy callup like Sergei Shirokov, so it was nice to see him play a standout game in his first NHL action this year. He scored his first career goal on a beautiful move (above), and he had a game-high six shots. But, before you get excited, consider he's played two fewer games this month--and nine fewer NHL games. He had fresh legs. He was like Anne Bancroft on skates, his legs were so fresh. Let's wait to see whether or not he can be a standout when the rest of his team isn't playing on fumes, but he was a breath of fresh air last night. Most importantly, he looked capable of creating his own offense, something Kesler's wings have to be able to do. A good start for Shirok.

• The other callup, Chris Tanev, acquitted himself admirably as well. He finished the night a minus-1, but it's hard to fault him on the Luongo misplay that gave David Jones his first of two on the night. Jones was his man, for sure, but everyone in the building thought Luongo would swallow up that puck as it came off the boards. Other than that, Tanev was solid. He got on the ice for just under thirteen minutes, far more than anyone would have expected. He admirably broke up a 3-on-1 when Keith Ballard heeded Qris's advice to step it up, pranks-wise and decided to pull the old fall-down-so-the-rookie-has-to-fend-off-a-3-on-1 routine. Funny guy, that Ballard.

• Don't tell the Vancouver media I said this, but here's your proof that the star awards mean nothing: Alex Edler was named the game's third star. Clearly, someone didn't watch the game (probably John Garrett, who has made a living watching games, but always seems to be attending his first one). While it's true that Edler had a standout game offensively with a goal and an assist, he played one of his worst games of the season defensively. He constantly lost his man, he bobbled pucks at the blue line, he looked dreadfully slow. Despite finishing the game even in the plus/minus category, Edler was on the ice for two Colorado goals, both on the penalty kill, and both times he got absolutely embarrassed by David Jones in front of the net. Jones isn't a small guy, but Edler's bigger, and the fact that Edler allowed himself to get moved right out of the play twice is unacceptable. Watch the highlight package. Colorado goals one and four are mirror images of one another, as Jones simply shades Edler into the useless area, opening up the exact same cross-ice pass. On the first goal, you can find Edler at the side of the net when the pass comes across. On the fourth goal, that's him in the middle, lazily dropping down to block nothing, opening up the same pass and rendering himself helpless to prevent Jones from finding the rebound. A terrible game from #23.

• Kevin Bieksa, on the other hand, played solidly. Nearly every shift, he was breaking up an odd-man rush or clearing the zone before things got dangerous. He finished with 2 hits, 4 takeaways and 3 blocked shots, and considering these three stats are typically undercounted (especially when you play for the road team), that's one hell of a stat line.

• Keith Ballard had a decent game as well, but has anyone noticed how often this guy falls? He's like an ancient empire on skates. Methinks Keith "Babylon" Ballard needs to heed the words of the prophet Jeremiah.

• Is Adam Foote a diplomat's son? He's clearly got some sort of immunity. Foote's a handsy guy, but it doesn't seem to matter who he grabs, punches, or holds--there's never a call. He could grope the First Lady and someone would call it a smart, veteran play.

• The referees missed some egregious offenses, but Raffi Torres sure made it easy on them, huh? Both of his penalties were of the are-you-kidding-me variety, especially his second one. Who tugs on a jersey? Not since Theodore Tugboat have I seen such pathetic tugging. Skeeter and I observed that Raffi Torres has three modes: 1) skateskateskateskate 2) get puck, and 3) put puck. Unfortunately, none of the three modes is any more detailed than that, and Raffi often skimps on the details. Torres is playing some dumb hockey right now. I wouldn't be surprised if he suffers a benching in the near future.

• Speaking of penalties, Henrik Sedin's penalty in overtime was fully warranted. Granted, his man went down easy, but everyone knows there are a two situations where you should never stick your arm out. The first is when you're chasing to break up a two-on-one. The second is when you're on a school bus. That's how you lose a limb.

• A better performance by Roberto Luongo and the Canucks probably leave Denver with a win. He'll get no pass; he was the freshest Canuck and he should have played like it. When your star goaltender is rested and your team isn't, you need a star goaltending performance, and the Canucks didn't get it. The second and third goals are both ones he probably should have had. Know what else he should have had? A Bacon Mushroom Melt. It's only ever at Wendy's for a limited time, and it's delicious. But now it's gone, and who knows how long he'll have to wait for them to bring it back? /regret
  

• And finally, Jeff Tambellini was the fourth-line center last night, and while he did a fine job (especially in the faceoff circle, where he was 5-for-6) I'm not sure I like him and Mason Raymond on that line together. They're too tiny, and tiny on the fourth line is a bad idea, unless it's an ironic nickname for someone huge, like Tiny, the classic character from SNES's Clayfighter.
  

Shirokov's Playing, So Who Sits?

Yes, this picture is from the future. Don't ask how we got it.

Earlier today, news broke that the Canucks had recalled Manitoba's leading scorer Sergei Shirokov, likely in response to my goading. Shirokov becomes the thirteenth forward on the Canucks' active roster, a spot that opened up when Alex Bolduc went down with another shoulder injury. Despite joining a team with twelve healthy forwards, however, Shirokov will immediately draw into the lineup in Colorado.

This is wisdom for two reasons: first, the Canucks are having a wee bit of trouble scoring goals lately. Vancouver is suffering through a perfect storm of scoring slumps right now, as half the forward corps seems suddenly incapable of bringing offense. Fans in Minnesota and New York would be forgiven for thinking Jonathan Roy is more likely to beat a goaltender than this team's forwards. Second, Shirokov is in the midst of a 12-game point streak. He's hot now. You don't call a guy like that up just to sit him; good on the Canucks for rewarding his strong play with an immediate spot in the lineup.

But who's sitting if Shirokov isn't? Gord McIntyre speculates that it might be Jeff Tambellini, and while it may well be, it's not that cut and dry. There are five guys who might find themselves sitting next to Derek Jory tomorrow night. After the jump, PITB examines who they are and why they might be in line for a benching.

JEFF TAMBELLINI

Why he might sit: He can't seem to find his Magic Shooty Spot. After potting 4 in 5 games, the tiny winger has gone 10 without a point, and if we wanted an Italian leprechaun that never scores, we would have signed Paul Giamatti.

Why he might not: Alain Vigneault likes Tamby's defensive play, and might see fit to start him as the 4th-line center. Vigneault has gone on record saying Tambellini's doing everything but scoring which, while true, is a dangerous ice of rhetoric. Coincidentally, Brian Burke announced today the Toronto Maple Leafs are doing everything but winning.

AARON VOLPATTI

Why he might sit: Apart from a well-timed fight in Minnesota that briefly stalled Minnesota's strangehold on the momentum, Volpatti rarely stands out.

Why he might not: It's hard to scratch a guy when you forget he's even on the roster.

RAFFI TORRES

Why he might sit: Shirokov likes to hit too, so Torres's greatest asset might not be as missed as you'd think. Furthermore, Torres has gone 9 games without a goal, and worse, he's been suspect without the puck. In Minnesota, rather than check his man, Torres made like a kid in his a Christmas pageant by completing losing his focus, facing the wrong way, picking his nose, then waving at his dad.

Why he might not: I can't be the only one who lives by the don't piss off the guy with the crazy eyes and the tattoos code. Plus, this is the third time this season he's had a 9-game goalless streak, so he's totally due.

MASON RAYMOND

Why he might sit: After scoring in his first game back since missing a month with a wrist injury, Raymond has gone cold, going eight games without a goal and six games without a point. He's lost his permanent spot on Ryan Kesler's wing, isn't burying his chances and put himself in an awkward position: he suddenly appears replaceable and his contract is sizable enough to be happily moved.

Why he might not: Of the slumping forwards, Raymond's goalless drought is the most jarring. He remains a vital part of the Canucks' top six, and curing him of his struggles is paramount to the team's offensive game. But this slump didn't come from nowhere; he's coming off an injury and may still be suffering from it. Is sitting him the best option, or are his issues something he needs to play his way out of? It's like when your cat gets herself stuck in a plastic grocery bag. She could suffocate without your help, but she also needs to learn how to get herself out in case this happens again. There's no right answer.

MIKAEL SAMUELSSON

Why he might sit: Samuelsson has gone 11 games without a goal, and only has one assist in that span. Though he played a strong individual game in New York, he's not clicking with his linemates and has looked disinterested at times this season. If we wanted an intelligent but often enigmatic and alienating Swede, we would have signed Ingmar Bergman.

Why he might not: While he responds well to getting snubbed, nobody on the coaching staff wants to tell him he's sitting out. You're never too old or too mature to have your feelings hurt when someone tells you to go [forget] yourself.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Red Wings, November 6, 2010

Canucks 6 - 4 Red Wings

I feel like I gushed pretty openly about the Canucks' last game, so this might sound like a retread, but it has to be said: tonight was the best game the Canucks have played all season. Heck, it might be the best I've seen these Canucks play in years. Who wasn't absolutely spectacular tonight? I'm serious. I could pick on the fourth line for being the fourth line, or I could pick on Alex Burrows for not having midseason jump he couldn't possibly be expected to have. Apart from those small weaknesses, the Canucks played a nearly perfect game, and their excellent teamwork helped them part the Red Sea like another pretty great team, Moses and God (they were BFFs). I am thrilled--yes, thrilled--to have watched this game:

• I'm still auditioning to become a regular member of the mainstream Vancouver media, so rampant homerism of this sort will likely be frowned upon, but I think the intensity of my emotional ups and downs tonight may have so terrified my cat she'll never try to sleep on my lap during a hockey game again. Sorry, Zora. You can come out from under the bed now.

• The shots were 21-11 for the Red Wings at the end of the 2nd period, but it didn't come close to telling the story. The Wings were getting shots on net, but they weren't quality shots. The scoring chances seemed a lot more even. The pace of this game was insane. It was like watching an episode of Speed Racer. I pity the fans at tonight's Minnesota-Columbus tilt, where the pace was probably more like an episode of Wacky Races.

• Plus, whatever about the 1st and 2nd. The third period was where the magic happened, like an ellipsis. The Canucks had 23 shots in the final frame. Detroit had 28 in the entire game. I'm not sure if that was a case of tired, old Detroit legs, or the Canucks simply being sweet. Maybe it was both? Sweet old legs? Like Diane Keaton.

• As usual, all three of the Canucks' top faceoff guys were over 50%, with Ryan Kesler leading the way by winning 13 of 19. Malhotra was the star of the defensive zone, however, winning 7-of-9 in front of Luongo. I noticed a peculiar thing about his faceoff strategy: In the defensive zone, he gets down real low, and if he can't get his stick on the puck, he sweeps it back with his glove. Maybe it's the husband in me that noticed this--I know a thing or two about using my hand as a backup plan.

• Originally, I thought Malhotra was just a faceoff guru, but with his two goals tonight, he has solidified himself as so much more than that. He broke out of his funk on the breakaway, netting a shortie that would prove crucial after the Red Wings scored the power play goal less than a minute later. He also scored the Canucks' sixth and final goal to put the game out of reach.

• His linemates were almost as good. The Canucks' third line has been our most complete line throughout this entire winning streak. The Sedins are still waiting on Alex Burrows to get going, and Raymond and Kesler are still waiting on Mikael Samuelsson (who looks like it's finally happening). The third line has nothing to criticize right now. I talked about it on Wednesday, but it was impossible to miss tonight. Raffi Torres was a human wrecking ball out there, hitting recklessly, and downright attacking people behind the net. His work down low in both ends was spectacular. Jannik Hansen was an absolute warrior. I thought he'd broken his ankle after he took a puck to it in the first, but he was back in the second, and he scored the goal that tied it at four and changed the entire flow of the third period. His backchecking tonight was remarkable.

• What do Klaus Teuber and Andrew Alberts have in common? I really like their game. Alberts dumps bodies like Dexter Morgan. His hit on Datsyuk was massive; he knocked back that white Russian so fluidly The Dude would have been proud. He was excellent tonight, finishing at plus-2.

• Also plus-2? Kevin Bieksa. I've turned a drastic corner and suddenly find myself defending Kevin Bieksa. The announcers really like to highlight his mistakes. While he made one or two tonight, there was nothing any more glaring than anyone else, and nothing that can't be countered with the fact that he tied his defense partner for the highest plus/minus.

• I'm going to bring it up every time I can: the Canucks got offense from all three of their top lines. With balanced, regular scoring like this, I think the whole team should apply for Keys to the VIP. 11 guys got points tonight. Points for everybody. More points than a cat on its back, I tell you what.

• Ryan Kesler was given first star honours, and he played fantastically well, but the real star of the game was Alex Edler. He had a goal and an assist, he led all skaters in ice time with over twenty-five minutes, and I noticed him nearly every time he was on the ice. He was making crisp passes, jumping into the rush, and taking guys off the puck. Tonight Edler played like a superstar, and I think it's the first time this season I've thought that about his game.

• I wasn't at the game, but the crowd seemed to love it as much as I did. They were loud in the third period. On a related note, they seem to be Looing a lot less. Has that run its course? If so, why?

• And finally, Roberto Luongo. He was good tonight. That's all there is to say, and it's neither a good thing nor a bad thing. In past years, we could say this team would only go as far as Luongo would carry them. But tonight, the Canucks showed that they're a good enough team to win without Luongo playing all-world. He was good, and even against one of the best teams in the NHL, that's all the Canucks needed out of him tonight.

Do the Canucks Finally Have a Third Line?

Last night's three goal game for Raffi Torres was just the latest in a long line of bright spots for the Canucks' third line, a unit that, for four games, has been made up consistently of Jannik Hansen, Manny Malhotra, and Raffi Torres. In the first game of the Canucks' current four-game winning streak, Malhotra was the first star, netting the Canucks' third and fourth goals midway through the third period to put the game out of reach. Two games later, it was Raffi Torres opening the scoring with a goal that would wind up being the game-winner. Last night, the line topped two excellent games with a bigger trick, the first hat trick of Raffi Torres' career. Yes, the third line has been very, very good.

It's a welcome change from last season's third line, a unit that typically consisted of Kyle Wellwood, Steve Bernier, and Tanner Glass. While Wellwood had his moments (and we loved him for them), Bernier and Glass spent their time on the third line playing unmistakably like fourth liners. The unit's shifts were unproductive and forgettable. If not for top ten line play from the Canucks' first and second lines, it might have been even more glaring an issue than it was.

It was impossible to overlook in the playoffs. The Chicago Blackhawks showed us that depth across lines is vital for postseason success when they beat us in six games. Our lack of such depth was a major problem going into the offseason.

This problem appears to have been somewhat solved. Over the last four games, the third line has combined for 13 points. For comparative purposes, the Canucks' top line (The Sedins, and, until last night's game, Jeff Tambellini) has generated 9. The third line has been our highest scoring line during this win streak, a sentence that could never have been uttered last season.

But it's more than just offensive contributions; they're also defensively stellar. Over that same four-game stretch, the line is a combined plus-16. The Sedin line is minus-1.

Even separately, Hansen, Malhotra, and Torres have been major contributors at both ends of the ice. Until last night, Jannik Hansen hadn't been on the ice for a single goal against. He leads the team in plus-minus and hits among forwards. Manny Malhotra has been the Canucks' go-to faceoff man, taking draws in all three zones and being a lynchpin on the penalty kill. And Raffi Torres is second only to Daniel Sedin in goals.

The play of the third line is the primary reason the Canucks have won four straight. The Sedin line has been great, but not yet at the level at which they operate with a healthy Alex Burrows. The Raymond-Kesler-Samuelsson line is still struggling to regain last season's form, as Mikael Samuelsson especially is looking a little slower, his shot a little less accurate. Considering that last year's success rested primarily on the play of these top two lines, one would think diminished play from either would make four wins in a row nearly impossible. However, Malhotra, Hansen and Torres are outproducing these issues.